All th e news tha t shi ts to p rin t
Campus biggies make list
Compiled by Poison Pen Peggy

being one of the guys in an
Forthwith is the official esteemed campus fraternal
campus shit list of campus organization (affectiona tely
Day);
notables . We have not looked known as Tappa Kegga
(
will)
but
we
far to fine those who have , in and not to mention
interest"
qur estimation , performed the his severe "lack of
shittiest acts . We have spared , due to his " not knowing
no one in the compilation of this * anythin g about anything "
list so sit back and enjoy it concernin g all CGA matters ,
(right from the horse 's mouth ,
(unless you're on the list) :
, Stan? ). You 'd really
huh
1. Happy Jack Mulka—for
rather
be playing basketball ,
claiming to be in only an
you, Stan?
now
wouldn't
"advisory " position to the BNE
Committee and also saying that
he has no power in deciding who
Cutba cks in poor taste
gets complimentary tickets-all
^
- the while having them locked in
his desk drawer where only he
and Ann McFunn could get at
them.
jresident students -Resid ent
2. Ann McFunn—for having
by EmochSchlue
students at BSC will see an
an impeccable stream of logic, BSNS is faced
This
semester
increase in room fees during
ie., Ann was misquoted as . with the problem of retren the next year of $72" plus the
saying to the Campus Voice
(
chmouth cutbacks because of
signing over of their first -born
staff , "You didn 't cover BNE
the quibbling of ill-qualified
male child.
last time so we're not giving
mouths
),
and
the
possible
loss
5. Alteration of college
you any tickets this time; but
of various services (or a cut in
schedule -It was found
printing
we still expect top coverage. "
services at the least). In orde r
that
much
could be saved if the
3. Ben Kolinski—for having
, an atto
avoid
the
problem
was no longer
Campus
Voice
the most extensibely-edited
tempt
was
made
to
stretch
the
, it was
therefore
published
,
letter in the Campus Voice.
bud get but it ripped. The only
staff of
the
entire
decided
that
Editor 's note to K en : Don't
snl ntinn tti*»r<»fnr p is a rut in
tne voice will ue eiiu.iiiiai.cu uy
think that we edited your letter
services and personnel.
forcing them to sit in on a
jus t because we didn' t like
After much bickering,
trustee meeting resultin g in
what you said; we needed to
lollygagging, and the temtheir being Board to death .
make an example of someone
porary halting of talks because
6. Closing of the college
and you happened to come
someone had to go to the sandlaundry-This move is necessary
along at the right time.
box to contemplate on the
because of the extreme cost of
4. Dr. Roberts—for making
hopper , Plan X was accepted.
water, heat for dryers , and
that cheap shot to the Voice
This plan will be put into effect
young Chinese males .
about "ar tless collegiate
unless something unforeseen ,
7. Reduction in off-campus
j ourna li sm. " (We never
such as a solution , occurs.
housing-A way was found to
claimed to meet collegiate
The plan is as follows :
re duce the cost of off-campus
journ alistic standards. We'll go
1. Food service economies-No
hosing
while retainin g the same
along with being . called "armore meals will be served in
luxury
that is present toda y.
tless ", however, we will not put
th e Scranton Commons.
I
nstea
d o f a p artments ,
up with what you implied in the
2.
Retirement
contributionswigwams
will be constructe d •
rest of your comment. ) Also,
This little item will result in a
tribe for peon
by
a
local
Indian
for writing numerous letters to
slight reduction of 100% in
wa
g
es.
the edi tor in defense of your
noirmanf c f/\ fV»n TCfafra TCrn_
8. Cutbacks in the athletic
position and signing students '
ployee
's
Retirement
Fund.
department
-Because of high
names to them. (Burpeck ,
H owever , the former emwill be made
eliminations
,
cost
Purse-strings , et al)
ployees will receive a comsuch
e
p
artment
in t h e at hlet i c d
5. Stan the Man (The Polish
pli mentar y enema b a g to
,
wa
t er
or
t
eams
as equipment f
f i r e p l u g ) T o c z e k — for
compensate for t h e loss.
f
or
t
he
an
d
C
ruex
for the pool,
p ossess i n g extraor di nar y
3. Reduct ion of expenditures
itch.
qua lifi cat ions to carr y out his
on buildings and structures9. Cutbacks in facult y Since it
role as BSNS' s CGA President ,
Work will be halted on the new
will cost many penn ies to fork
suc h as: three y ears of
's dormitory, Lycoming
women
out
to the pro fs, the ent ire
dedi cate d serv ice on the slop
Hall. The partially constructed
faculty
will be layed off.
line and student manager in the
dorm will be used as a target .
in studen ts10.
Cutbacks
Scranton Commons ; pl ac i ng in
area for the ROTC program on
faculty and
lack
of
Because
of
the Elwel l Hall W restling
campus
.
t
he stude nt
,
nterest
lack
o
f
i
Tournament ( see picture ) ; for
4. Increased room fee for
cancelled
.
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CAMPU S
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A Publication of Ihe BSNS Intelligen tsi a Report

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Your ROTC pro gram at work
CGA meets again

Noth ing relevant di
scussed
by Diane Geshund heidt
Bubble gum, housin g, and
bricks were the main attractions at the CGA meetin g
held on the seventh Sunda y of
last November.
CGA moved to allocate $100 to
install bubble gum machines on
cam pus as a p art of cam pus
beautifica tion. These new
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help initiate a new cour se
called "Cavity and Shoe
Repair. " Another part of thi s
proj ect is to fi nance a persona l
appearance by Euell Gibbons in
order to ra ise $50,000 to plant
the trees he needs f or his f am ily
reun ion picnic. This picnic is to
be part of Winter Weekend next
year.
In order to secure better offcampus housing for students ,
CGA plans to build an airport
with the funds from the investment committee, Members
decided that the vibrations and
noise from take -offs will
destro y all existing houses , and
the towns people will be forced
to rebuild. The airport would
cost a pproximate ly
$100,678 ,543.23 . The only
problem with this plan , according to Ron Toy, is that
instead of CGA vehicles, CGA
will have to buy planes.
CGA passed the motion to
back CAS in not only
withholding money from the
Commonwealth , but also tak ing
back what was already spent.
Unless the legislators improve
our financial status , the
students are to tear down the
new administration building
and sell the bricks back to
Harrtaburg one by one, Not only
will this raise money, but the
state won't be able to collect
any money from the students
,w|thQ ^ WQirbq ^ne>^pWpp.

As a recreatio nal idea to keep

more s t u d en t s h ere on
weekends next semester , Stan

Two-check proposed setting up
certain times when the tri-lev el
could be used for ice skating.
The proble m exists in getting
enough hot air to melt the ice so
the cars could be returned. To
solve this , the next CGA
meeting will be held on the ice.
Another thr ee-hour job should
do it.
A worksh op was held on the
CGA const itut ion , so more
people would be familiar with
CGA policies, and less people
would be out of order . It was a
huge success-two faculty
members, showed up . Another
meeting to discuss ap ath y was
cancelled due to lack of in-

terest.

