WM^ ffilo ohi^ ' Hag an s ^JI I I Hollerings ! 3 ' 'WT T1 No- 26 ¦'- '¦* • ?¦¦ ¦ .4¦B^terlr'gB gf Looney StudSifs Tn#» g New classes added to spri ng master schedule by PUFFLEY THE MAGIC DRAGON Once again students have made out their class schedules before the Registrar completed the list of classes. Although Schedules are made out for next 'semester, these courses will be offered in case anyone needs to add a course or finish their G en er a 1 Educa tion requirements. If the courses are successful, they will be offered again in thefall . All courses will count towards the General Education requirement. Physical Education: The Physical Education department has added the following courses: Beginning Nose - picking for novices only, Wind-breaking I and II, Fencing II (a follow-up of fencing I in which students will have .the opportunity to build their own picket fences ,) and , for those who hate swimming classes , Dry swimming, in which students will practice swimming strokes in the gymnasium and thusly have a fun time. Humanities: This department now includes : Beginning Swahili, Literature for Imbeciles, Mongoloid Art , Music for the Hard of Hearing, and History of : the Norwegian Aardvark. Social Sciences: New classes include: Sociology and the Insane, Psychology for the Sexcrazed ( required of all journalism students) , and The Cultural Evolution of Professors. Natura l Sciences : This section has ho new classes. However, the Biology Department has added a follow-up of Human , Sexuality, called, Necrophilia for fun and profit. A lab session at the morgue is a Concerts slated by MOUTH RAPALOT It is now time for someone to defend that much maligned committee, BSCC. No folks, despite an article somewhere else in this paper it doesn't stand for Bringing Stiff Corpses Committee. We are a diligent bunch of student activists, who try as we may just can 't seem to please the av erage tasteless college student. Subsequently, the committee has now scheduled the following groups for next semester: 1. Lynyrd Skynyrd (they re going cheap this year) 2. Elton John Hunsinger ¦ ¦' . " ¦ 3. Smooch 4. Fleetswood Cadillac 5. SuperWhore 6. Billy A. Hole (the piano repair man ) 7 . The Dead Boys - ---— 8. Jimmy Mack and the Red Tapes Well from this line-up of talent you can plainly see that next semester should prove to be even more culturally stifling then ever before . And to all those people who have complained about the location and cost of concerts, our.new policy is, all concerts will be held in the 7th floor bathroom at Elwell, complete with different prices for sink , urinal , and toilet seats. What 's in a name? by PUFFLEY THE MAGIC DRAGON Many institutions on campus rely on Acronyms. You know, the condensation of many words into one by using all the first initials. Well, the Campus Voice has found out - through investigative reporting - that we have all been fooled. Those acronyms mean more than we thought they did. : For instance , we always thought that CGA was ComGovernment m u n i ty Association. WRONG 1 That innocent group is really the Call Girls Association. \. Interested? Rea d on and find out just what BSC is all about!, Here is the entire com- pilation : CAS-Crafty As Sin, CCAA) Communist Council on Acronym Awareness, ASPA - A Small Pitiful Alumnae , A PSCUF A Powerful Society for Constipated Uganda n Fellows, CEC - society founded by Marie Antoinette ( Come Eat Cake), BSCC - Bring Stiff Corpses Committee, and , of course, NORML - | National Organization for the Reform of Marine Lovers. ¦ j Of course, some acronyms were to complex for us to figure out (such as QHHELL). But one was so vile, so awful 1, so disgusting, and so ludicrous that we leave it up to the readers to figure out. It is BSC. pre-requisite. Also, the Business Department has added the course How to Cheat on Your Income Tax Eorms and Get Away With It. Once again, BSC has added courses designed to enliven and round out the student' s knowledge. r: BSC gets sniper -* SMALL CHANGE CGAheldoneof their gajia affairs the other day (as if you really care), and several peachy ideas were kicked around. The Vets club officially petitioned CGA for a sniper and a SWAT team. The proposal has a dual purpose; to help the club in their "Don't forget, hire the vet" drive, and town-collegerelations. The sniper would be chosen from the club's membership, and on an undisclosed date, would take a position up in Carver's tower, and begin to fire xipon townsfolk and students alike. The SWAT team, also members of the club, wouldthen bedispatched, and eventually 'capture or kill the sniper. , TheVets club representative, 61Joe, felt that this Would not