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Thu, 02/15/2024 - 17:06
Edited Text
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New classes added to
spri ng master schedule
by PUFFLEY THE MAGIC
DRAGON
Once again students have
made out their class schedules
before the Registrar completed
the list of classes. Although
Schedules are made out for next
'semester, these courses will be
offered in case anyone needs to
add a course or finish their
G en er a 1
Educa tion
requirements. If the courses are
successful, they will be offered
again in thefall . All courses will
count towards the General
Education requirement.
Physical Education: The
Physical Education department
has added the following courses: Beginning Nose - picking
for novices only, Wind-breaking
I and II, Fencing II (a follow-up
of fencing I in which students
will have .the opportunity to
build their own picket fences ,)
and , for those who hate
swimming classes , Dry
swimming, in which students
will practice swimming strokes
in the gymnasium and thusly
have a fun time.
Humanities: This department
now includes : Beginning
Swahili, Literature for Imbeciles, Mongoloid Art , Music
for the Hard of Hearing, and
History of : the Norwegian
Aardvark.
Social Sciences: New classes
include: Sociology and the
Insane, Psychology for the Sexcrazed ( required of all journalism students) , and The
Cultural
Evolution
of
Professors.
Natura l Sciences : This
section has ho new classes.
However, the Biology Department has added a follow-up of
Human , Sexuality, called,
Necrophilia for fun and profit. A
lab session at the morgue is a
Concerts slated
by MOUTH RAPALOT
It is now time for someone to defend that much maligned committee, BSCC. No folks, despite an article somewhere else in this
paper it doesn't stand for Bringing Stiff Corpses Committee. We
are a diligent bunch of student activists, who try as we may just
can 't seem to please the av erage tasteless college student. Subsequently, the committee has now scheduled the following groups
for next semester:
1. Lynyrd Skynyrd (they re going cheap this year)
2. Elton John Hunsinger
¦ ¦' . " ¦
3. Smooch
4. Fleetswood Cadillac
5. SuperWhore
6. Billy A. Hole (the piano repair man )
7 . The Dead Boys - ---—
8. Jimmy Mack and the Red Tapes
Well from this line-up of talent you can plainly see that next
semester should prove to be even more culturally stifling then ever
before . And to all those people who have complained about the
location and cost of concerts, our.new policy is, all concerts will be
held in the 7th floor bathroom at Elwell, complete with different
prices for sink , urinal , and toilet seats.
What 's in a name?
by PUFFLEY
THE MAGIC DRAGON
Many institutions on campus
rely on Acronyms. You know,
the condensation of many words
into one by using all the first
initials. Well, the Campus Voice
has found out - through investigative reporting - that we
have all been fooled. Those
acronyms mean more than we
thought they did. :
For instance , we always
thought that CGA was ComGovernment
m u n i ty
Association. WRONG 1 That
innocent group is really the Call
Girls Association.
\. Interested? Rea d on and find
out just what BSC is all about!,
Here is the entire com-
pilation : CAS-Crafty As Sin,
CCAA) Communist Council on
Acronym Awareness, ASPA - A
Small Pitiful Alumnae , A
PSCUF A Powerful Society for
Constipated Uganda n Fellows,
CEC - society founded by Marie
Antoinette ( Come Eat Cake),
BSCC - Bring Stiff Corpses
Committee, and , of course,
NORML
- | National
Organization for the Reform of
Marine Lovers. ¦ j
Of course, some acronyms
were to complex for us to figure
out (such as QHHELL). But one
was so vile, so awful 1, so
disgusting, and so ludicrous
that we leave it up to the
readers to figure out. It is BSC.
pre-requisite.
Also, the Business Department has added the course How to Cheat on Your Income
Tax Eorms and Get Away With
It.
Once again, BSC has added
courses designed to enliven and
round out the student' s
knowledge.
r:
BSC gets sniper
-*
SMALL CHANGE
CGAheldoneof their gajia affairs the other day (as if you really
care), and several peachy ideas were kicked around.
The Vets club officially petitioned CGA for a sniper and a SWAT
team. The proposal has a dual purpose; to help the club in their
"Don't forget, hire the vet" drive, and town-collegerelations. The
sniper would be chosen from the club's membership, and on an
undisclosed date, would take a position up in Carver's tower, and
begin to fire xipon townsfolk and students alike. The SWAT team,
also members of the club, wouldthen bedispatched, and eventually
'capture or kill the sniper.
,
TheVets club representative, 61Joe, felt that this Would not only
bring Bloomsburg national attention, but more importantly, bring
the town and college together under a blanket of fear that afterward would solidify relations.
i ,j ,^
^ fr an
outside
The concert committee, BSCC, offered to schedule
concert in conjunction with the Vets club proposal. Specific dates
CGA is
can't be given at this time, but after their next meeting,
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expected to reach their final decision.
t,
The newly formed Necrophilia Club asked CGA for funding to
send their members to the National "Get Stiff With a Stiff convention to be held in Washington's Arlington National Cemetery.
CGA decided to match the clubs funds that will be raised in their
"cold flesh" fund drive.
CGA treasurer, Jerry "Cash" Eisenhart then that CGA use the
remainder of the year s funds to send himself an d the rest of CGA to
the Bahamas to study how funds can be spent by students on the
island, and how long the funds can last. The motion was quickly
passed by all members present.
Mr. Bill Hess then informed CGA that it was closing time, and the
meeting was adj ourned.
New housing accomadations
found all-over BSC campus
by SMALL CHANGE
and
Eileenyweeny_ . _ _rCi«LLYBEANY_
On campus housing, ts an
outrage! Triples, field mice,
silverfish, ( and we aren't even
allowed to own goldfish). Why,
it is an outrage.
We at the Campus Voice have
found an answer. We have found
alternate living accomadations
on campus. There are 112 in
Elwell alone! Why should we be
forced off campus in the prime
of our lives?
These startling new accomadations provide private
baths, hot and cold running
water as the season wills, the
ultimate in privacy, and
notepaper is provided daily.
These are single occupancy, but
residents can count on 24 hours
visitation.
Following are the statistics
and other vital information
pertaining to On-Campus
Housing. The information was
compiled by the diligent Small
Change and equally unimportant Eileenyweenychillybeany .
Number of Number of
Building
The residence hall malefemale assignments are up to
the disgression of the housing
office. ( Note: Some of the
figures are rough estimates.)
Since this housing has just
been discovered, they will be
open only to probies, but come
Fall of '78 they shouldbe open to
~n
The housing office , we
believe, has kept these suites
under raps too long! Five
hundred and sixty odcL off
campus residents need, not be
off campus, if only for the
stinginess of the housing office.
WATERGATE !
Dear Washington Post...
No. of
No. of Male
Female
Residences Residences
Carver Hall
2
2
6
KUB
6
8
8
Old Science
Bakeless
12
21
Hartline
16
16
4
Library
4
4
in
Sutliff
Commons
5
5
Nelson
Fieldhouse
14
20
Navy Hall
9
9
Ben Franklin
9
9
Haas
5 • ,
8
Centennial
4
4
Elwell
112
Montour
65
Schuylkill
65
Northumberland 30
Luzerne
56
'
,
109
Columbia
Lycoming
40
GRAND TOTAL: 564!!!
# THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME...Sn6o*e editor Puff ley
the Magic Dragon chocks out ono of tho now on-campus .
rooms. The rooms are designed for single-occupancy,
have running water , land appear to be very cozy. If you
are required to move off ca'mpus, are tripled, or sick of
your roommate , why not chock Into one of these cozy
rooms? (Photo by a camera , dummy I)
Apologies to C.C. Moore
WELL , I FINALLY DID IT...ana I'll be home as soon as I
finish taking my finals I" said this proud BSC graduate.
Let's hope they can't recall the diplomas.
(Photo by Sae Cheeze)
KampusKwizzz..
?