Represent ative Louis Huntsinker made a motion to
allocate $20,000 to Rad io Statio n
BSC so they could buy
Pres ident McCor mick' s house
where they could expand their
facilities. Hunt-sink er claimed
that in a few years , BSC will put
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pro posal was unanimo usly
ignored.
The Campus Voice requested
$10,000 Ir om CGA. The money
would be used to send the staff
to Florida until hell freezes
over. Inst ead , Stan Two-check
added an ammend ment that
stated that any person with pen
and small notebook seen on this
camp us be remov ed ,
• mediately . Thi s wilt imbe
discussed at the next meeting .
When corn ered after the
meeting, Two-check refused to
answer any question for fear he
would be quoted . If you have
any questions , write them on a
sheet of paper ¦ and han d them to
'
-. ¦ ¦
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EDITORIAL

/\

I hate New Year 's resolutions.Witb tins in mind. I have decided 10
turn over the prvverbaal ne»- lea/ and cite the changes thai wall be sees
in me startksg next semester.
I do solemnly resolveA>To leave C.G.A- alone. Ill ignore Ann McFunn aud Ann McToy as
ihey doze off durmg C.G.A. meffting,ftJ ..ni ignore the profound
statements of such notables as Rod Toy and Ferry Teeters—yes, 113
ev en Ignore Bob Morton , et ai as they sbow the council the '"right "side
of thinasB; To make the Campus Voice the epitome of artful collegiate
j ournalism.To do this !will fire my staff of collegians and respectfully
hire any person on the faculty, administrativeor janitorial staffs.
O To edit all Decessary sentencesin letters to the editor and to only
pri/Jt letters that I like.
D i To expound upon the fruits of the Bloomin* Hospital.(That won't
be hard as there are a Lot of fruits over therej
E; Neverto write another editorial since I lack the insight into real
student issues, ^see Litter to the Editors, page 3>
F; No* to adhere to any presentor past New Year's Resolutions.
GOOD NIGHT AND GOODBYE FOR NOW. SEE YOU IN A FEW
WE EKS.,.KEEP THAT CARD AND LETTER COMING IN. FOLKS:
Barf Wizeocbeeztts
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Need a break?
Applications for student sabbatical - with academic credit can be obtained fro m Dr. PickIt. See page 13 for more details.

1

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Conventiona l elections
hairs, leaning toward the leftmost positions of the political
spectrum have beer. krar*"n u>
invade the con% «"itior^: They,
in turn have b««; trj ? *r.to be
chasedby men in tcjft ur.:f/w7r-s
leaning to the ng^ - .TiO-st
positions ol to* p^li ' ical
spectrum. This oni y <&*<& Vj &&
quagmire already ^>T*&fxl
Our rights as Amerncaj iB are
at stake at this very moment.
We must take action as soon as
passible to avert this blatan t
exploitation of our rights as
citizens of the United States. In
the coming Bicentennial year ,
we must remember our forefathers would not tolerate such
actions.
Yes, the idyllic complacenc y
we find before our omnipresent
and omnipotent television sets
is trul y in danger. We must
have the freedom to choose
wnai we want to oe exposed 10.
At present , the choice is still
ours - whether to fight this
exploitation or sit on our bu tts
and wait for disaster to strike .
Where will it all end? No one
can tell. Even if , Heaven forbid ,
w e lose the b attl e , we will still
have commerc ials.

by Name Withheld
With the wming of the 1376
Presidential Elections, we the
people v/iJI once again be
s u b j e c t e d to both t h e
Democratic and Republican
National conventions. For two
whole weeks this coming
summer, we must sacrifice
hours of intelligent , meaningful
prime-time television viewing,
to watch thousands of crooked
political schrnucks parade
around with signs and make
speeches.
Don't we a« voters and taxpayers have a choice in what
will be aired ? How stupi d do
they think the American
viewing public iaf'
There are constant complaints of trash being aired on
television . These, you know,
are tot al exaggerat i ons, bu f
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conventions are aired again. D
you want your family viewiri ,
the violent and chaotic atmosphere th at reigns at these
affa irs - ' shouting, scream ing,
name calling and mud slinging I shou ld think not. Furt hermore, bands of unruly long
Super Hoogiei ¦

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Weekly Ja bberings by Pegg y Moran

I have
had it!

Psycholo gicaTly, I have been
tred upon , but h ave I ever
complaine d? Of cours e I have ,
but that ' s beside the point.
Despite all this, I still wrote
my column every week.
a
egan
b
so
I
,
column
a
write
to
Even when It seemed that the
column. After a few un-I
only people who read It were
successful att empts at humor
the copy reader and Tom , I still
changed the format to Includ eI wrote it.
contro vers ial topics which
Even when I didn 't have
campus-wide
of
were
thou ght
anythin g to write about , I still
wrote this stupid column.
aP P<
I spent hour s each week at
Well let mo tell you this
my typewri ter thin king of much- If I don 't get a nice
something perti nent to write
letter fro m one of you soon , I
decidin g how best to get my will continu e to write this
t
id eas across , and I re ally dldn
literary mnstorplece just to
job.
thin k I was doing that bad a as spite all of you .
But I guess I was wron g,
Th is haR been a long
uciinl.
semester , «nd I'm tired , and
But , let me ask you th is my old roommate is getting
much: have I ever unjustly
,
i ng marr ied in less than two weeks
accused any one of d othey
and I h avn't seen Tom in abou t
something that they swear
being a week , and I'm hun gry so this
didn 't do? On th reat ofhaven
t is about all I think I'll at tempt
bann ed from the Union ,
today .
I refused to tactf ully skirt the
Enj oy Ch ri stmas vacat ion; I
issue and come out in defense of think I'll spend mine compiling
myself onl y to be matje an
id eas f or my column next
outcast from my circle of semester.
.
enem ies?
Wha t more can a sensitive
person do?
I have taken abuse that no
to
one should ever be madehave
I
,
endure. Emotiona lly
been slapped In the face.

In view of the fact that this
may be the last column I ever
writ e, and this is our lampoon
Issue ot the VOICE I'd like to
make myself clear on a few
topics ; this time I will mince no
wor ds in making my feelings
known.
Throug hout t his p ast
semester I hav e taken a lot of
shit fro m a lot of DeoDle. and. to
put it bluntly, I don 't think I
deserved any of it.
It all began at Homecoming
when I was accos t ed by seven
angry men who were convi nced
that I had done them wrong.
From there on in it was
downhill. It seemed that no
mat ter w h a t I wrote someone
was pissed off at me. In fact it
got so b ad that peop le took
off ense al any writ ten word that
bore my name.
W ell, Ihave had i t !
I really don 't care what any
of you think anym ore .
This Is my column and I'll say
whatever I want to say and Jf
you don't like It , don't read It.
The editor told me that I had
» • ! 4 *¦» * « ) A

¦

. A ; l 1 J j . »1 » i . i

1

; ;

s the Editor ... Litter to the editor......
Letters to the editor should be submitted only when we're in the mood to be Criticized
¦
sweet hostage"
"
L
oose
un
d
CV's
erwear
!
ssiiijj &P:
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ii

Dear Editor:

Dear Editor:
I am very disturbed with your
How can I tell you what has
newspaper as it now stands (or
alread
y been said several
sits).
Commie Hot Dogs
thousand
times in innumerable
Why do you constantl y waste
ways
through
the comp rec i ous sp ace i n y our
medium
outlet
's
mun ication
Dear Editor:
publication for such trivialities
the
with
wron
g
newspaper
gone
's
comprising your
Wha t' s
as Retrenchment , Housing,
down
walk
even
't
letters column?
wor ld? I can
.
calendar chan ges, etc. when
,
Obviously,
even
trying
to
the stre et, in broad daylight
there is a problem that is more
ponder a new method to detail
witho ut six of -th ose damn
serious than anyone can
CJ
J- «
ti 3
«
all the opinions that I hold
communists coming up to me
±J»c3>-i
S
«
B
C
O
B
H
AO
i
a
u
possibly imagine? This is a
Q
^
Im
which
are metaphorically andand asking for a hotdogH
problem that , if left un,
M C SI C
or
symbolically
afrai d to go home tonight
similar to
i
.
-t
- *-,
I*
disturbed , can grow like a
every
brainfunctioning
they're in my kitch en now
fungus throughout the world.
hotd ogs and beans.
my
member of the student body
eatin g
Unbelievable , but true !
'
I
could not ultimat ely produce a
They re in all the classes
Since you deal so much with
justifi
ably more worth while
atte nd , lau ghin g at me ,
triviality I believe you have no
followingme wherever I go. do
manner
in which to list the
indication of the very existence
no
Why doesn 't Mr. Ford of
many
impressio
ns . that are
of this problem. It is foolish for
something to stop the spread ,
inbued
upon
my
emotional and
you to overlook it.
inte rna tiona l commu nism
logical personality framework
The
problem
which
I
am
before it' s too late? Oh, God!! !
by the sight reading and depth
speaking of is the problem of
Sincerely your s,
perception I peruse your pap er
as
loose
underwear.
Even
now,
TO e w j s >—•
" w w ts *3 5. r; QO n ^ U u ? *> r
"Un cle Ji m"
with.
I write this letter , I am
Pre sidentof BSNS
It boils down, or up, to a
problem
.
bothered by this very
concise,
precise prai se of your
How can anyone even begin to
incredible
publication : it
consider the solving of the
ama
z
es
m
e,
I
love it, it sends
world' s other problems when
me
w
i
t
h
a
fantastic
one is forced to squirm in pub"?
Dear Editor:
catapulation
into the
because of a lousy piece of
I am the Editor of Sports
paradisical
realm
of nevercotton wedged between one's
Illustrated and have been
ending Xanadu.
there
are
times
cheeks.
True
,
reading some of the past issues when a person can hide in a
Needless to say, your paper
and I' m completely thrilled and
has made of me a " sweet
corner to strai ghten the
appalled at the same time.
hostage. " Never set me free; I
but
there
is
situation
out
,
The subject that docs both
always the possibility of the beg of you.
these things to me is the weekly
S. T. Coleridge
sneak attack leaving one vircolumn "Borrowed Space. " I
tually
helpless
at
the
clutch
of
a
am thrilled that a college
Who 'd you say
BVD dropout. It is ridiculous!
student has as much insight to
I sincerely hope that next
by Yitch Mears
you were again?
college athletics as Bill does
you will wake up and
semester
Poison Pen Peggy will not review this play as she has done an aboutand
at
the
same
time
appalled
investiga te this particular
face and join ed the BSNS players.
Dear Edit or:
by the numerous amounts of
matter
The play "Ho w Green IS the Gras s Over There?" was performed ,
Why do people write lette rs to
crap this boy has to take. I
Yours
in
clothing,
directed , produced , created, and watched by the BSNS Players. I
the Edito r? Is it to see their
would have written this in a
P
i
erre
C
ard
i
n
received permission to enter the otherwise closed performance due to
name (Marc Miller) in the
personal letter to Bill, but I felt
my excellent qualifications as critic : I' ve read the play 500 times ; I
paper or wha t?
that the whole campus should
Edited to death
have complete knowledg e of lighting, staging, and costuming; plus I
I mean , what' s the big de*»7
they have talent right
know
that
quickly per ceive the symbolism behind the play. Also, I am intimate
Frtu FefuUw ,
about seeing your name
un der th eir noses an d don 't
friends with all of the participators.
Grm tueojdy theds eiths
(Marc Miller) in the paper?
'
even
bother
to
recognize
it.
The play was staged in the middle of the Carver ruins , using the
lsjfjo?
figngdls
almtehs doens
Is it so they can show all at
Well , I say, "Phooey on them. "
pieces of fallen beams , and the sizzling wires as props . It set the mood
,
anthdls
jf
,
Noet is tj ei goeathris
home that their name (Marc
Bill, I would like to offer you a
of the play immediately giving one a feeling tha t life couldn 't be much
L
o
g
j
i
h
u
i
u
i
d
fslsjfjflri.
Miller ) was prin ted in the
j ob. Sports Illustrated would be
worse.
jdaeiuwri .gjkjaieeurie ,
college paper?
glad
to
take
your
columns
each
Ben Kolinsky, playing the character of Eaton Crow , ma de h is
Go
intiss
goeisis.
nowtitheit
j!!
Could it be tha t they ' re tr ying
and
every
week
and
prin t them
presence known as he tripped lightly (or not so lightly ) over the
dkduei?
dksodss
sldid
Noding,
impress someone by havin g
to
f or our sports f ans so the y can
wooden beams and lurched towards his beloved mate , Ledit Beknown ,
itthiew
Disjerelh
fnowe
their
name (Marc Miller ) in
get the full enjoyment and
only to grasp the live wire instead , and nearl y electrocuted himself.
dkjfjflejadj
dmfjewu
djidpoad
print?
knowle dge that you h ave to
Eaton Crow 's costum ing consisted of mulch. (Mulch is used instead
djfeujd dijid dkfdjf!!
Even though most of the
offer.
of manure for fertilization and you can guess the symbolism there! )
,
dfkdj
.
wiednfd
j
,
Dddd:kuu
letter wr iters have someth ing
In closing, I would like to
Crow , a youn g man , continually fumbles his way throug h life trying to
dfdiuf.
,
"Siddhf
Disdrf
,
to say , isn't their ulterior
direct a comment to the
prove a point but always missing it.
Ghowidjf
,
D.
H.
SFgjklsjd
,
motive just to see their name
Campus Noise sta ff to see if any
Ledit BeknowTj , portrayed by Poison Pen Peggy, is a youn g woman
fdjgijl:
Ins
ffjld
,
fotheidd?
(Marc Miller) In the paper?
of those educated people know
who Voiced her opi n ion on the ar t s and alwa y s got negative f eedback
anhg
giuid.
,
gjia
,
niedf , fint
Signed,
the answer : Who the hell is
from EVERYONE , Ledit Beknown 's costume cons i sted of a million
•
Digrru thiueioeir sdifhepu ,
With held
Name
BTO
?
seeds (mostly of contempt ) which were planted wherever she went.
p
le
a
j
e
the
p
eo
,
hoguiw,
ghueusd
Signed,
Supp ortin g actor , Waste Mat ter refused to supp ort due to the points
of this miserable publication.
Mr.
BUI
Slpler, Sr.
t ha t weren 't being made and the opinions that were being made
Driekwefy,
S. I. Editor
know n ; wh ile sup porting actress , Barb Weezencheez its tried to censor ,
OldPrueiwkde que
t hose dama gin g par t s of the dialogue that she felt would give her , as
well as Le dit Beknown , a poor image.
The l ightin g was excellent considering the fact that i t was not being
Cheif Chtf
Barf WfzencheezIti
I
Production Mangier
taken care of and all acting was center staged under the stationary
Vltch Mean
8
Taking Care of Byilnen
John
It
Will
Yt
1
spotlight , blind ing most of the actors and actr esses. The performe rs
Token Gre«k Editor
Emoch schlut
i
Pton Aisltfant
Diane Daniklni
a
acted with eyes closed , bringing in an added dimension to the play,
Nobody Octi Publicity Editor
Polton Pan Peggy
3
and keeping the audience anxious as to who would be the next to
Athltt lc Supporter
Tht KId
a
Athletic Participator
Ad Hoc
8
tumble.
Dark Room Manager
Mandy Raton
a
Another
Loon
with
a
Camera
The play also called for audience participation for when a performer
Arnold Palmer
Q
Sloppy Editor
Kim Covott
1
fell off the stage, he-she was thrown back onto the stage by the
Subtract AAanaper
Cracked Spllnlen
8
audience members who were the closest.
Ken-Boy, Dutroyer of Public Relations and Publication! claims no relation * with this
fi
¦
It was definitely the most determined play I've ever seen , adn I'm
publication ,
-" Ptoiwi Linda Grlikeetaway, Jaff Annera, Hammer Schult i, Diane Oeihumfhaldt, Mrt.
fi
sure some of the numerous nuances were missed by even myself
O'Leary 't ion , Wrutlin g Matton. Bill Poxnolt, "Gettin g Naked" White, Bill Bill Slpler, Jr. ,
I
Peachy K»tn, Wary Spai, Eoor Stravlnikl, Louie the Hun, Lenny BlaaahilcK,
although I would never admit it it questioned in a court of law.
*
Plainerii Al Paelno, Thorn JeTfli, Jo Will y, German Debutant. And Hough, Cnarlet Dlcklnion.
.
|
"How Green IS the Grass Over There? " has a definite social comAm itant Manolerii Ad Hoc, Kim Coyote , Diane Dagger, Joan Part, Peachy Keen,< FUhy
ft
t
n
•
|
*
Scales, Donf Care, Oenflemen Prefir Halnet , Miller High Life .
ment to make, and when I figure it out, you will be the first to know.
¦
Other Cohortit Billy Shakeiper, Walt SMiman, and other anorted degeniratM ,
B
However , at this point in time, let it suffice to say that If the Play 's the
thing and this thing is a play.

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Employee of the week

Huns inger cops
semester honors

—Hunsinger (far left) is always right where the action is.