only bring Bloomsburg national attention, but more importantly, bring the town and college together under a blanket of fear that afterward would solidify relations. i ,j ,^ ^ fr an outside The concert committee, BSCC, offered to schedule concert in conjunction with the Vets club proposal. Specific dates CGA is can't be given at this time, but after their next meeting, r "* " [r . expected to reach their final decision. t, The newly formed Necrophilia Club asked CGA for funding to send their members to the National "Get Stiff With a Stiff convention to be held in Washington's Arlington National Cemetery. CGA decided to match the clubs funds that will be raised in their "cold flesh" fund drive. CGA treasurer, Jerry "Cash" Eisenhart then that CGA use the remainder of the year s funds to send himself an d the rest of CGA to the Bahamas to study how funds can be spent by students on the island, and how long the funds can last. The motion was quickly passed by all members present. Mr. Bill Hess then informed CGA that it was closing time, and the meeting was adj ourned. New housing accomadations found all-over BSC campus by SMALL CHANGE and Eileenyweeny_ . _ _rCi«LLYBEANY_ On campus housing, ts an outrage! Triples, field mice, silverfish, ( and we aren't even allowed to own goldfish). Why, it is an outrage. We at the Campus Voice have found an answer. We have found alternate living accomadations on campus. There are 112 in Elwell alone! Why should we be forced off campus in the prime of our lives? These startling new accomadations provide private baths, hot and cold running water as the season wills, the ultimate in privacy, and notepaper is provided daily. These are single occupancy, but residents can count on 24 hours visitation. Following are the statistics and other vital information pertaining to On-Campus Housing. The information was compiled by the diligent Small Change and equally unimportant Eileenyweenychillybeany . Number of Number of Building The residence hall malefemale assignments are up to the disgression of the housing office. ( Note: Some of the figures are rough estimates.) Since this housing has just been discovered, they will be open only to probies, but come Fall of '78 they shouldbe open to ~n The housing office , we believe, has kept these suites under raps too long! Five hundred and sixty odcL off campus residents need, not be off campus, if only for the stinginess of the housing office. WATERGATE ! Dear Washington Post... No. of No. of Male Female Residences Residences Carver Hall 2 2 6 KUB 6 8 8 Old Science Bakeless 12 21 Hartline 16 16 4 Library 4 4 in Sutliff Commons 5 5 Nelson Fieldhouse 14 20 Navy Hall 9 9 Ben Franklin 9 9 Haas 5 • , 8 Centennial 4 4 Elwell 112 Montour 65 Schuylkill 65 Northumberland 30 Luzerne 56 ' , 109 Columbia Lycoming 40 GRAND TOTAL: 564!!! # THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME...Sn6o*e editor Puff ley the Magic Dragon chocks out ono of tho now on-campus . rooms. The rooms are designed for single-occupancy, have running water , land appear to be very cozy. If you are required to move off ca'mpus, are tripled, or sick of your roommate , why not chock Into one of these cozy rooms? (Photo by a camera , dummy I) Apologies to C.C. Moore WELL , I FINALLY DID IT...ana I'll be home as soon as I finish taking my finals I" said this proud BSC graduate. Let's hope they can't recall the diplomas. (Photo by Sae Cheeze) KampusKwizzz.. ? 1.) The Gadfly is horsefly to the cousin a.) Third fly b.) A wayward fire c.) An oversexed tse-tse fly d.) Just a bunch of shit 2.) The Resident Advisor system shouUfbe....? a.) Abolished b.) Run out of town c.) Converted into the metric system d.) Taken out of Ben Franklin 2.) The penalty for rape on the BSC campus will be.... a.) Immediate enlistment into the Bloomsburg Police Force b.) Child support c.) Twenty lashes d.) Twenty laps 4.) The 19 year old drinking age will.... a.) Make it tougher for town cops . . b.) Increase the AA membership c.) Increase the consumption of Thunderbird in Philly d.) Increase plop-plqpfizz-fizz 5.) Student off-campus housing should be owned by? a.) Math y department b.) riou^irig department c.) Sahlitatip^department , ¦ ¦¦ ¦ d.) Mafia ^.:;\:£» ; '* ::. ' 6.) What is the newest concoction by the Commons Crew? a.) Egg McCormick Fried b.) Colonel Sarris Chicken c.) Norton's Frozen Pies d.) Uncle Abell's Perverted Rice 7.) The slogan for the Campus Cash is? a.) Pass your Cash b.) Pass your Gas c.) Pass the Buck d.) Pass out 8.) Our CGA president is? a.) A high school sophomore in love for the first time < i. b.) A nerd c.) Corrupt j d.) Jose Surdovale 9.) Tuition in the spring will be? a.) Too much for even a winner of the Howard Hughes Will b.) Won't be payed off by 1980 c.) Will be as costly as a women's intuition d.) "Won 't be enuf , " says Harrisburg. 