1.) The Gadfly is
horsefly
to
the
cousin
a.) Third
fly
b.) A wayward fire
c.) An oversexed tse-tse fly
d.) Just a bunch of shit
2.) The Resident Advisor
system shouUfbe....?
a.) Abolished
b.) Run out of town
c.) Converted into the metric
system
d.) Taken out of Ben Franklin
2.) The penalty for rape on the
BSC campus will be....
a.) Immediate enlistment into
the Bloomsburg Police Force
b.) Child support
c.) Twenty lashes
d.) Twenty laps
4.) The 19 year old drinking age
will....
a.) Make it tougher for town
cops . .
b.) Increase the AA membership
c.) Increase the consumption of
Thunderbird in Philly
d.) Increase plop-plqpfizz-fizz
5.) Student off-campus housing
should be owned by?
a.) Math y department
b.) riou^irig department
c.) Sahlitatip^department
, ¦
¦¦ ¦
d.) Mafia ^.:;\:£» ; '* ::. '
6.) What is the newest concoction by the Commons Crew?
a.) Egg McCormick
Fried
b.) Colonel Sarris
Chicken
c.) Norton's Frozen Pies
d.) Uncle Abell's Perverted
Rice
7.) The slogan for the Campus
Cash is?
a.) Pass your Cash
b.) Pass your Gas
c.) Pass the Buck
d.) Pass out
8.) Our CGA president is?
a.) A high school sophomore in
love for the first time <
i.
b.) A nerd
c.) Corrupt
j
d.) Jose Surdovale
9.) Tuition in the spring will be?
a.) Too much for even a winner
of the Howard Hughes Will
b.) Won't be payed off by 1980
c.) Will be as costly as a
women's intuition
d.) "Won 't be enuf , " says
Harrisburg.
10.) Bloomsburg's housing
situation is...?
a.) Ridiculous
b.) On-campus
c.) Off-campus
d.) Off the wall
by AL SUKOM AHOOSOWITZ
and
THE GREAT NABU
'Twas the night before
Christmas, when all through the
halls
Not a student was stirring,
within their four walls.
The decorations were hung -in
the hallways with care
In hopes that Saint Nicholas
soon would be there.
The students were nestled all
snug in their beds,
While visions of finals week
danced in their heads.
And McCormick in his nightshirt, and Griff is in his cap
Had both settled down for a long
winter's nap,
When out on the campus there
arose such a clatter,
They sprang from their beds to
see what was the matter.
Away to the window James flew
like a flash,
Tore open the shutter and threw
up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the
new fallen snow
Gave a lustre of midday to the
campus below.
But, what did his wondering
eyes happen to see,
But a miniature sleigh and one
giant Hus-ky,
The little old driver and all of
his elves,
Arrived at the chiming of
Carver Hall's bells.
I knew in a moment without
even a pause, .
That it had to be the man they
call Santa Claus.
Pulling the Husky the elves
cursed as they came,
Santa whistled and shouted and
called them by name:
"Now, Nardi! Now, Hagan!
Now, Duncan and Surdoval !
On, Neupher! On, Zyla! On,
Norton and Abell !
To the entrance of Elwell, to the
doors of Columbia!
Now push and pull! The whole
damn bunch of ya!"
Dropping their beer cans as
they hurried along,
Santa and his elves were merry
with song,
So up to the president's house
Santa Claus gurgled
As the president watched so his
house wouldn't be burgled.
When James looked out the
window he saw in the yard
Eight little creatures and one
giant tard.
As James made his way across
the living room floor,
Santa fell from his sleigh and
banged his head on the door.
As he entered the house and
slammed the door shut,
James thought that this man
was some kind of nut.
The giant pack that he dragged
on the ground,.
Looked like a garbage bag that
he had found.
His eyes were all bloodshot, his
nose like a cherry,
His cheeks were all rosey and
boy was he merry!
The drool from his mouth stuck
in his beard,
And I could hear all the elves
outside as they jeered.
The stump of a pipe he held
tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his
head like a wreath.
Sins of the
academic world
by WILLI AM N.M. BAKER
today i wouldlike to speakon the sins of the academic world.
i wish to give a few purely hypothetical examples of sure measure
student correctional methodology.
mr. fred botherly instructs in the english department of a well know
obscure state school of higher intrest. his students, which number
near the 130 mark, began to get restless and agitated toward the
end of the semester due to the fact that they felt the class time
wasn't adequately covered and they were ill prepared for the final
exam .
he notified the department chairperson of this "uprising - potencial " and was quickly assigned a late exam date, the last day, the
last period, botherly was overwhelmed with the joy only derived
from inflicting severe agony on those who you really have no
feelings for. the students were dismayed and abandonedall hope of
getting a reasonable achievement ratio,
and that my friends is how the system worked in this instance,
there are several modifications of this theory, one uses the term paper - morale - depressor, this tactic is announced at the beginning of the semester but is never truely covered until the week
before finals and two days before the due date, don't forget the spell
the professor 's name wrong failure method, professors tend to
change their names in the ending weeks of the semester to insure
no one to get the name correct, hence, one can avoid correcting the
paper when the professor is an unknown, this is one of the
dasterliest deeds known to academic slavery , truely, the student
should be aware of his professors motives so as to judge who,
where, how and to what extent the professor will attackhim.
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ILLVIS..VA
Merry Chrlitmas and
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Crsatura Editor
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Ebanaiar Grits
Fallx ths Cat
Batsy Ross ,
PuHUy tha Magic Dragon
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Hagan's Hollerings
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Exicuflni Editor .
BuljnaWMiliar
Circulation Managor
Snooxa Editors
From all of the beer he drank he|
had a pot belly
That shook when he laughed
like a bowl full of jelly.
He was clumsy and plump a
right jolly old elf,
And James laughed when he
saw him in spite of himself.
A wink of his eye and a twist 'of
his head
Soon gave James to know he
had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word but went
straight to his work ,
And filled all the stockings;
then turned with a jerk ,
And laying his finger on the side
of his cheek ,
He walked out of the door and
said something in Greek.
He sprang to his sleigh, to his
team gave a whistle,
And away they all pulled at the
speed of a missle.
But I heard him exclaim as he
drove out of sight,
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL
AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT?
ILO
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Shorts Editor
Future Shock
III
Pagllatallan
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Polaroid Paoplo.... Small Chang*
Slim Plcklns
Crappy Editors
Botwoony th* linos Swoonoy
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Hauck, Eric No mo ah, T. Rax Rood, Manure Flushing, Monacham Schlatter, Chrli Preuedham, Ellla Halchod, Small Chang*, Plndy
C*ck, and all lorliof olhor crailoi III
Photographer*! lob McMuflln, Reete Cup, Mono Cod*, Lodger Germain and Thoma* Joflonon.
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Circulated Steffi Poor Marahmallow , Brian Southed and Jo* Itallano.
Hagan'* Hollerlno* ar* located anywhere we lee fit to work I
Hollering* I* governed by »pur of the moment thought* with final reipomablllty for all material with anyon* who wlihe* to
take the blame,
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latter* a,nd we make no exception*. All letter* mutt be ilgned but they probably will be burned In iplle of content or ilgnature,
Name* will never b* withheld nor will they be printed. (Figure that one out I)
NOTBi Th* opinion* voiced In the column* , feature articles, and editorial* are all our own *o If you don't like It, tounh III
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Question submits exciting advent ures
by MENACHEM SCHLACTER
With the coming of the new
semester right down the alley,
Question has submitted the new
listings for their outdoor
programs. There are some
exciting new events to be held
for students, while gaining the
advantage of 'academic credit.
First, and perhaps most
conservative, will be the month
sleep-over in Siberia/ Question
will pay all expenses except car
travel , food, water, and
housing. You and a guest will
have the unique opportunity to
survive the clean, fresh,
commie air and sub-zero
temperature, while earning one
to three credits! Providing you
make it back, Question Will
provide free treatment for
exposure, frostbite, and
malnutrition.
•
If that doesn't appeal to you,
Question also offers you the
chance to run the rapids of the
Colorado
River.
The
prerequisite is that you own
docksidersand a pair of spiked
trackshoes, because when
running on the rocks amidst 40
mph rapids, things get a bit
slippery.
- For you underwater fans,
Question offers a three credit
shark wrestling course. A
takeoff from the motion picture
"Namu - the - Killer - Rapist
Shark" you earn an easy "A"
grade by successfully pinning
the shark under 20 ft. of water.
To remove any danger of injury, your mouth is wired shut.
Saving the surprise for last,
Question has unveiled the
newest addition to its Spring
program - Wooly Mammoth
to
Hunting.