I ' mmm . . .

SUBS

|

by Barf Wizencheezits
Atilla the Hunsinger has been
unanimously chosen by the
Campus Noise staff as Employee of the Week. Atilla's job
on the BSNS campus? No one
really knows for sure...not even
Atilla himself.
The question is, why does A
the H remain on the payroll?
That's a very good question
that deserves a very good
answer. Too bad I don't have a
very good answer.
Hunsinger is supposed to take
care of the health and food
areas on this campus and often
he will be caught by a Noise
photographer in action shots,
(please note pictures accompanying this story. )
If you have-been around this
campus a while, you know the
reputation the Bloomin '
Hospital has among students.
Atilla apparently knew it too,
because when he was accosted
as to why the reputation has
been perpetuated for years, he
clearly replied, "What
nospicai r "

319 East Street
Bloom sburg

I
I

784 - 5353

1

'I—

'

^

|

*
"

^

"The Best For Less "

HAR TZE LL' S
MU SIC STOR E

72 N. Iron St.

Blooms burg
9 am ¦ 9 pm MON. - SAT.

It is involvement by our
leaders as such that reignites
faith in the BSNS system. Why,
when Atilla's name became a
household word and students
tried to talk with him about
their problems with health
service, Atilla, true to form,
clearly replied , "What
students? "
Considering all that Atilla has
been involved in at BSNS, he
will be on Sabbatical next

Wh at is it ?

-Here's Attila the Hunsinger in one of his active roles as Vice-Prez .

Free "supp ort " for
voter registra nts

All you have to do is get two

by Tim O'Leary

Now you can h ave f un an d
fullfill your political responsibility, all at the same time.
Yes, if y ou act now , you can.
With this special limited offer
from Bloomsburg State Normal
School , vou can win. totallv
tree, your choice of colorful
underwear, emblazone d (in
state gic places) with the words
"SUPPORT".
Yes, make voting f un , even if
it doesn 't make a damn bit of
difference. And, as a special
treat from Pierce Atwawa and
J oe Vone while you 're hav ing
all th is fun , you even register to
—

g

^^

—

_ —

_

— -~ —

—

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^

vuic - a mm mtuieru 10 you.

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£1^ d*^

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_ _ _ «_

Yes, for the mere waste of time
standing In line, and lett ing

some little old man take down
your name , you too can win this
nifty underwear , What a treat !

more people to vote a f ter you ,
mak ing sure they get two more

af ter them , ma ki ng sure they
get two mor e after them and

mak ing sure everyone follows

suit accor dingly. But don 't
break the chain or you lose your
underwear ! I t's really not that
tough thou gh, all you have to do
Is get 360 people not including
yoursel f, and your a winner.
Actually it doesn 't even matter
if you vote, jus t get everyone

else to.

Other

than

these

great ,

dura ble, 100% cotton briefs ,
regi stra ti on really doesn 't of ier
much. Both the candidates are

as crooked as the railroad from
here to Berwick. But who cares
about that stuff anyway, a f ree
prize is a free prize , and the
price Is right. So lets all rush
out and fullfill our constitutional obligation and show
who wears the pants on this
campus/

11 JJiJIJOilet 112it etui f i u u

semester getting a welldeserved break in the fast
paced life he leads as a VicePrez. In order to receive the
most relaxing vacation
possible, it is rumored that
Atilla will spend this sabbatical
next semester in his office in
the Administration Building,
carrying on business as usual.
Now you're probably wondering who could ever fill this
Vice-Prez's shoes while he
vacations. The only person who
¦» «

*¦*« .!*_
*
couia iui
me requirements it size
_

_!

A__

_

HE loafers) is Bob Morton. Bob
is accepting the workload of the
Vice-Prez office along with all
his own responsibilities, which
seems to i n d i c a t e t he
magnitude of taking over ,
Hunsinger's position. (This
reporter can't help but wonder
if Morton will be a substitute
"psl " to the campus jocks as
well, which has been one of
Atilla 's major duties as Administrator for Health and
Food Services for the last
sp«/f>ra1 uoarc 1

There is a chance, however,
that Atilla will not get his job
back when he returns in the
fall. But I'm sure there is a
place for him on this campus.
After all, Hunsinger received
his B.S. in Health and Physical
Education and has had experience as a basketball coach.
With prime qualifications such
as these, if he can't get another
Vice-Presidential position, he
can always fill Bill Sproule's
newly-vacated position as head
ujoiDau
football coacn
coach..

I can't find the paper that says who won last week's What is this? but
you know who you are. But the perverbial question still remains What
is This? Not even Dr. McCormick knows for sure , but if you know
something that he doesn 't know write it on a piece of paper and bring it
to the Voice office and if you're r igh t , we'll let you buy us a Capri
Pizza .

Photo phunnies...p hoto p hunnies...p hoto

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I have been enlightened

I hate Hinkel' s phys. ed. classes

l

.

I told you they 're mittens !

.^^

It was here a minute ago.

Now * break tier other toot :

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Well, if you don 't know the answer ,
how the hell should I?

j^

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B100Insourg act . «onu« *™»

Here they are :
_

.

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.

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Bloomsbu rg State Norma l School

The artl ess collegi&te jou rn alists

PsPs
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The off icia l CAMPUS VOICE sta f f shit list.

Barb
Peggy
Da ™ Wanchisen
W1
This is the official shit list for
the Campus Voice for the fall
semester 1975 for the unr uly
innuendos cast about the office
ghetto every Sunday night ,
weekday a ft ernoons an d an y
Peggy Moran : alias Poison
other moments when the emPen Peggy ; for not allowing the
ployees of this so-called
OTE brothers the publi city they
pu bl icat ion are in eac h others
d
eserve in each issue of the CV.
company .
.
Barb Wanchl8en
]ust a
Also
for being a cynic about the
Bloo;nsburg lawy er , alias
Bloomsburg
Players and being
editor In beef; this foununverse
d
in
theatrics.
tainhead of knowledge perta in ing to women 's rl ghtf
makes this l ist for be ing th<
onl y "oh wow you knew " whc
ever does anything on th is
cam pus and for pickin g
Pickett' s pocket. The staffs
onl y wish is that someday we
will be fit to walk in the
darkness cast by her shadow .

Moran

Joe Sylvester

Joe Sylvester : alias the
Italian Scallion ; A shit list
firstl For shir king his duties as
a Delta Pi brother by participating in activities subjective to criticism from fellow
G reeks , and being a subver sive
influence to perspective buyers
of De lta P i doggies.

Ed Hauck ; alias John ny
Quest ; for engaging in act ivit ies such as b oisterous
exc l amat ions p erta in ing to
controv ers ial comments uttere d by f ellow sta ff personnel .
Also for displaying a God
complex as evidenced By his
wear ing the white st coveral ls
ever seen this side of Zion.

These guys didn 't make it for the picture;
Diane Gaskinr. alias Joe look
for another job ; for depriving
Joe of the ult imate joy of laying
out the front page. Also for
bein g absent when Peggy
needed someone to explain to
Randy Mason why BUI Bailey's
picture wasn 't In the p ap er.
And for coming in late Sunday
nights and saying "I' m bored"
and thinkin g we're all crazy .

Lenny Bakick : alias Lenn y
Blahs ick ; for rejecting our
suggestions of Sam 's foot as his
column title and using Mike 's
Hat , and for not being abl e to
come up with anything funny
for this lampoon. An for hissing
his snake 's tooth sar casm
under the guise of Mike 's Hat. ,

Mary Pat O'Don nell: alias
Mary Spaz ; for being the first
perso n on the staf f to have the
guts to rip into the football

team.

Ed Hauck

¦

Dale Myers

Craig Winters

Cr aig Winters : alias Adamsup Crai g; for being the only ad
mana ger to arr ive on work
nights at 10 p.m. thus forcing
the editorial staff to refrain
from lay out until said time.
Also for tak ing a g y m cl ass
Involv ing long distance ru nnin g
about the town to secure ads.