10.) Bloomsburg's housing situation is...? a.) Ridiculous b.) On-campus c.) Off-campus d.) Off the wall by AL SUKOM AHOOSOWITZ and THE GREAT NABU 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the halls Not a student was stirring, within their four walls. The decorations were hung -in the hallways with care In hopes that Saint Nicholas soon would be there. The students were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of finals week danced in their heads. And McCormick in his nightshirt, and Griff is in his cap Had both settled down for a long winter's nap, When out on the campus there arose such a clatter, They sprang from their beds to see what was the matter. Away to the window James flew like a flash, Tore open the shutter and threw up the sash. The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow Gave a lustre of midday to the campus below. But, what did his wondering eyes happen to see, But a miniature sleigh and one giant Hus-ky, The little old driver and all of his elves, Arrived at the chiming of Carver Hall's bells. I knew in a moment without even a pause, . That it had to be the man they call Santa Claus. Pulling the Husky the elves cursed as they came, Santa whistled and shouted and called them by name: "Now, Nardi! Now, Hagan! Now, Duncan and Surdoval ! On, Neupher! On, Zyla! On, Norton and Abell ! To the entrance of Elwell, to the doors of Columbia! Now push and pull! The whole damn bunch of ya!" Dropping their beer cans as they hurried along, Santa and his elves were merry with song, So up to the president's house Santa Claus gurgled As the president watched so his house wouldn't be burgled. When James looked out the window he saw in the yard Eight little creatures and one giant tard. As James made his way across the living room floor, Santa fell from his sleigh and banged his head on the door. As he entered the house and slammed the door shut, James thought that this man was some kind of nut. The giant pack that he dragged on the ground,. Looked like a garbage bag that he had found. His eyes were all bloodshot, his nose like a cherry, His cheeks were all rosey and boy was he merry! The drool from his mouth stuck in his beard, And I could hear all the elves outside as they jeered. The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath. Sins of the academic world by WILLI AM N.M. BAKER today i wouldlike to speakon the sins of the academic world. i wish to give a few purely hypothetical examples of sure measure student correctional methodology. mr. fred botherly instructs in the english department of a well know obscure state school of higher intrest. his students, which number near the 130 mark, began to get restless and agitated toward the end of the semester due to the fact that they felt the class time wasn't adequately covered and they were ill prepared for the final exam . he notified the department chairperson of this "uprising - potencial " and was quickly assigned a late exam date, the last day, the last period, botherly was overwhelmed with the joy only derived from inflicting severe agony on those who you really have no feelings for. the students were dismayed and abandonedall hope of getting a reasonable achievement ratio, and that my friends is how the system worked in this instance, there are several modifications of this theory, one uses the term paper - morale - depressor, this tactic is announced at the beginning of the semester but is never truely covered until the week before finals and two days before the due date, don't forget the spell the professor 's name wrong failure method, professors tend to change their names in the ending weeks of the semester to insure no one to get the name correct, hence, one can avoid correcting the paper when the professor is an unknown, this is one of the dasterliest deeds known to academic slavery , truely, the student should be aware of his professors motives so as to judge who, where, how and to what extent the professor will attackhim. yft lr^fr^^fc : C'^t^FROM KAY-T£U....rs ILLVIS..VA Merry Chrlitmas and fJJF K» JHr Jf j Ej r ^ M r Hoppy Holiday* to all of you Jp from all of us I *| r 90 $•• you In January... Crsatura Editor Barbaric Pagan Ebanaiar Grits Fallx ths Cat Batsy Ross , PuHUy tha Magic Dragon Elloonywoonychlllybsony itS... IUA/IS 1 I I IS DEAP tittoi...