According
Questions director Steve
Berserk, there are still believed
to be a few prehistoric Mammoths left roaming somewhere
in the backwoods of Israel.
You and a partner ! (six
credits) will join the hunt (in
progress for 6,000 years) armed
with WWII phasers and communicators. The only mandatory rule is that the furry
fella be taken alive, so phasers
must be set on stun;
Hopefully you have taken an
interest in this continuing
outdoor program and will keep
a lookout for sign up times and
dates. No promises, but a
glimpse of the Winter schedule
highlights include Unicorn
hunting, Inter continental
Balloon travel, and Tubing on
the Mojave Desert.
Putlk rock band
siurfaces on BSC campus
LOVE NOTHING, THIS MEANS BUSINESS...One of BSC $
male tennis players seems a bit down-trodden over the
match with Neanderthal College. See the back page for
the recent coverage of the match.
(Photo by the camera , again 1)
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So, fellow students, another semester has reached it's long
awaited conclusion. Finals are closing in, and so is Christmas
(shop early and often I). Grades , if you haven't thought about
them now , it's a bit tool late, the handwriting is on the wall (For a
good time call Rachel...). But why worry, all the high school dropouts got all the fobs months ago, anyhow.
Well, I've got the answerI There is a future for you in the U.S.
• Government I Yes , there are positions opening up right now that
pay thousands of dollars a year to their employees I
Just think, You too could bo one of the people that makes
those country shaking decisions. And all it takes is a few months
a year , that's all I If you are interested In this and other big-pay
government jobs all you must do is send in your Energy Plan to:
James Schlesinger, Energy Secretary
co/The Capitol Building
Washington, DC 20037
The drawing for the GRAND PRIZE, a full time government job,
Including fringe benefits, will be held on January 20, 1978. All
entries must be received on or before December 31, 1977.
Don't hesitate , this may be the big break you've been waiting
fori Send in your Energy Plan today Ml
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J} Act Now and Save ! !
U Attention BSC Students ! Here's a jj
|! Christmas gift you can give to all of tj
jfl
5J your family and friends.
$|! The Campus Voice at $10 «I
R a semester. Yes , your friends and i
S family can enjoy this Journalistic jj
|3 Masterp iece at the new low-low I
UP
'
Bt •! -«% ,
'
by T. REX REED
and David "Berkowitz" Warp perturb her, so-she left you fait
I have seen the future of rock
on guitar. Their stage act is and naked to smother in your
and roll and its name is "Billy
nothing short of astounding. I Gerbers." If nothing else, it's
Bong and Dead On Arrival".
caught them at a recent real. .
• 'Bring McCormick Home For
PA's
Bloomsburg
This band is
engagement at the Hotel Magee
addition to punk rock, the new
in downtown Bloomsburg. The Lunch" is a daring, outright
wave that is sweeping the
Magee is an up and coming political attack on our college
world, tearing up and throwing punk rock club reminiscent of
president. "Hey, hey Brian
past
and
the
out both the
New York's CBGB's. In their Sarris, I got a recipe for. youv
present, and offering nothing as short fifteen minute set they Your commons food don't cut it
an alternative. And it's about poured Mr. Bubbles all over the so here's something hew,
Hijack McCormick and run him
time too. Punk Rock is a audience, set fire to Warp's
through your sheer, add some
refreshing change from the guitar, hung silver lamay
all
elements of life today (i.e. love,
athletic supporters from their bread and mayo and we'll
have a turkey sandwich.'- It's a
sharing, honor, happiness, ears, stabbed a picture of Amy
hope, aspiration, Burger King Carter and then doused it with blistering-attack, one that could
Whoppers, etc.). It replaces beer, rode a live donkey across probably ruin McCormicks
:
these tired themes with a void
the stage and then cut off its career if it ever hit the airas wide as it is deep, and in- tail, overturned three fishbowls waves.
Perhaps the song that puts
troduces limbo as an alter- and laughed while the fish
native to heaven. Yes, it is in- hopped up and .down on the this band into perspective the
deed about time, and now we floor, ate three jars of peanut best is one written by Bong
B.S.C. students can be proud butter, became legally ordained entitled, "Doomsburg Slate
that we have a band that will
ministers, tripped three tray Collage". The title, a cleverly
lead us into that void, and help bearing waitresses, took turns concealed play on words, gives
us become the non-entities that
blowing each others noses, and us a hint to the song's content,
we were meant to be.
danced around in Indian namely, a defiant description of
life at B S.C. "Well teacher
"Billy Bong And Death On costumes while Bong, on his
see's me, "You got an E on your
Arrival" is one dynamite band. knees, screamed the word
"radish" into the microphone exam," he whines, so I turn to
Their approach to music is
him and tell him to stich it
incredibly free form and over and over again for ten full
where the sun never shines, the
spontaneous since they haven't minutes. It was an incredably
coed's they are nervous 'cos the
relevant performance, one that
let the technical elements of
boys won't keep away, We're
made me seriously think about
music (i.e. learning how to play
goin out tonight to have a panty
their insturments) bog them my life, my direction, and
raid, and the Campus Voice is
down. None of them have any myself . I'm certain that the
yelling
'Apathy's in town', me, I
musical training or experience emotions that flowed through
say let's burn Huskeyville to the
whatsoever, refusing to even me as I watched these young
ground, and we lost McDonalds
tune their instruments for fear artists on the stage were easily
that it might hamper their as strong as those experienced basketball french fries — 'we
was robbed I hear them say', so
creative, open-ended style of by Alexander Graham Bell
intead I'll go get torpedoed by a
composing. Their lyrics are when he found out that his
Sub today."
Barrigans
incredibly stark, leaving words "Watson, come here, I
What
more
can I say about
nothing to the imagination. need you," were heard by his
this band? They are the most
Poetic elements such as assistant through the first
important
addition to the
imagery and metaphor are telephone.
Bloomsburg
community to
completely ignored.
If anything speaks for this come along in years. They'll
Says leader Billy Bong," Our
band,
their lyrics do, and they take you nowhereq^Isnlji ^that
writing is more, uh, expressive
what you've beep;^aMJBgbfor?
do so with a vegence.
Let's
take
than most bands,
¦man. I mean, ¦ ¦
¦
¦ ¦¦
¦
¦
¦
^
¦¦
¦
¦
i
we just dp it, that's all. No a look at some of their songs*
Personal
faffiC^^;.
¦
¦
¦AU '• .• J. .. . il -lJllllL ,'
matter how it turns out, you each one a punk rock master„
'.
Congratulations on
know? It's like ... verbal piece. One song, entitled
diarrhea, man... fast, fluid, and "Masochistic Baby", speaks
your new {ob J.J.
the truth about being a newborn
hot as hell."
and the slobbering selfLike their music, the in- indulgence of infancy is
Elizabethan Madrigals
dividual band members are revealed for the first time:
quite unique. The lineup in- "Alright baby, you got it down,
Girl available for
cludes Billy Bong on lead two months old and your alrady
SIO's ,date party.
vocals, Benny Nothing on bass in the ground, you got on
guitar, Opal Dyke on drums, mothers case, your crying did
For more info
^
i* price of * 10 a semester. Call now 9
ft our operators are on duty
tj
|24 Hours 389-3101 |
^"y c^fm
Raphael's Silver Cloud Lounge
"The Little Vinyl Place"
This week's special - A Breaded Salsbury
Steak , shake and bake topped with a provocative sauce of Velveta and Half-and-half.
Smothered In Campbell's Tomato soup.
call Mrs. Bochicchio
Happy Birthday
Jerry Eyes & ears
Merry Christmas and
Happy New Year
Campus Voice Staf f
Congratulations
Craig you finally
made it I
Neanderthals beat
Kj r C"%M ?wjb
^ ~ sj MJ £M> m ~ o •>C# £P §,*§
by SMALL CHANGE
The Men's tennis team lost
their most recent match, to
Neanderthal College, by the
embarrassing score of 500 to
nothing. The powerful Neanderthal team killed three
members, and seriously
wounded four others.
In the first, match, Bloomsburg's Sidney Barstools, swept
the first two sets, only to be
wipedout when he was hit in the
head by*oneuof j us opponent's
serves. Neanderthal's teamwas
found using^rp$s.for balls.