Dale Myers: alias Ridin g the
Pine ( ESQ.); for being the only
sports editor in the histor y of
this paper to tel) it like it is.
How in the wprld did \ the
Campus Voice ever secure a
such exjournalist with The
answer
ceptional talent ^
being the impeccab le taste he
has In the meetin gs an d sub- :u 'i
sequent friend -mak ing of
exquisite women . Also for being
the only person to come close to
drinkin g the entire CV staff
- under the perv erbia l table. A
rematch of this event will be
staged in New York City this ;
March in tha t well known Iris h
P u b r e f e r r e d toi as
MagUlicudd y's. Also for being
the only sports editor in the
history of the paper with a head
the size of a blimp...a nd still no
beard...and still no bra ins...and
still no luck.

¦
• ¦
.>• i

l^ ^^ ^^ ^

Vickie Mears Marc Miller Tim O'Leary BiU TroxeU
^mm

w mr

Vickie Mears: alias Vitch ;
for abscondin g at a ridiculously
early hour on Sunday nights
with the copy, requirin g the
edi tor ial s t a ff to guess the
count. Also for havin g an Intellectual bull shit gatherin g
where certa in members of this
sta ff becam e inebriated to the
point where the y were no longer
res pons i ble for ac t ions the y
ma y have engaged in durin g or
after said gatherin g. And for
being so organized that she
says she can put out a 20-page
pa per in two days..

So here it is folks - the truth
behind the working of the
illustrious Campus Voice staff.
Take it for what it' s worth ,
don 't read anythin g into it • It
won 't be worth your time.

J
I

—

Marc Miller; for not explaining to Barb and Vickie
exactly what the realm of a
jitney is. If you tell Barb you
get a free Capri Pizza.

Tim O'Le ary: alias Mrs .
O'Leary 's son ; for being the
only real sports writer and not
an t a gon izing t he soccer t eam to
the extent that the y woul d wr ite
us a nast y letter. C' mon gu y s
we know you can do it.

Bill Tro xeU: alias Bill FoxHole ; for expounding on his
many perfection s while in the
presence of the other sta ff
members and for f a il ing to
show u p for important meet in gs
on the appointe d days and at
the app ointed times.

m Chiodo /qiiqs ^Cc jfc f^
X U.J05 purposely lef t ou"i
of this Jist- because
Q^t^
insio-tod of Jayinc -out ouiih
¦tanfc S^afF co *s3\nd* y
piQ ht , X o*as <,tuciy*rV
journalism M i^ome
u^ th
Besides
fny huG bc^d '
^hat X" g^ue
^ p & rt
y
.anyon
e sro&ke
<$ nd X ixsc»a.l^ n + -l«t
'
in cu r toourcj tic.is apa.yt menrl^u s Ccc
Aic G no one J-ikres AW nr^H-her-m kieS

What do you think of the CAMPUS VOICE ?

Ad Hoc-What do I think of the
Campus Voice? Wow , you
really caught me by surprise. I
don 't know much about that rag
except for the fact that the
Sports section really riles up
the racial raucous. Jocks like
myself really like to see our
names in print - say , buddy, do
you have a match that works?

Miller High Life-With all the
problems on Somerset , Love of
Life, The Young and the v
Restless ,All My Childre n,
Ryan's Hope, As the World
Turns, Guiding Light, Edge of
Night , General Hospital, and
Another World , how can you
ask me a question like that?

Poison PenPeggy, Nobody Get

Publicity editor—As compared
to what? Seriously, I think they
should do away with reporting
meeti ngs and doing features on
different
campus
organizat ions, and direct their
energies into more rewardi ng
channels such as: everyone or
the staff should have a olumn
and more importantly, they
should refrain from permitting
letters to the editors and include only the editorial reply.

Cracked Spllnters-I feel the
Campus Voice is the greatest
literar y accomplishment since
theMa gna Carta ,
BUI Foxhole-Th is paper is
exquisitel y exquisite.

Vitch Mear s—When it speaks
to me I'll let you know. Oh! You
mean that paper? I like to try to
figure out which pages the ads
will be on; it stretches my
mental capacities.

The Kid—Amate ur journalism
of the shoddiest nature with the
possible exception of the sports
page. Other good features include the What is it? and
Scuttlebutt . Perh aps if they
incorporated more items like
this , they wouldn 't get so many
flagrant letters.

Mrs. O'Lear y's son—Who me?
Well, I think The Campus Voice
is just terrific ! It' s the best
newspaper I ever read . I t's got
wonderful stories and ni ce
pictures and I really think it's
just super. Especiall y the ;
comics. Do I get my name in
the paper now?

Barf Wizencheesltz , Chief
Chef-What' s the Cam pus
Voice?

!

]
1

i
I

Emoch Schlue—I would give you
an answer , but my mother told

\

I < CAMP US QUI Z
j Bj

"Midnight Mass "

I

1

byAd Hoc'
Haas Auditoriu m was the '
setting last Saturday night and
at 11:30 the pre-mass
ceremonies had begun with the

i
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¦

usual carols pertaining to the
yuletide season. Amidst the
"Hallelujah Chorus ", f rom lef t

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a
a
.
¦
¦
¦
¦
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¦
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9

stage behind the pulpit sprung
the chorus-l ine of dancing girls \
dresse d in pure (driven J
snow ) white with crowns of
silver tin- sel. Finishing on a
good note and forming a star (5pointer ) , the next scene topped
off the pre-feast festivities. A
line of five bandeleros dressed
in toned down purple outfits
made of lace , encompassed the
stage to the tune of "W hen The
Saint Come Marching In ".
The main part of the i
"production " dealt with the
usual mass movements with
onl y a few extra people added

I

I

,

'

I

7B4-HB44
ll4 11b44

I

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ON ALL REPAIRS & ACCESSORIES

Just Show Studeht I.D, For Discount

{

I

for effect , of course. During this
part of the perf ormance the
only flaw that was quite obvious
v/as the miscues on the lighting,
the probably didn 't h ave
enou gh time to practice
because "Christmas only
comes once a year !" For th e
most part , t he Euch ar ist was
kept simple due to the ability of
the leading man holding on and
controlling his ' part of the
performance. The f i n a l
"A men" was brough t to a
climax with the whole cast
joining in dancing, singing an d
strumming in harmony to "Th e
Lord 's Prayer."
In my book , "Midnight
Mass " gets th ree an d a h alf
stars ; f or those who m issed thi s
ga la performa nce—well ,
there 's always next year !

10% Discount to BSC Students

I

MARKET STREET SUNOCO

by Barb Fahey
As Editor-in-Chief of the
Obiter, I have a few words for
the student body of this campus. Eat •*&%, then go $*+$
yourselves.
I am tired of all the bullturd I
receive from you flaming
idiots. Who ever told you how to
put a yearbook together?
Do I tell you how to run your
um uuuaca

\ u y uuiiimg uieiii

down) or how to run CGA
( assasinate Snorton) or how to
play your athletic contests
( give up)? No! So quit trying to
tell me how to put out a yearbook.
What do any of you know
about layout. Quite a bit I would
imagine. But I don't mean that
type! It's what you put on the
sheets; not between them.
Then you people have the
nerve to bitch about your
pictures not being in the book.
Half the time someone will try
to take a picture and you duck
or hide your face. Then what do
we use for the-book? A picture
of your butt, ass if you will,
v yuux lhssi siue iiiay ue) :

Or people will say, "I think
this belongs in the book but that
doesn't Well, I'll teU you now,
what goes in is my decision, not
any of yours'. ( Unless $5 cash is
sent along with the picture you
want to appear in the '76
Obiter. )
Also, your stupid seniors, the
book does not come out of your
senior dues. So don 't come
crying to me that you paid your
dues and did not receive the
book. ( Yell at your class

J

Ma|°r & M'n°r R<?PalrS

' »TUNE-UPS

•BATTERI ES

RICH BELINSKY • Proprietor

.