$OT THAT foGsrt'T FOU. KEAU I ee Auotie. . jruVis " "... xos-r AS WEAL A»»D 6F AIR AS EOeR... BUM Hirt... dP...A»lp HAVE" A fori fnrie (CAREFUL -potior MAKG IUM TOO FAT") MEAM vbo HMe TO err * •S* .Mf ^ ¦ " Hagan's Hollerings ' Exicuflni Editor . BuljnaWMiliar Circulation Managor Snooxa Editors From all of the beer he drank he| had a pot belly That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly. He was clumsy and plump a right jolly old elf, And James laughed when he saw him in spite of himself. A wink of his eye and a twist 'of his head Soon gave James to know he had nothing to dread. He spoke not a word but went straight to his work , And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk , And laying his finger on the side of his cheek , He walked out of the door and said something in Greek. He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, And away they all pulled at the speed of a missle. But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight, MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT? ILO 4VV df *5fc Shorts Editor Future Shock III Pagllatallan , Polaroid Paoplo.... Small Chang* Slim Plcklns Crappy Editors Botwoony th* linos Swoonoy $lck Rltlor Monoy Grubbars Advisor Duko Richard tho Savaga jP r" v!ck 4i / I A AI E BU>W TUWIS UC AS ^°° ^J=S^eBe^BWB^eH *k. **wJryiT "fo J* Sf^^^B^f l^Ht *" — Ti'v,s aw>»M-i 4H-Mp f$*Uei#\iJfME^W— \.^ ^ v Rot i^ ",s ^ ^ J^(^ C^^ ^%JS A Reporter*: Bile* Meatty, Reverend Sole*,,Al Sultomahooiowlri, The Greot Nobu, Mouth Rapolol, Ed (I want to be Ilk* my dad Run) Hauck, Eric No mo ah, T. Rax Rood, Manure Flushing, Monacham Schlatter, Chrli Preuedham, Ellla Halchod, Small Chang*, Plndy C*ck, and all lorliof olhor crailoi III Photographer*! lob McMuflln, Reete Cup, Mono Cod*, Lodger Germain and Thoma* Joflonon. I T\0»/ /V I I I ^^PVo ", ° ' •/ aV' . ;". \ &|i°£ JU * A PK V Dark Room Manager! Palm Reader Cartoon)*tt Dexter'e Brother (X UJ «¦£• -: ;.y V\:n ••„ oV0"** Am \ Grubber* Itaffi Mark Hauck (Id'* Brother?) Reverend Baker and Hairy Cheat, Circulated Steffi Poor Marahmallow , Brian Southed and Jo* Itallano. Hagan'* Hollerlno* ar* located anywhere we lee fit to work I Hollering* I* governed by »pur of the moment thought* with final reipomablllty for all material with anyon* who wlihe* to take the blame, , ¦ ' Hollering* reierves all right* to chap up itorle* and dlitort any ttory lubmltted. A maximum of on* word I* placed upon all latter* a,nd we make no exception*. All letter* mutt be ilgned but they probably will be burned In iplle of content or ilgnature, Name* will never b* withheld nor will they be printed. (Figure that one out I) NOTBi Th* opinion* voiced In the column* , feature articles, and editorial* are all our own *o If you don't like It, tounh III . . . ~i ii | | I .. ' ^ 1 WMT VOOR I UAJ I S TO lAir Bj|BMtSS05 I :E:;=;r- ^ ; -^j^?*^^ SrArmtW fbR ' KCW HS To COMKJ — : ^ ..;.•- . — .,.. ~——— I —MM MM— i — ^ „, '— ' . i Question submits exciting advent ures by MENACHEM SCHLACTER With the coming of the new semester right down the alley, Question has submitted the new listings for their outdoor programs. There are some exciting new events to be held for students, while gaining the advantage of 'academic credit. First, and perhaps most conservative, will be the month sleep-over in Siberia/ Question will pay all expenses except car travel , food, water, and housing. You and a guest will have the unique opportunity to survive the clean, fresh, commie air and sub-zero temperature, while earning one to three credits! Providing you make it back, Question Will provide free treatment for exposure, frostbite, and malnutrition. • If that doesn't appeal to you, Question also offers you the chance to run the rapids of the Colorado River. The prerequisite is that you own docksidersand a pair of spiked trackshoes, because when running on the rocks amidst 40 mph rapids, things get a bit slippery. - For you underwater fans, Question offers a three credit shark wrestling course. A takeoff from the motion picture "Namu - the - Killer - Rapist Shark" you earn an easy "A" grade by successfully pinning the shark under 20 ft. of water. To remove any danger of injury, your mouth is wired shut. Saving the surprise for last, Question has unveiled the newest addition to its Spring program - Wooly Mammoth to Hunting. According Questions director Steve Berserk, there are still believed to be a few prehistoric Mammoths left roaming somewhere in the backwoods of Israel. You and a partner ! (six credits) will join the hunt (in progress for 6,000 years) armed with WWII phasers and communicators. The only mandatory rule is that the furry fella be taken alive, so phasers must be set on stun; Hopefully you have taken an interest in this continuing outdoor program and will keep a lookout for sign up times and