Bloomsburg's lVcoach pressed
formal charges on Neanderthal's team , but soon
retracted them. Neanderthal's
coach, in a show of good will, let
him go and sacrificed a fatted
calf to the god's instead.
The next two matches found
Bloomsburg with first one, then
two less members on the team.
Red Roughnsore was fatally
wounded when he was struck by
his opponent's racket, following
Red's first point. The next
casualty was Ben Dover, who
was eaten by his opponent
between sets.
Adam Balm and Sal E.
Mander both forfeited their
matches due to burns received
when the team's bus was burnt.
Both were trapped inside but
were able to escape before the
bus exploded.
The fifth match found
Neanderthal's best player
against
Bloom's
John
Barleycorn. As you can
imagine, John Barleycorn must
die.
The final match also ended
before the first serve. Jose
Canyousee, Bloom's exchange
student from Mexico, had his
hand broken when he shook
hands with his opponent at the
start of the match.
Memorial services will be
held this Sunday for the victims
of the match. Better luck next
time, guys!!
by FUTURE SHOCK
It's only two and a half weeks
away now, and the Bloomsburg
football team , still on an
emotional high after last week's
thrashing of Texas, are setting
their sights on the January 2
Rose Bowl meeting with
Michigan.
Although most newspapers
around the country say that the
Wolverines are playing the
Washington Huskies, we all
know that it's our Huskies that
will be in the grandaddy of all
bowl games.
When asked what the game
plan is for the Huskies, coach
Ron Puhl put it bluntly, "Well, I
don't know. But any team that
throttled such a squad as Texas
should have a lot going for
them. I believe now that we
have the exact mixture of
running, passing,and defense to
come but on top in Pasedena."
Ail-American running back
Mike Morucci and quarterback
Joe Perotti will be the meii on
the spot for Bloomsburg. If they
can mix up the plays just right,
it could mess up the Michigan
defensive tacts. On defense,
such standouts as Doug Pfautz,
Lou Sanutti, and Chris Betterly
will be keying on the high
powered Wolverine offense.
Now, you may ask, how did a
team such as Bloomsburg get
picked to play in the Rose Bowl.
Well, it started with a mistake
in the medical laboratories at
the University of Pittsburgh.
Some how or other, a Pitt med
student developed a virus that
infected half of the school. With
football
players
j Matt
Cavanaugh, Elliott Walker, and
others incapable of playing, the
Penn State game was cancelled.
Well , Penn State needed
another game ( most likely
another win) in order to get into
the fight for the national
championship. With Oklahoma,
Texas, Alabama, and Arkansas
unavailable, the Nittany Lions
sent out bids, open to anyone,
for a season ending game.
Bloomsburg Athletic Director
Cecil Turbervjjl e immediately
jumpedat the chance of playing
Penn State, and the game was
scheduled. The rest is history.
Morucci gained 350 yards, Tom
Brennan caught ten passes for
654 yards, the defense held the
Lion offense of Chuck Fusina,
Tom Fitskee, and Jimmy Cefalo
to a mere 2 yards total offense,
as the Huskies twisted the
Lion's tails, 139-6.
orange set of threads.
The outspoken, colorful ,
flamboyant grappler , last
season 's top Husky wrestler ,
had his usual controversial
answer to the question, why the
move? Capelli said, "I wanted
to."
Husky (6' 2", 210 pounds)
coach Rogur Sanders was not
pleased
with the move. But, he
WANTED: Mus
MHKHHt ^tKtttUtt^KI ^KtttatKKttKWHHKtttMttHttKKKa^^
has a trick up his sleeve. "We
Wanted: One stone
were looking in the records in
the admissions office, and we
noticed that Floyd "Shorty"
Hitchcock flunked one of his
bourses. Well, now he has to go
back to school to get his diploma
back, and that would make him
eligible for this season's matches."
"I don't understand it," said
Hitchcock, a one time national
champion, "I never took that
course, coaching wrestling. "
SPORTSMAN OF THE YEAR...Huskies number 35 was named sportsman of the year
for his unusual defensive moves and tactics.
BSG aims for Rose Bowl
f
the deal. "I talked to ( Michigan
Top-ranked Texas just
coach Bo) Schembechler. He
happened to be off the next
was
a little hesitant, but he
week, so Turberville shrugged
off the critics and scheduled the finally gave in. I'm sure it will
be a fine experience for our
Husky - Longhorn encounter.
The Cotton Bowl crowd was boys."
Well, in two and a half weeks,
stunned when Bloomsburg
the Cinderella story will come to
lineman Walt Savitts lowered
an
end. No matter what the
the boom and knocked Heisman
outcome,
Trophy winner "Soup" Campv the 4-5 team that
rocketed
itself
to national fame
bell unconscious on the first
in two weeks will never be
play of the game. With Camr>
, , : k ./
forgotten.
bell out, it was a piece of cake
for the Pennsylvania team,
rolling to a convincing 49-0
triumph. This time reserve
back Tony Williams and
fullba ck Frank Yanik combined
for 248 yards, and Dan McCallum and 'Ed. Bugno. scored
twice each.
By mere chance, the entire P
;,J
by BIKE ME ATTY
Washington football team ^C The Bloomsburg basketball
J"
game
scheduled its winter break trip ^r team won another
ori»
to Hawaii over the New Year's
Saturday , as the Huskies, with a 3
holiday. With no competition for ^C
^ record of . 2-3\ knocked off ^
one ranked Kentucky:^
the Rose Bowl game, Michigan
^
number Al
announced the challenge for ^ 110-34.
Williams had 48 y L
any team. Turberville again ^
TVpoints
r fj
went to work, and finally made
* Another J
< game >
f
Grappler switches color
by FUTURE SHOCK
In these days of athletes
moving from team to team, it
was to no one's surprise when
Bloomsburg; wrestler Andy
Capelli , ., switched uniforms
earlier.;tbjs w&ek, as he traded
his maroon ^ndjgoi^luniform for
a DanyMle^ t.State, green and
or
"i^H^y-
*
be an outside dog.
Call
BSC.
qmummmmmmmmmammmm —t—mmmmmmmi,
Services required.
Professional dartist
needed weekly.
Campus Voice KUB
Experienced writers I
! Fringe benefits;
chance for promotion.
Campus Voice KUB
Recycle New.pcper ,
all colored glass'
Curbslde last Saturday
of the month.
Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
¦
ip*** .***** *^
New p layers added;
Coach 'a happy man '
FUTURE SHOCK
HAWAII — Bloomsburg
baseball coach Clark Boler
returned from the recent
baseball meetings a happy
Have we got a trip for you! Tired of spending
Spring Brea k at home? or work with absolutely no relaxation? Come with us to
Outer Mongolia
sign up at the Care Union Info Desk. Cost is
$
oniy 825f°.
i
T
Price inlcudes meals (mongolian style) travel
(mongolian style) and acco modations (mongolian style). Get out of a Rut ! Come to*Mongolia , (mongolian sty le)...
__^^„_„__— ,
1
,
¦
won 5
•
- .¦
.
.
ajew players
manvj asj i^aj ded
^
to the Husky roster.
The six year coach from
Alabama ignored all, budget
restructions
and
signed
superstar Lyman Bostok to a
four-year scholarship in
physical education. The former
Twin outfielder said "I always
wanted to go to college."
To bolster the pitching staff ,,
Boler promptly traded Bruce
Wilson to the Houston Astros for
vetera n Joquin Andujar, third
baseman Enos Cabell, and a
Curvemaster pitching machine.
Wilson was unavailable for
comment.
,
With the addition of Bostock,
Boler probably will put him in
center field , and- moving Tom
Fulton to right. This probably
will put last season's right
fielder Scott Vercoe in the
designated hitter role,
ffilo ohi^
'
Hag
an
s ^JI
I
I Hollerings !
3
' 'WT
T1
No- 26 ¦'- '¦*
•
?¦¦ ¦ .4¦B^terlr'gB gf Looney StudSifs Tn#»
g
New classes added to
spri ng master schedule
by PUFFLEY THE MAGIC
DRAGON
Once again students have
made out their class schedules
before the Registrar completed
the list of classes. Although
Schedules are made out for next
'semester, these courses will be
offered in case anyone needs to
add a course or finish their
G en er a 1
Educa tion
requirements. If the courses are
successful, they will be offered
again in thefall . All courses will
count towards the General
Education requirement.