^

.

president for misleading you).
And give us time to mail them
out. Stop poinding on the door
the first day school is back and
expect to receive a book! ( You
may expect to be shot.)
Speaking of dumb seniors, all
you December graduates for
1975 do not belong in that book,
you go in the 1976 Obiter. So
don't complainn you didn 't get
a book because you don't
deserve one. (We can't help it
tnatyou re misnisj.
And if you think you gave us a
lot of money and are patting the
benevolent CGA on the back,
think again. That is still not
enough to put out a full-color
book! (Who likes black and
^
white anyway? )
to be
people
seemed
All you
no
were
dissatisfied that there
year's
pictures of profs in last
book. Too bad... They aren't
••

.

k

•

£>• A. __ V

¦

even all that cute. I will make
one concession by putting those
back in, but I can 't guarantee
any Adonises or Venuses. (And
they don't give A's in exchange
for a picture in the Obiter*)
We want our paychecks back.
Why should we work for hours
without pay. (Lincoln abolished
slavery, Toczek revives it. )
We will no longer allow
peopj e to come into the office to
"look over" a book and dirty it
so that they can but it cheaper.
( Bunch of scrounges.)
Well, now that you know
where we stand (on the right
hand of God) and we know
where you stand (out in cow
dung strewn pastures) we can
all work together to put out a
great yearbook. (Make the
editor a rich woman! ).

Obi ter ass con tes t
Hear ye! Hear ye!

Everyone enjoys a good piece of ass. Especially the Obiter staff!
That is why we are sponsoring a:
NICE MALE ASS CONTEST
Some of the requirements are: 1) be a male 2) wear tight hip hugger
pants 3) bring your beautiful buttocks to our office where the judges
(the editor-in-chief , business manager and layout editor) will determine, through a battery of tests, if the ass meets our standards of
excellance.
The winner and four runners up will then have their darling
derrieres featured in a special section of the 1976 Obiter.
(
We are looking forward to meeting you contestants.
Put your best cheek forward !

To the
Production Staff

J^^^W^^^^ ^WW ^P^^^^^^^(WBfc
ax - i *
*
»
¦¦ MJUtfUlUiffy"' ^Sttf
JijElfiw
aftfTOM "**¦
> a"lfc ,i, 8£afSws

I would take this
space up to tell
you what a tru ly
fine job you have
done on the layout ,
the typ ing, and
the running of the
computers at th e
Morn ing MessBerpi ck Ent er
Surprise
affectionately

7IUo7<)7
24 HOUR WR ECKER SERVICE ™

•STATE INSPECTIONS

-

^4^ f

A pr oducti on -not a feast

I

1

Obiter Dicta !
¦
_

*

8. The campus beauttfication
l. Who is the President of
project will be directedby:
BloomsburgNormal School?
a) a nursery
a) Abraham Lincoln
S
b) Arthur Fiedler
b) Charles DeGaulle
B
c) Dean Norton
c) * Abraham, Martin and
H
d) Stanley Kubrick
*
'
John
M
¦
9. Who are the co-captians of
d) Jarr.es McCormick
the BNSbasketball team?
m
2. Who is the director of the
¦
a) Lewis and Clark
BloomsburgHospital?
b) Gilbert and Sullivan
¦a) Chad Everett
c) Sacco and Vanzetti
b) Jack The Ripper
tW
v
3) Radocha and Evans
Leary
c) Timothy
m
10
The Obiter is:
d) Dr. Reese Cups
H
a) the college yearbook
b) misspellingof the Orbiter
c) a spaceship
3.Theleader of the famous BNS
flg
d) a form of venereal disease
«
student revoltsof the70's was !
11 Who runs the BNS radio
¦B
a) Che Guevara
station?
b) Pierce Atwater
jH
a) WHLM
c) Jerry Reuben
»
b)
The syndicate
d) Caesar Chavez
Wb
c) Peggy Moran
d) Jim Ryun
w
4. The buses to the fieldhouse
12.The Greek Systemis:
a) a new mathematical
run:
B
a) Always
concept
ffi
b) fraternal organizations
b) Sometimes
1b
c)
a form of sex
c)
Never
B
d)
all Greekto me
d) Out of gas
SI
1
3.
The
food whichis served in
Wt
s. What will be the next ext
h
e
C
ommons
reminds me of :
S
cavat
ion on the BNScampus:
a)
a
nuclear
enema
a) Grant's Tomb
mt
b)
Mom
home
cooking
's
b) Buckalew Palace
|»
c)
Dad's
home
cooking
c) Jim Percey's Office
m
d) Baby brother's diaper
d)
jw
Another new dorm
14.
To obtain decentoff-campus
6. Who willassumethe position
H
housing
onemust:
of head football coach?
J|
a)
eat
a grenade
a) Curly the bus driver
m
b)
perform an unnatural sex
b) Knute Rockne
§
act
c) Mr. Savage
f
c) move to Wilkes-Barre
d) Bill Sproule
I
d) invest in a tent
7. The next BNE concert will
/
15. The editor of the Campus
be:
!
Vciceis:
a) a Joke
i
a) Randolph Hearst
b)
a financial disaster
I
b)
Patty Hearst
c) The Mormon Tabernacle
1
c)
actually a migrant worker
1
Choir
d)
just
a Bloomsburg lawyer
d) The Who?
I
m

From the right hand of God

^

the
Produ ction
Staff

All I wanted w as a fre e game.

.

Hus ki es I n swa m p

over Steelers

by Mrs. O'Leary's son
Before the Pittsburgh
Steelers could count on their
guaranteed playoff berth ,
Headcoach Chuck Noll wondered if the champion Steelers
would play any real competition this season. "After
winning it all last year," Noll
stated in a secret interview, "I
wondered if Pittsburgh would
really see any actiorf this year.
After all- we only play a few
small-time teams like Houston,
Cincinnati , Oakland and
Miami. What we really need
is a eood, strong, solid team
that will give us a battle to
tune us up tor the playoffs.
That is where Bloomsburg
comes in. Coach Noll went
through all his records, along
with his assistant coaches and
several key players in search of
the toughest team in football.
After quickly eliminating the
re mainin g twentv -five teams in

the NFL as, "too easy", the
staff went to the college level.
They sought after such teams
as Ohio State, USC, UCLA, even
mighty Perm State, but all were
busy preparing for their upcoming bowl games. Then
Coach Noll went to the
powerhouse small colleges, but
they too refused, in an effort to
"save their strength for next
season." With nowhere to go
and roads of possibility closed,

SrsHtss
KTSgs sSSS

Noll came to Bloomsburg expecting to get the same
treatment and results. But it
was not to be; Coach Bill
Sproule and his assistants
welcomed the proposition with
open arms. Coach Sproule is
quoted as saying "Yeah, sure,
what do I care, I ain 't gonna be
tensive series, la^ "' HaW
here next year. "
^* uic &cuuc was set , ana on
last Tuesday afternoon, before
a packed house at Redman
Stadium , the Pittsburgh
Steelers took on the Huskies of
Bloomsburg State.
of m s
was ta ken out
It was destined to be a Titanic
struggle right from the opening
kicJcoff , which Bloomsburg
returned to the Pittsburgh ten
yard line. ( Actually it was
Bloomsburg 's ten yard line, it
was Bloomsburg 's whole
stadium , but they called it
Pittsburgh's ten yard line, 1
don 't know why.) From there,
starting quarterback Lou
Sannutti promptly lost 35 yards
in two plays. "I didn 't knmv
what to do, " claimed Sannutti
after the game, "they were so
big, and there were so many of
them. "
But once the Huskies got used
Brad shaw j ^Lfining
to the Steelers style of play
'
they were no match for them.
The offense regained the lost
yardage on a quick burst by
running back Bruce Smith who
carried the ball to the one yard
line. From there it was no

^wfeTs

FtSwas

sfif ts- rffl

B^ rySStf :
5-lsSrffts

Cries of "pig pile" erupted during the Huskies game with the Steelers.
referees stopped the game and
awarded the Steelers the ball as
a trophy. But that was it for the
Steelers , as the Bloomsday
Defense shut down any further
attem pts. Defensive back
Barry Staton ended the first
half as he picked off Brad-

Shaw 's fifth interr pnHnn n t «,«

day. So the half ended with
Bloomsburg winning 45-0.
The second half was only
slightly less exciting than the
first , as Bloomsburg piled on 24
more points, and held Pittsburgh scoreless. The handfull
of Pittsburgh rooters in the
stands chanted for their lost
cause; "Dee-fense , Dee-fense"
but it was to no avail as the

ISS

m
'r$&*
M»•» the

Huskies ran ruptshod over the
fl oundering steel curtain.
Late in the fourth quarter,
just as the fans were piling out
of the stadium , Pittsburgh got
one more chance. The Steelers
were at midfield when Franco
Harris managed to breakaway
for 20 yards. The Bradshaw
«/«»nt to Swann. who carried to
the five yard line. And finally
Rocky Blier banged across for
their first score of the day. The
Pittsburgh fans wnt nuts,
cheering for a comeback, but it
was too little too late. Bloomsburg had decided the game
long ago. At the final gun, the
score stood 69-6, with you-knowwho on top.