dates. No promises, but a glimpse of the Winter schedule highlights include Unicorn hunting, Inter continental Balloon travel, and Tubing on the Mojave Desert. Putlk rock band siurfaces on BSC campus LOVE NOTHING, THIS MEANS BUSINESS...One of BSC $ male tennis players seems a bit down-trodden over the match with Neanderthal College. See the back page for the recent coverage of the match. (Photo by the camera , again 1) V / [ L y I I \ / I V / I I V / I \ I [ So, fellow students, another semester has reached it's long awaited conclusion. Finals are closing in, and so is Christmas (shop early and often I). Grades , if you haven't thought about them now , it's a bit tool late, the handwriting is on the wall (For a good time call Rachel...). But why worry, all the high school dropouts got all the fobs months ago, anyhow. Well, I've got the answerI There is a future for you in the U.S. • Government I Yes , there are positions opening up right now that pay thousands of dollars a year to their employees I Just think, You too could bo one of the people that makes those country shaking decisions. And all it takes is a few months a year , that's all I If you are interested In this and other big-pay government jobs all you must do is send in your Energy Plan to: James Schlesinger, Energy Secretary co/The Capitol Building Washington, DC 20037 The drawing for the GRAND PRIZE, a full time government job, Including fringe benefits, will be held on January 20, 1978. All entries must be received on or before December 31, 1977. Don't hesitate , this may be the big break you've been waiting fori Send in your Energy Plan today Ml ¦ ¦ \ I / \ I / \ 1 I v Y I / \ I / \ 1 J v V ¦ J} Act Now and Save ! ! U Attention BSC Students ! Here's a jj |! Christmas gift you can give to all of tj jfl 5J your family and friends. $|! The Campus Voice at $10 «I R a semester. Yes , your friends and i S family can enjoy this Journalistic jj |3 Masterp iece at the new low-low I UP ' Bt •! -«% , ' by T. REX REED and David "Berkowitz" Warp perturb her, so-she left you fait I have seen the future of rock on guitar. Their stage act is and naked to smother in your and roll and its name is "Billy nothing short of astounding. I Gerbers." If nothing else, it's Bong and Dead On Arrival". caught them at a recent real. . • 'Bring McCormick Home For PA's Bloomsburg This band is engagement at the Hotel Magee addition to punk rock, the new in downtown Bloomsburg. The Lunch" is a daring, outright wave that is sweeping the Magee is an up and coming political attack on our college world, tearing up and throwing punk rock club reminiscent of president. "Hey, hey Brian past and the out both the New York's CBGB's. In their Sarris, I got a recipe for. youv present, and offering nothing as short fifteen minute set they Your commons food don't cut it an alternative. And it's about poured Mr. Bubbles all over the so here's something hew, Hijack McCormick and run him time too. Punk Rock is a audience, set fire to Warp's through your sheer, add some refreshing change from the guitar, hung silver lamay all elements of life today (i.e. love, athletic supporters from their bread and mayo and we'll have a turkey sandwich.'- It's a sharing, honor, happiness, ears, stabbed a picture of Amy hope, aspiration, Burger King Carter and then doused it with blistering-attack, one that could Whoppers, etc.). It replaces beer, rode a live donkey across probably ruin McCormicks : these tired themes with a void the stage and then cut off its career if it ever hit the airas wide as it is deep, and in- tail, overturned three fishbowls waves. Perhaps the song that puts troduces limbo as an alter- and laughed while the fish native to heaven. Yes, it is in- hopped up and .down on the this band into perspective the deed about time, and now we floor, ate three jars of peanut best is one written by Bong B.S.C. students can be proud butter, became legally ordained entitled, "Doomsburg Slate that we have a band that will ministers, tripped three tray Collage". The title, a cleverly lead us into that void, and help bearing waitresses, took turns concealed play on words, gives us become the non-entities that blowing each others noses, and us a hint to the song's content, we were meant to be. danced around in Indian namely, a defiant description of life at B S.C. "Well teacher "Billy Bong And Death On costumes while Bong, on his see's me, "You got an E on your Arrival" is one dynamite band. knees, screamed the word "radish" into the microphone exam," he whines, so I turn to Their approach to music is him and tell him to stich it incredibly free form and over and over again for ten full