Physical Education: The
Physical Education department
has added the following courses: Beginning Nose - picking
for novices only, Wind-breaking
I and II, Fencing II (a follow-up
of fencing I in which students
will have .the opportunity to
build their own picket fences ,)
and , for those who hate
swimming classes , Dry
swimming, in which students
will practice swimming strokes
in the gymnasium and thusly
have a fun time.
Humanities: This department
now includes : Beginning
Swahili, Literature for Imbeciles, Mongoloid Art , Music
for the Hard of Hearing, and
History of : the Norwegian
Aardvark.
Social Sciences: New classes
include: Sociology and the
Insane, Psychology for the Sexcrazed ( required of all journalism students) , and The
Cultural
Evolution
of
Professors.
Natura l Sciences : This
section has ho new classes.
However, the Biology Department has added a follow-up of
Human , Sexuality, called,
Necrophilia for fun and profit. A
lab session at the morgue is a
Concerts slated
by MOUTH RAPALOT
It is now time for someone to defend that much maligned committee, BSCC. No folks, despite an article somewhere else in this
paper it doesn't stand for Bringing Stiff Corpses Committee. We
are a diligent bunch of student activists, who try as we may just
can 't seem to please the av erage tasteless college student. Subsequently, the committee has now scheduled the following groups
for next semester:
1. Lynyrd Skynyrd (they re going cheap this year)
2. Elton John Hunsinger
¦ ¦' . " ¦
3. Smooch
4. Fleetswood Cadillac
5. SuperWhore
6. Billy A. Hole (the piano repair man )
7 . The Dead Boys - ---—
8. Jimmy Mack and the Red Tapes
Well from this line-up of talent you can plainly see that next
semester should prove to be even more culturally stifling then ever
before . And to all those people who have complained about the
location and cost of concerts, our.new policy is, all concerts will be
held in the 7th floor bathroom at Elwell, complete with different
prices for sink , urinal , and toilet seats.
What 's in a name?
by PUFFLEY
THE MAGIC DRAGON
Many institutions on campus
rely on Acronyms. You know,
the condensation of many words
into one by using all the first
initials. Well, the Campus Voice
has found out - through investigative reporting - that we
have all been fooled. Those
acronyms mean more than we
thought they did. :
For instance , we always
thought that CGA was ComGovernment
m u n i ty
Association. WRONG 1 That
innocent group is really the Call
Girls Association.
\. Interested? Rea d on and find
out just what BSC is all about!,
Here is the entire com-
pilation : CAS-Crafty As Sin,
CCAA) Communist Council on
Acronym Awareness, ASPA - A
Small Pitiful Alumnae , A
PSCUF A Powerful Society for
Constipated Uganda n Fellows,
CEC - society founded by Marie
Antoinette ( Come Eat Cake),
BSCC - Bring Stiff Corpses
Committee, and , of course,
NORML
- | National
Organization for the Reform of
Marine Lovers. ¦ j
Of course, some acronyms
were to complex for us to figure
out (such as QHHELL). But one
was so vile, so awful 1, so
disgusting, and so ludicrous
that we leave it up to the
readers to figure out. It is BSC.
pre-requisite.
Also, the Business Department has added the course How to Cheat on Your Income
Tax Eorms and Get Away With
It.
Once again, BSC has added
courses designed to enliven and
round out the student' s
knowledge.
r:
BSC gets sniper
-*
SMALL CHANGE
CGAheldoneof their gajia affairs the other day (as if you really
care), and several peachy ideas were kicked around.
The Vets club officially petitioned CGA for a sniper and a SWAT
team. The proposal has a dual purpose; to help the club in their
"Don't forget, hire the vet" drive, and town-collegerelations. The
sniper would be chosen from the club's membership, and on an
undisclosed date, would take a position up in Carver's tower, and
begin to fire xipon townsfolk and students alike. The SWAT team,
also members of the club, wouldthen bedispatched, and eventually
'capture or kill the sniper.
,
TheVets club representative, 61Joe, felt that this Would not only
bring Bloomsburg national attention, but more importantly, bring
the town and college together under a blanket of fear that afterward would solidify relations.
i ,j ,^
^ fr an
outside
The concert committee, BSCC, offered to schedule
concert in conjunction with the Vets club proposal. Specific dates
CGA is
can't be given at this time, but after their next meeting,
r
"*
"
[r .
expected to reach their final decision.
t,
The newly formed Necrophilia Club asked CGA for funding to
send their members to the National "Get Stiff With a Stiff convention to be held in Washington's Arlington National Cemetery.
CGA decided to match the clubs funds that will be raised in their
"cold flesh" fund drive.
CGA treasurer, Jerry "Cash" Eisenhart then that CGA use the
remainder of the year s funds to send himself an d the rest of CGA to
the Bahamas to study how funds can be spent by students on the
island, and how long the funds can last. The motion was quickly
passed by all members present.
Mr. Bill Hess then informed CGA that it was closing time, and the
meeting was adj ourned.
New housing accomadations
found all-over BSC campus
by SMALL CHANGE
and
Eileenyweeny_ . _ _rCi«LLYBEANY_
On campus housing, ts an
outrage! Triples, field mice,
silverfish, ( and we aren't even
allowed to own goldfish). Why,
it is an outrage.
We at the Campus Voice have
found an answer. We have found
alternate living accomadations
on campus. There are 112 in
Elwell alone! Why should we be
forced off campus in the prime
of our lives?
These startling new accomadations provide private
baths, hot and cold running
water as the season wills, the
ultimate in privacy, and
notepaper is provided daily.
These are single occupancy, but
residents can count on 24 hours
visitation.
Following are the statistics
and other vital information
pertaining to On-Campus
Housing. The information was
compiled by the diligent Small
Change and equally unimportant Eileenyweenychillybeany .
Number of Number of
Building
The residence hall malefemale assignments are up to
the disgression of the housing
office. ( Note: Some of the
figures are rough estimates.)
Since this housing has just
been discovered, they will be
open only to probies, but come
Fall of '78 they shouldbe open to
~n
The housing office , we
believe, has kept these suites
under raps too long! Five
hundred and sixty odcL off
campus residents need, not be
off campus, if only for the
stinginess of the housing office.
WATERGATE !
Dear Washington Post...
No. of
No. of Male
Female
Residences Residences
Carver Hall
2
2
6
KUB
6
8
8
Old Science
Bakeless
12
21
Hartline
16
16
4
Library
4
4
in
Sutliff
Commons
5
5
Nelson
Fieldhouse
14
20
Navy Hall
9
9
Ben Franklin
9
9
Haas
5 • ,
8
Centennial
4
4
Elwell
112
Montour
65
Schuylkill
65
Northumberland 30
Luzerne
56
'
,
109
Columbia
Lycoming
40
GRAND TOTAL: 564!!!
# THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME...Sn6o*e editor Puff ley
the Magic Dragon chocks out ono of tho now on-campus .
rooms. The rooms are designed for single-occupancy,
have running water , land appear to be very cozy. If you
are required to move off ca'mpus, are tripled, or sick of
your roommate , why not chock Into one of these cozy
rooms? (Photo by a camera , dummy I)
Apologies to C.C. Moore
WELL , I FINALLY DID IT...ana I'll be home as soon as I
finish taking my finals I" said this proud BSC graduate.
Let's hope they can't recall the diplomas.
(Photo by Sae Cheeze)
KampusKwizzz..
?