Crice t *born on the colle ge campu s

by Ad Hoc
In these days of modern
times when nosta lgia and
rel iving the past Is grand , man y
walks of life have cashed in on
this revival scheme. Clothin g,
music, and sports. Yes, sports !
A new , ( yet at the same time
old) sport that is being revived
from the ancient tombs of
Borne is CRICE T. (Chariot
Rac ing In College, Et Tu !)
CRICET (prounounced krik'
It ) would tru ly show the
supremec y between the par. ticipants. It would show the
outr ight battle of man vs. man
and beast vs. beast . Ima gine
the excitement of the turn ing
char iot wheels being pulled by

singles, doubles, tri ples ana

quadruple teams of horses- the
beast that made this ancient
sport what it is toda y-ancient !
College Is where the chariot s
are making th ere appearance s
and being sent on that rocky
road to revival. Higher
educati on institu tions such as
Naples Universit y, PIT T (Pisa
Institute of Techn ology &
Tactics ), MIT (Milan Inst itute
of Technolo gy ) and th e
Universi ty of Rome would have
an obvious advanta ge due to
previous participation and long
time knowled ge of this fast
growing sport. Just think of the
enthusia sm the frats on campuses across the nat ion would
have towards CRICET , Even
thou gh fraternaties are Greek ,
they would gladly Join in on the
fun and merrime nt of the
revival. As part of Hell-Night,
the bro thers could attach a

pledge to the back of a char iot
and drag him arou nd the
football sta dium preten ding it
was the Roman Coliseum and
tha t they have just slayed their
oppenent. (It' s j ust a
suggest ion-they 've done everything else!)
Onto the sport itself. The
premier showing of CRICET In

* pronounced (krlk 'lt)

w

the U.S. will be set in Americas

answer to Rome, the Los
Angeles Coliseum. Monda y

Night CRICET matches will be
aired with commentator
Howard Cosell at the reins.
Color man Ch ar lton Heston will
give the fans the ins-and-outs of

the sport whi l e the rac ing is

tak ing place. The commissioner of this particular
sport place. The Commissioner
of this particular NCAA sport is
Stephen Boyd, an old hand at
char iot racing while in his
youth. Awl we can 't forget the
.^mt *.

ai^fe^

k

Goodyear blimp, that everpresent dirigible, promot ing
Goodyear chariot tires , single
ply, belted bias and radial.
The multi-team mataches
will be held in various internat ional locations for
memor y sake. The Sparta
Relays is a big match and the
Carthage Invitational promises
to draw the best of the rein
masters. The Rally of the
Acropolis is the premier annual
event and always has a good
showing. In conjuctlon with
NCAA ruling in Marathons , a
special race has been introduced to CRICET-24 HOURS
of THEBES. The Rubic on Road
Rally has and will again prove
to be a favorite of CRI CET fans
throughout the globe. The
World Championships will be
held in the place wher e It all
started over 1000 years ago, the
Roman Coliseum.
As a sign of approval of the
scorers , the fans will have the
opportunity to purchas e and
then "flash" their reversible
"Thumbs-Up ; Thum bs-Down"
pennant. (See Insert ) This, of
/»/ll1l *<
9A
WW«M 9W,

BfliHUI
AM
OHTeS VII

mnf/l«l«l
ill HITOllCU

•>«•• !
CU1U

brings back the realn ess of the
sport since no emperors will be
present to the the signal.
Corny? Yes, but reviving
once a gain this fabulous sport
sends tingles up the backbones
of Christians everywhere (NO
LIONS ALLO WED ) and will
prove to be a sport worth
remember ing and a sport of the
future.

Jt '

'

'

__

".

Bi-weekly J a b berings ^

fll ^^H-

. —

^—————-

^
II

by "The Kid"
We all know the image of the
typical college jock-type: a big
guy who struts around the
campus, with 20 or 30 chicks
struggling behind, carrying a
basketball or a pair of spikes
and using a pair of gym shorts
for a book bag. But , then that's
what we're all here for isn 't it?
To be the perennial BMOC or
BWOC because we either know
one of these people or are
striving to attain that blessed
status .
No, I say! We are here to
engage in what is called a
learning experience. We're not
supposed to be idolizing
someone simply because they
were born with more coordination and quicker reflexes.
This type of subversive activity
is undermining the intellectual
fulfillment which the college is
responsible for. This is why I
must resign my status as sports
editor of this rag and call for
the discontinuance of all
athletics at BSC.
A step in this direction will
eliminate the overemphasis on
the jock-type and further the
scholastic achievement. No
longer will students be forced to
go to basketball or football
games or be beaten simply
because they f ailed to see a
soccer ' game or a wrestling
match. They will no longer
have to saddle themselves with
excruciating grief because they

^H^R\

*

FROM BOTH SIDES *

#

couldn't see a field hockey
contest. They could now devote
their time to study, sleep and
most importantly intellectual
bullshit. The students who work
to supplement their education
on the slop lines in the Commons, would no longer have to
compete with the athlete who
works at making sure no one
steals the Fieldhouse. Just
think, Nelson Fieldhouse could
be turned into a dorm and
Redman Stadium could be
converted to an open-air
theatre. All the athletic
equipment could be auctioned
off and the money given to the
campus beautification project .
To say the least BSC's
educational ineptitude would
take a giant leap toward success ?
"Big Husky " sports institution
On the other side t of the
proverbial coin, it seems
conceivable that all educational
courses at BSC could be
eliminated and only athletics
majntained. After all , if
athletics were dropped ,
students would be deprived of
the ultimate pleasure of Delta
Pi doggies and SIO scorecards.
Every person who would come
to this school would be required
to enroll in one sport as a
major, and then obtain 12 hours
in both the social and natural
aspects of team athletics.
Dropping academia would
also end the age old rule of
intelligence over stupidity.
Nobody could be looked upon as

*
smarter than anyone else
because everyone would be a
jock, not to mention the
g r e g a r it y t h a t a nonintellectual environment would
provide among the students
within the institution. The jock
could not be looked to as the
BMOC because once again,
everyone would be a jock. And,
with «everyone
_ _ ». _
!_!_ _ * being
._ extremely
. . peons,
popular me iormer
wno
at one time were not athletes
would not have to feel slighted.
Haas Auditorium could be
converted to an ice hockey
arena and all the science labs
could be turned into adapted
phys. ed. labs. Kehr Union
could be changed to a universal
weight set and Navy Hall into a
sauna. If this were done across
the nation with BSC setting the
precendent, America would no
longer be fat.
It's my belief that we should
give the students what they
u;ant

** %aAAV>

TtoniHo fnrfoir

A^V^^ AVl^^

vv\IUJ

%

Joe Vaughn reacts with emotional outburst at the possible dropping of
academics at BNS.

tnrnnm 'tmt
vvillwi

A. ^J TT

may be too late. Do you want an
intellectual stronghold, or a
citadel of athletic accomplishment? I must lean
toward the intellectual environment, since I will be the
feature editor next semester, '
and none of my colleagues ; can
adeptly fill the positio.i of
sports editor.