1.) The Gadfly is
horsefly
to
the
cousin
a.) Third
fly
b.) A wayward fire
c.) An oversexed tse-tse fly
d.) Just a bunch of shit
2.) The Resident Advisor
system shouUfbe....?
a.) Abolished
b.) Run out of town
c.) Converted into the metric
system
d.) Taken out of Ben Franklin
2.) The penalty for rape on the
BSC campus will be....
a.) Immediate enlistment into
the Bloomsburg Police Force
b.) Child support
c.) Twenty lashes
d.) Twenty laps
4.) The 19 year old drinking age
will....
a.) Make it tougher for town
cops . .
b.) Increase the AA membership
c.) Increase the consumption of
Thunderbird in Philly
d.) Increase plop-plqpfizz-fizz
5.) Student off-campus housing
should be owned by?
a.) Math y department
b.) riou^irig department
c.) Sahlitatip^department
, ¦
¦¦ ¦
d.) Mafia ^.:;\:£» ; '* ::. '
6.) What is the newest concoction by the Commons Crew?
a.) Egg McCormick
Fried
b.) Colonel Sarris
Chicken
c.) Norton's Frozen Pies
d.) Uncle Abell's Perverted
Rice
7.) The slogan for the Campus
Cash is?
a.) Pass your Cash
b.) Pass your Gas
c.) Pass the Buck
d.) Pass out
8.) Our CGA president is?
a.) A high school sophomore in
love for the first time <
i.
b.) A nerd
c.) Corrupt
j
d.) Jose Surdovale
9.) Tuition in the spring will be?
a.) Too much for even a winner
of the Howard Hughes Will
b.) Won't be payed off by 1980
c.) Will be as costly as a
women's intuition
d.) "Won 't be enuf , " says
Harrisburg.
10.) Bloomsburg's housing
situation is...?
a.) Ridiculous
b.) On-campus
c.) Off-campus
d.) Off the wall
by AL SUKOM AHOOSOWITZ
and
THE GREAT NABU
'Twas the night before
Christmas, when all through the
halls
Not a student was stirring,
within their four walls.
The decorations were hung -in
the hallways with care
In hopes that Saint Nicholas
soon would be there.
The students were nestled all
snug in their beds,
While visions of finals week
danced in their heads.
And McCormick in his nightshirt, and Griff is in his cap
Had both settled down for a long
winter's nap,
When out on the campus there
arose such a clatter,
They sprang from their beds to
see what was the matter.
Away to the window James flew
like a flash,
Tore open the shutter and threw
up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the
new fallen snow
Gave a lustre of midday to the
campus below.
But, what did his wondering
eyes happen to see,
But a miniature sleigh and one
giant Hus-ky,
The little old driver and all of
his elves,
Arrived at the chiming of
Carver Hall's bells.
I knew in a moment without
even a pause, .
That it had to be the man they
call Santa Claus.
Pulling the Husky the elves
cursed as they came,
Santa whistled and shouted and
called them by name:
"Now, Nardi! Now, Hagan!
Now, Duncan and Surdoval !
On, Neupher! On, Zyla! On,
Norton and Abell !
To the entrance of Elwell, to the
doors of Columbia!
Now push and pull! The whole
damn bunch of ya!"
Dropping their beer cans as
they hurried along,
Santa and his elves were merry
with song,
So up to the president's house
Santa Claus gurgled
As the president watched so his
house wouldn't be burgled.
When James looked out the
window he saw in the yard
Eight little creatures and one
giant tard.
As James made his way across
the living room floor,
Santa fell from his sleigh and
banged his head on the door.
As he entered the house and
slammed the door shut,
James thought that this man
was some kind of nut.
The giant pack that he dragged
on the ground,.
Looked like a garbage bag that
he had found.
His eyes were all bloodshot, his
nose like a cherry,
His cheeks were all rosey and
boy was he merry!
The drool from his mouth stuck
in his beard,
And I could hear all the elves
outside as they jeered.
The stump of a pipe he held
tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his
head like a wreath.
Sins of the
academic world
by WILLI AM N.M. BAKER
today i wouldlike to speakon the sins of the academic world.
i wish to give a few purely hypothetical examples of sure measure
student correctional methodology.
mr. fred botherly instructs in the english department of a well know
obscure state school of higher intrest. his students, which number
near the 130 mark, began to get restless and agitated toward the
end of the semester due to the fact that they felt the class time
wasn't adequately covered and they were ill prepared for the final
exam .
he notified the department chairperson of this "uprising - potencial " and was quickly assigned a late exam date, the last day, the
last period, botherly was overwhelmed with the joy only derived
from inflicting severe agony on those who you really have no
feelings for. the students were dismayed and abandonedall hope of
getting a reasonable achievement ratio,
and that my friends is how the system worked in this instance,
there are several modifications of this theory, one uses the term paper - morale - depressor, this tactic is announced at the beginning of the semester but is never truely covered until the week
before finals and two days before the due date, don't forget the spell
the professor 's name wrong failure method, professors tend to
change their names in the ending weeks of the semester to insure
no one to get the name correct, hence, one can avoid correcting the
paper when the professor is an unknown, this is one of the
dasterliest deeds known to academic slavery , truely, the student
should be aware of his professors motives so as to judge who,
where, how and to what extent the professor will attackhim.
yft lr^fr^^fc : C'^t^FROM KAY-T£U....rs
ILLVIS..VA
Merry Chrlitmas and
fJJF
K»
JHr
Jf
j Ej
r
^
M
r
Hoppy Holiday*
to all of you
Jp
from all of us I
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Crsatura Editor
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Ebanaiar Grits
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Hagan's Hollerings
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Exicuflni Editor .
BuljnaWMiliar
Circulation Managor
Snooxa Editors
From all of the beer he drank he|
had a pot belly
That shook when he laughed
like a bowl full of jelly.
He was clumsy and plump a
right jolly old elf,
And James laughed when he
saw him in spite of himself.
A wink of his eye and a twist 'of
his head
Soon gave James to know he
had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word but went
straight to his work ,
And filled all the stockings;
then turned with a jerk ,
And laying his finger on the side
of his cheek ,
He walked out of the door and
said something in Greek.
He sprang to his sleigh, to his
team gave a whistle,
And away they all pulled at the
speed of a missle.
But I heard him exclaim as he
drove out of sight,
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL
AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT?
ILO
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Shorts Editor
Future Shock
III
Pagllatallan
,
Polaroid Paoplo.... Small Chang*
Slim Plcklns
Crappy Editors
Botwoony th* linos Swoonoy
$lck Rltlor
Monoy Grubbars
Advisor
Duko Richard tho Savaga
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Reporter*: Bile* Meatty, Reverend Sole*,,Al Sultomahooiowlri, The Greot Nobu, Mouth Rapolol, Ed (I want to be Ilk* my dad Run)
Hauck, Eric No mo ah, T. Rax Rood, Manure Flushing, Monacham Schlatter, Chrli Preuedham, Ellla Halchod, Small Chang*, Plndy
C*ck, and all lorliof olhor crailoi III
Photographer*! lob McMuflln, Reete Cup, Mono Cod*, Lodger Germain and Thoma* Joflonon.
I T\0»/ /V I I I ^^PVo ", ° ' •/ aV' . ;". \ &|i°£ JU * A
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Dark Room Manager! Palm Reader
Cartoon)*tt Dexter'e Brother
(X UJ «¦£• -: ;.y V\:n ••„ oV0"** Am
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Grubber* Itaffi Mark Hauck (Id'* Brother?) Reverend Baker and Hairy Cheat,
Circulated Steffi Poor Marahmallow , Brian Southed and Jo* Itallano.
Hagan'* Hollerlno* ar* located anywhere we lee fit to work I
Hollering* I* governed by »pur of the moment thought* with final reipomablllty for all material with anyon* who wlihe* to
take the blame,
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' Hollering* reierves all right* to chap up itorle* and dlitort any ttory lubmltted. A maximum of on* word I* placed upon all
latter* a,nd we make no exception*. All letter* mutt be ilgned but they probably will be burned In iplle of content or ilgnature,
Name* will never b* withheld nor will they be printed. (Figure that one out I)
NOTBi Th* opinion* voiced In the column* , feature articles, and editorial* are all our own *o If you don't like It, tounh III
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Question submits exciting advent ures
by MENACHEM SCHLACTER
With the coming of the new
semester right down the alley,
Question has submitted the new
listings for their outdoor
programs. There are some
exciting new events to be held
for students, while gaining the
advantage of 'academic credit.
First, and perhaps most
conservative, will be the month
sleep-over in Siberia/ Question
will pay all expenses except car
travel , food, water, and
housing. You and a guest will
have the unique opportunity to
survive the clean, fresh,
commie air and sub-zero
temperature, while earning one
to three credits! Providing you
make it back, Question Will
provide free treatment for
exposure, frostbite, and
malnutrition.
•
If that doesn't appeal to you,
Question also offers you the
chance to run the rapids of the
Colorado
River.
The
prerequisite is that you own
docksidersand a pair of spiked
trackshoes, because when
running on the rocks amidst 40
mph rapids, things get a bit
slippery.
- For you underwater fans,
Question offers a three credit
shark wrestling course. A
takeoff from the motion picture
"Namu - the - Killer - Rapist
Shark" you earn an easy "A"
grade by successfully pinning
the shark under 20 ft. of water.
To remove any danger of injury, your mouth is wired shut.
Saving the surprise for last,
Question has unveiled the
newest addition to its Spring
program - Wooly Mammoth
to
Hunting.
According
Questions director Steve
Berserk, there are still believed
to be a few prehistoric Mammoths left roaming somewhere
in the backwoods of Israel.
You and a partner ! (six
credits) will join the hunt (in
progress for 6,000 years) armed
with WWII phasers and communicators. The only mandatory rule is that the furry
fella be taken alive, so phasers
must be set on stun;
Hopefully you have taken an
interest in this continuing
outdoor program and will keep
a lookout for sign up times and
dates. No promises, but a
glimpse of the Winter schedule
highlights include Unicorn
hunting, Inter continental
Balloon travel, and Tubing on
the Mojave Desert.
Putlk rock band
siurfaces on BSC campus
LOVE NOTHING, THIS MEANS BUSINESS...One of BSC $
male tennis players seems a bit down-trodden over the
match with Neanderthal College. See the back page for
the recent coverage of the match.
(Photo by the camera , again 1)
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So, fellow students, another semester has reached it's long
awaited conclusion. Finals are closing in, and so is Christmas
(shop early and often I). Grades , if you haven't thought about
them now , it's a bit tool late, the handwriting is on the wall (For a
good time call Rachel...). But why worry, all the high school dropouts got all the fobs months ago, anyhow.
Well, I've got the answerI There is a future for you in the U.S.
• Government I Yes , there are positions opening up right now that
pay thousands of dollars a year to their employees I
Just think, You too could bo one of the people that makes
those country shaking decisions. And all it takes is a few months
a year , that's all I If you are interested In this and other big-pay
government jobs all you must do is send in your Energy Plan to:
James Schlesinger, Energy Secretary
co/The Capitol Building
Washington, DC 20037
The drawing for the GRAND PRIZE, a full time government job,
Including fringe benefits, will be held on January 20, 1978. All
entries must be received on or before December 31, 1977.
Don't hesitate , this may be the big break you've been waiting
fori Send in your Energy Plan today Ml
¦
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J} Act Now and Save ! !
U Attention BSC Students ! Here's a jj
|! Christmas gift you can give to all of tj
jfl
5J your family and friends.
$|! The Campus Voice at $10 «I
R a semester. Yes , your friends and i
S family can enjoy this Journalistic jj
|3 Masterp iece at the new low-low I
UP
'
Bt •! -«% ,
'
by T. REX REED
and David "Berkowitz" Warp perturb her, so-she left you fait
I have seen the future of rock
on guitar. Their stage act is and naked to smother in your
and roll and its name is "Billy
nothing short of astounding. I Gerbers." If nothing else, it's
Bong and Dead On Arrival".
caught them at a recent real. .
• 'Bring McCormick Home For
PA's
Bloomsburg
This band is
engagement at the Hotel Magee
addition to punk rock, the new
in downtown Bloomsburg. The Lunch" is a daring, outright
wave that is sweeping the
Magee is an up and coming political attack on our college
world, tearing up and throwing punk rock club reminiscent of
president. "Hey, hey Brian
past
and
the
out both the
New York's CBGB's. In their Sarris, I got a recipe for. youv
present, and offering nothing as short fifteen minute set they Your commons food don't cut it
an alternative. And it's about poured Mr. Bubbles all over the so here's something hew,
Hijack McCormick and run him
time too. Punk Rock is a audience, set fire to Warp's
through your sheer, add some
refreshing change from the guitar, hung silver lamay
all
elements of life today (i.e. love,
athletic supporters from their bread and mayo and we'll
have a turkey sandwich.'- It's a
sharing, honor, happiness, ears, stabbed a picture of Amy
hope, aspiration, Burger King Carter and then doused it with blistering-attack, one that could
Whoppers, etc.). It replaces beer, rode a live donkey across probably ruin McCormicks
:
these tired themes with a void
the stage and then cut off its career if it ever hit the airas wide as it is deep, and in- tail, overturned three fishbowls waves.
Perhaps the song that puts
troduces limbo as an alter- and laughed while the fish
native to heaven. Yes, it is in- hopped up and .down on the this band into perspective the
deed about time, and now we floor, ate three jars of peanut best is one written by Bong
B.S.C. students can be proud butter, became legally ordained entitled, "Doomsburg Slate
that we have a band that will
ministers, tripped three tray Collage". The title, a cleverly
lead us into that void, and help bearing waitresses, took turns concealed play on words, gives
us become the non-entities that
blowing each others noses, and us a hint to the song's content,
we were meant to be.
danced around in Indian namely, a defiant description of
life at B S.C. "Well teacher
"Billy Bong And Death On costumes while Bong, on his
see's me, "You got an E on your
Arrival" is one dynamite band. knees, screamed the word
"radish" into the microphone exam," he whines, so I turn to
Their approach to music is
him and tell him to stich it
incredibly free form and over and over again for ten full
where the sun never shines, the
spontaneous since they haven't minutes. It was an incredably
coed's they are nervous 'cos the
relevant performance, one that
let the technical elements of
boys won't keep away, We're
made me seriously think about
music (i.e. learning how to play
goin out tonight to have a panty
their insturments) bog them my life, my direction, and
raid, and the Campus Voice is
down. None of them have any myself . I'm certain that the
yelling
'Apathy's in town', me, I
musical training or experience emotions that flowed through
say let's burn Huskeyville to the
whatsoever, refusing to even me as I watched these young
ground, and we lost McDonalds
tune their instruments for fear artists on the stage were easily
that it might hamper their as strong as those experienced basketball french fries — 'we
was robbed I hear them say', so
creative, open-ended style of by Alexander Graham Bell
intead I'll go get torpedoed by a
composing. Their lyrics are when he found out that his
Sub today."
Barrigans
incredibly stark, leaving words "Watson, come here, I
What
more
can I say about
nothing to the imagination. need you," were heard by his
this band? They are the most
Poetic elements such as assistant through the first
important
addition to the
imagery and metaphor are telephone.
Bloomsburg
community to
completely ignored.
If anything speaks for this come along in years. They'll
Says leader Billy Bong," Our
band,
their lyrics do, and they take you nowhereq^Isnlji ^that
writing is more, uh, expressive
what you've beep;^aMJBgbfor?
do so with a vegence.
Let's
take
than most bands,
¦man. I mean, ¦ ¦
¦
¦ ¦¦
¦
¦
¦
^
¦¦
¦
¦
i
we just dp it, that's all. No a look at some of their songs*
Personal
faffiC^^;.
¦
¦
¦AU '• .• J. .. . il -lJllllL ,'
matter how it turns out, you each one a punk rock master„
'.
Congratulations on
know? It's like ... verbal piece. One song, entitled
diarrhea, man... fast, fluid, and "Masochistic Baby", speaks
your new {ob J.J.
the truth about being a newborn
hot as hell."
and the slobbering selfLike their music, the in- indulgence of infancy is
Elizabethan Madrigals
dividual band members are revealed for the first time:
quite unique. The lineup in- "Alright baby, you got it down,
Girl available for
cludes Billy Bong on lead two months old and your alrady
SIO's ,date party.
vocals, Benny Nothing on bass in the ground, you got on
guitar, Opal Dyke on drums, mothers case, your crying did
For more info
^
i* price of * 10 a semester. Call now 9
ft our operators are on duty
tj
|24 Hours 389-3101 |
^"y c^fm
Raphael's Silver Cloud Lounge
"The Little Vinyl Place"
This week's special - A Breaded Salsbury
Steak , shake and bake topped with a provocative sauce of Velveta and Half-and-half.