Running Amuc k

by Ad Hoc
The feature sports story this
week Is on the cross-countr y
team and in part icular BSNS's
super-runner Stiff Chez.
Stiff is a fourteeth semester
grad student who claims that
running is his life and his goal is
"to reach the edge of the
world. " Stif f ' s daily workouts
consist of a warm up that entails a mild 1ofl from BSNS to
Williamsport and back in time
for the main run , which is from
BSNS to New York City. The
first meet the team has
scheduled this year is at
Kansas State , but since CZZGA
has revoked every campus
activities use of the vehicles,
except for themselves , they
must run there as their warm
up. They will start on Oct. 1 for
the Oct. 19 meet, Just so they'll
be there in time.
Coach Ronald McPooh has
been quite concerned abou t
stiff lately. "He's been siacKin g
off in his workouts. Did you
know that Stiff has dro pped
from 600 miles a day to 550 for
workout?" Coach McP ooh
stated ,
This reporter posed another
ment or of
the harrier
"Slacking-Off Stiff" . "With all
this time runnin g, one would

think Stiff' s grade point
average would be rather low, is
this true ?" With that the coach
rep lied, "Stiff' s a student ? "
Among some of Stiff' s winnings was the Tra ns-Canadian
Foot Rally, which is from
Vancouver to New Foundland. (get out a map and see
how far that rea lly is) His time
was 26 days, 22 hrs., 30 mins.,
and 2 sees.
The teams next race is the
East Coast Relays. This is the
way it is run. In four legs by
startin g out from the Canadian
border to NYC, the second leg is
from NYC to Richmond ,
Virginia , third leg down to
Charlotte , S.C. and the final
down to the Florida Keys, the
one that Stiff will try to handle.
For this par ticular meet, workouts will consist of distances
from BSNS to Chicago and
back.

f nr> fh« nnA
M/mu
nnmao
Hmft
ilUfT
WIUV1I
V4**«w •«#• *" .v w*«*r

question interview with Stiff , as
I'm catchin ghim in betweenhis
Chicago strut. "With all this
constant runn ing of such long
distances plus the never endin g
workouts , do you ever get sick
of it or even tired?"
As faBt as he was going at
such a stead y pace , Stiff pon-

dered the quest ion a moment
and with a burst of ener gy
responded ,"No."
Well , as Stiff slowly runs to
the ever setting sun we bid him
a fond fare well and wish him
good luck on his next race , the
grand-dad dy of them all, The
Universe Invitational; just try
and guess where that one will
take him!

Governor Schapp (above ) comes out for athletics In a pro-sports rall y
at Redman Stadium. Below two grapplers wonder if they will be able
t o conti nue t his act ion in publ ic , if we lose our sports program.

Mermen entert ain Afr ican swimme rs
by Cracked Splinters
Last weekend added a new
dimension to Bloomsburg
sporting events as the Husky
mermen entertained the
Airican National Swimteam in
an exhibition match at Nelson
Fieldhouse. The proud African
contingent, consisting of 11
swimmers, three divers and
three gorillas, swam all the
wav from the coast of Africa to
compete in this special occasion.
Thousands of estatic townspeople greeted the tired crew
as they emerged dripping wet
from the Susquehanna last
Tuesday. Bloomsburg mayor,
Richard Nixon, presented the
team captain Tarzan Ubunga
with the key to the city and a
souvenier tape recorder as the
squad piled into a '56 Plymouth
and were escorted up Market
Street in a traditional ticker
tape parade.
The unusual competition
featured such events as the
dead man float, ricochet diving,
and a marathon swim to the
death.
In order to make out visitors
feel more at home, two schools
of piranha were imported from "
the Amazon basin and placed in
the pool.
Husky Coach Eli Not Walkin
was also inspired by the special
match as he increased his
recruiting efforts to meet the
challenge of the powerful
African squad. Following the
national anthems and the introduction of the athletes and
foreign dignitaries, the meet
opened with the 100 meter
freestyle. Competing for the
Huskies in this event were Lou
Starvin', Marc Spitz an d Buster
Crabbe. Competing for the

African squad were Curly, Moe
and Larry. In what had to be
one of the most exciting events
of the night, Starvin' out dueled
the three Africans despite
losing his left leg to the vicious
piranha.
The Huskies continued their
dominence early as they piled
up a quick 37-0 lead. However ,
the wily visitors were not to be
denied as they dumped two
crates of quaaludes into the
Huskies gatorade. The quick
move paid off immediately as
the Africans captured the 100
and 400 meter relay events as
both Husky teams drowned .
Realizing his teams plight,
Coach Not Walkin dumped a
tube of Ben Gay into the
athletic supporter of each team
m e m be r . With this
psychological support the
Huskies re gained their form
and plowed through the murky,
crimson water to gain a 173-21
lead going into the diving
events.
The Huskies again dominated
the diving events as Don't
Falter captured the 1 meter
dive, and also ran the 73 —
dive. Falter held the crowd at
awe as he f ollowed his opening
belly flop with a 32 somersoult
cannonball. Alsoran's clinching
dive in the ricochet event was a
four cusnion jod in wwui "<=
entan gled himself in the
American flag in a marvelous
imitation of a burial at sea.
A slight controversy arose
when one of the African divers
lay on the bottom of the pool
and refused to surface until the
judges raised his score.
The meet now academic the
two squads settled down and
competed in the remaining
marat hon sw im an d dea d

man's float. The latter event is
a real crowd pleaser as five
members of each squad float on
their backs until only one
survives. Bill Fuel captured
this event with a last gasp effort
over Solomon Shickshinny of
the African squad . The ' State
Police are currently trolling the
pool for the remains of the other
competi tors. Due to the lopsided and smell of rotting flesh

Walkin felt that the match was
a good experience to the survivors and added that he will
fill the large gap in his squad by
an in tensive r e c r u i t i n g
program over the Christmas
break.
The meet helped tune up the
Huskies who open their season
with a dual meet against the
Latvian all-stars to be held in
the Dead Sea January 10.

the marathon swim was cancelled. Husky team Captain
Fuel was awarded the most
valuable athlete for his
amazing victory in the dead
man 's float. Fuel is listed in
satisfactory condition at
Bloomsburg hospital.
Following the lopsided 233-34
victory in which the Husky
squad lost nine team members
to the elements, Coach Not

¦

-

~ «JBP

ir

.

*-
A member of the African swim team engages in some post-competition activity with a BSNS
female.

What is a h alt-time ?

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eam the
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sport. He ml
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seenL ft **
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ing

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definitel yt he SSK* Mos<
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J ewish »or
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? coach Is

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A member of the Africa n swim team engages in some nost^St
competition activit y v^ith a BSNS1 female.

>"*en bones
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harm half-time in the least.
Surel y the stu dents who have
mana ged to rema in awake
during an entire frui tball game
un ders t and how upset one can
get watc hing these j ock s in
act ion. M ost stu dents h ave seen
t he team make more passes ,
more Interc e p t i ons an d
defi nate ly score more at one
weeken d p ar ty than the y h ave
throughout the entire season .
I see noth ing wrong with the
fans constr uctively nrotestincz
a g a i nst t h e team ' s performance. Surely with the
protec tion of the security
guar ds it would be cake to rip
out the goalposts on the BSC
side since obviously our team
doesn 't seem to make any use
, .
of them .
After the first hal f of this
action-pack ed game all fans
shoul d be allowed to congregat e
on field and show some real
athleti c ability.
When enter ing the admis sion
gate , the Bloomsburg Band
would definatel y receive a
much greater profit by selling

th an
sets of 8" cold steel rat her
pin-ups
X?i » by l" pam phlet

Sfessft ara
beat
K sl^sur eteway tosln
»™
the opposi ng may
t
bee tne

£!

physical violence
in the
only way we will remain
of
sound
the
winner 's r ing. At
ld
wou
stud
ents
Se buzzer all
to
ready
marS out otv the tteld
tw»
,
m»
ai
suppor t their team the
frultb aU
see
may
v iewers
bi*>
field ta ckle done by a
student thls season .
ltba u
Even though our fru of
the
team did not make the top
they did
state frul tb aU rat ing, (dur ing
tr y their best to score should
the game ) at ever y They
a successful
be commended forgame
in the
and well-played
we ran

?ouVcornpetltlo nthatsar castic
$8j despite the
comments I have made .