Smothered In Campbell's Tomato soup.
call Mrs. Bochicchio
Happy Birthday
Jerry Eyes & ears
Merry Christmas and
Happy New Year
Campus Voice Staf f
Congratulations
Craig you finally
made it I
Neanderthals beat
Kj r C"%M ?wjb
^ ~ sj MJ £M> m ~ o •>C# £P §,*§
by SMALL CHANGE
The Men's tennis team lost
their most recent match, to
Neanderthal College, by the
embarrassing score of 500 to
nothing. The powerful Neanderthal team killed three
members, and seriously
wounded four others.
In the first, match, Bloomsburg's Sidney Barstools, swept
the first two sets, only to be
wipedout when he was hit in the
head by*oneuof j us opponent's
serves. Neanderthal's teamwas
found using^rp$s.for balls.
Bloomsburg's lVcoach pressed
formal charges on Neanderthal's team , but soon
retracted them. Neanderthal's
coach, in a show of good will, let
him go and sacrificed a fatted
calf to the god's instead.
The next two matches found
Bloomsburg with first one, then
two less members on the team.
Red Roughnsore was fatally
wounded when he was struck by
his opponent's racket, following
Red's first point. The next
casualty was Ben Dover, who
was eaten by his opponent
between sets.
Adam Balm and Sal E.
Mander both forfeited their
matches due to burns received
when the team's bus was burnt.
Both were trapped inside but
were able to escape before the
bus exploded.
The fifth match found
Neanderthal's best player
against
Bloom's
John
Barleycorn. As you can
imagine, John Barleycorn must
die.
The final match also ended
before the first serve. Jose
Canyousee, Bloom's exchange
student from Mexico, had his
hand broken when he shook
hands with his opponent at the
start of the match.
Memorial services will be
held this Sunday for the victims
of the match. Better luck next
time, guys!!
by FUTURE SHOCK
It's only two and a half weeks
away now, and the Bloomsburg
football team , still on an
emotional high after last week's
thrashing of Texas, are setting
their sights on the January 2
Rose Bowl meeting with
Michigan.
Although most newspapers
around the country say that the
Wolverines are playing the
Washington Huskies, we all
know that it's our Huskies that
will be in the grandaddy of all
bowl games.
When asked what the game
plan is for the Huskies, coach
Ron Puhl put it bluntly, "Well, I
don't know. But any team that
throttled such a squad as Texas
should have a lot going for
them. I believe now that we
have the exact mixture of
running, passing,and defense to
come but on top in Pasedena."
Ail-American running back
Mike Morucci and quarterback
Joe Perotti will be the meii on
the spot for Bloomsburg. If they
can mix up the plays just right,
it could mess up the Michigan
defensive tacts. On defense,
such standouts as Doug Pfautz,
Lou Sanutti, and Chris Betterly
will be keying on the high
powered Wolverine offense.
Now, you may ask, how did a
team such as Bloomsburg get
picked to play in the Rose Bowl.
Well, it started with a mistake
in the medical laboratories at
the University of Pittsburgh.
Some how or other, a Pitt med
student developed a virus that
infected half of the school. With
football
players
j Matt
Cavanaugh, Elliott Walker, and
others incapable of playing, the
Penn State game was cancelled.
Well , Penn State needed
another game ( most likely
another win) in order to get into
the fight for the national
championship. With Oklahoma,
Texas, Alabama, and Arkansas
unavailable, the Nittany Lions
sent out bids, open to anyone,
for a season ending game.
Bloomsburg Athletic Director
Cecil Turbervjjl e immediately
jumpedat the chance of playing
Penn State, and the game was
scheduled. The rest is history.
Morucci gained 350 yards, Tom
Brennan caught ten passes for
654 yards, the defense held the
Lion offense of Chuck Fusina,
Tom Fitskee, and Jimmy Cefalo
to a mere 2 yards total offense,
as the Huskies twisted the
Lion's tails, 139-6.
orange set of threads.
The outspoken, colorful ,
flamboyant grappler , last
season 's top Husky wrestler ,
had his usual controversial
answer to the question, why the
move? Capelli said, "I wanted
to."
Husky (6' 2", 210 pounds)
coach Rogur Sanders was not
pleased
with the move. But, he
WANTED: Mus
MHKHHt ^tKtttUtt^KI ^KtttatKKttKWHHKtttMttHttKKKa^^
has a trick up his sleeve. "We
Wanted: One stone
were looking in the records in
the admissions office, and we
noticed that Floyd "Shorty"
Hitchcock flunked one of his
bourses. Well, now he has to go
back to school to get his diploma
back, and that would make him
eligible for this season's matches."
"I don't understand it," said
Hitchcock, a one time national
champion, "I never took that
course, coaching wrestling. "
SPORTSMAN OF THE YEAR...Huskies number 35 was named sportsman of the year
for his unusual defensive moves and tactics.
BSG aims for Rose Bowl
f
the deal. "I talked to ( Michigan
Top-ranked Texas just
coach Bo) Schembechler. He
happened to be off the next
was
a little hesitant, but he
week, so Turberville shrugged
off the critics and scheduled the finally gave in. I'm sure it will
be a fine experience for our
Husky - Longhorn encounter.
The Cotton Bowl crowd was boys."
Well, in two and a half weeks,
stunned when Bloomsburg
the Cinderella story will come to
lineman Walt Savitts lowered
an
end. No matter what the
the boom and knocked Heisman
outcome,
Trophy winner "Soup" Campv the 4-5 team that
rocketed
itself
to national fame
bell unconscious on the first
in two weeks will never be
play of the game. With Camr>
, , : k ./
forgotten.
bell out, it was a piece of cake
for the Pennsylvania team,
rolling to a convincing 49-0
triumph. This time reserve
back Tony Williams and
fullba ck Frank Yanik combined
for 248 yards, and Dan McCallum and 'Ed. Bugno. scored
twice each.
By mere chance, the entire P
;,J
by BIKE ME ATTY
Washington football team ^C The Bloomsburg basketball
J"
game
scheduled its winter break trip ^r team won another
ori»
to Hawaii over the New Year's
Saturday , as the Huskies, with a 3
holiday. With no competition for ^C
^ record of . 2-3\ knocked off ^
one ranked Kentucky:^
the Rose Bowl game, Michigan
^
number Al
announced the challenge for ^ 110-34.
Williams had 48 y L
any team. Turberville again ^
TVpoints
r fj
went to work, and finally made
* Another J
< game >
f
Grappler switches color
by FUTURE SHOCK
In these days of athletes
moving from team to team, it
was to no one's surprise when
Bloomsburg; wrestler Andy
Capelli , ., switched uniforms
earlier.;tbjs w&ek, as he traded
his maroon ^ndjgoi^luniform for
a DanyMle^ t.State, green and
or
"i^H^y-
*
be an outside dog.
Call
BSC.
qmummmmmmmmmammmm —t—mmmmmmmi,
Services required.
Professional dartist
needed weekly.
Campus Voice KUB
Experienced writers I
! Fringe benefits;
chance for promotion.
Campus Voice KUB
Recycle New.pcper ,
all colored glass'
Curbslde last Saturday
of the month.
Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
¦
ip*** .***** *^
New p layers added;
Coach 'a happy man '
FUTURE SHOCK
HAWAII — Bloomsburg
baseball coach Clark Boler
returned from the recent
baseball meetings a happy
Have we got a trip for you! Tired of spending
Spring Brea k at home? or work with absolutely no relaxation? Come with us to
Outer Mongolia
sign up at the Care Union Info Desk. Cost is
$
oniy 825f°.
i
T
Price inlcudes meals (mongolian style) travel
(mongolian style) and acco modations (mongolian style). Get out of a Rut ! Come to*Mongolia , (mongolian sty le)...
__^^„_„__— ,
1
,
¦
won 5
•
- .¦
.
.
ajew players
manvj asj i^aj ded
^
to the Husky roster.
The six year coach from
Alabama ignored all, budget
restructions
and
signed
superstar Lyman Bostok to a
four-year scholarship in
physical education. The former
Twin outfielder said "I always
wanted to go to college."
To bolster the pitching staff ,,
Boler promptly traded Bruce
Wilson to the Houston Astros for
vetera n Joquin Andujar, third
baseman Enos Cabell, and a
Curvemaster pitching machine.
Wilson was unavailable for
comment.
,
With the addition of Bostock,
Boler probably will put him in
center field , and- moving Tom
Fulton to right. This probably
will put last season's right
fielder Scott Vercoe in the
designated hitter role,
Media of