where the sun never shines, the spontaneous since they haven't minutes. It was an incredably coed's they are nervous 'cos the relevant performance, one that let the technical elements of boys won't keep away, We're made me seriously think about music (i.e. learning how to play goin out tonight to have a panty their insturments) bog them my life, my direction, and raid, and the Campus Voice is down. None of them have any myself . I'm certain that the yelling 'Apathy's in town', me, I musical training or experience emotions that flowed through say let's burn Huskeyville to the whatsoever, refusing to even me as I watched these young ground, and we lost McDonalds tune their instruments for fear artists on the stage were easily that it might hamper their as strong as those experienced basketball french fries — 'we was robbed I hear them say', so creative, open-ended style of by Alexander Graham Bell intead I'll go get torpedoed by a composing. Their lyrics are when he found out that his Sub today." Barrigans incredibly stark, leaving words "Watson, come here, I What more can I say about nothing to the imagination. need you," were heard by his this band? They are the most Poetic elements such as assistant through the first important addition to the imagery and metaphor are telephone. Bloomsburg community to completely ignored. If anything speaks for this come along in years. They'll Says leader Billy Bong," Our band, their lyrics do, and they take you nowhereq^Isnlji ^that writing is more, uh, expressive what you've beep;^aMJBgbfor? do so with a vegence. Let's take than most bands, ¦man. I mean, ¦ ¦ ¦ ¦ ¦¦ ¦ ¦ ¦ ^ ¦¦ ¦ ¦ i we just dp it, that's all. No a look at some of their songs* Personal faffiC^^;. ¦ ¦ ¦AU '• .• J. .. . il -lJllllL ,' matter how it turns out, you each one a punk rock master„ '. Congratulations on know? It's like ... verbal piece. One song, entitled diarrhea, man... fast, fluid, and "Masochistic Baby", speaks your new {ob J.J. the truth about being a newborn hot as hell." and the slobbering selfLike their music, the in- indulgence of infancy is Elizabethan Madrigals dividual band members are revealed for the first time: quite unique. The lineup in- "Alright baby, you got it down, Girl available for cludes Billy Bong on lead two months old and your alrady SIO's ,date party. vocals, Benny Nothing on bass in the ground, you got on guitar, Opal Dyke on drums, mothers case, your crying did For more info ^ i* price of * 10 a semester. Call now 9 ft our operators are on duty tj |24 Hours 389-3101 | ^"y c^fm Raphael's Silver Cloud Lounge "The Little Vinyl Place" This week's special - A Breaded Salsbury Steak , shake and bake topped with a provocative sauce of Velveta and Half-and-half. Smothered In Campbell's Tomato soup. call Mrs. Bochicchio Happy Birthday Jerry Eyes & ears Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Campus Voice Staf f Congratulations Craig you finally made it I Neanderthals beat Kj r C"%M ?wjb ^ ~ sj MJ £M> m ~ o •>C# £P §,*§ by SMALL CHANGE The Men's tennis team lost their most recent match, to Neanderthal College, by the embarrassing score of 500 to nothing. The powerful Neanderthal team killed three members, and seriously wounded four others. In the first, match, Bloomsburg's Sidney Barstools, swept the first two sets, only to be wipedout when he was hit in the head by*oneuof j us opponent's serves. Neanderthal's teamwas found using^rp$s.for balls. Bloomsburg's lVcoach pressed formal charges on Neanderthal's team , but soon retracted them. Neanderthal's coach, in a show of good will, let him go and sacrificed a fatted calf to the god's instead. The next two matches found Bloomsburg with first one, then two less members on the team. Red Roughnsore was fatally wounded when he was struck by his opponent's racket, following Red's first point. The next casualty was Ben Dover, who was eaten by his opponent between sets. Adam Balm and Sal E. Mander both forfeited their matches due to burns received when the team's bus was burnt. Both were trapped inside but were able to escape before the bus exploded. The fifth match found Neanderthal's best player against Bloom's John Barleycorn. As you can imagine, John Barleycorn must die. The final match also ended before the first serve. Jose Canyousee, Bloom's exchange student from Mexico, had his hand broken when he shook hands with his opponent at the start of the match. Memorial services will be held this Sunday for the victims of the match. Better luck next time, guys!! by FUTURE SHOCK It's only two and a half weeks away now, and the Bloomsburg football team , still on an emotional high after last week's thrashing of Texas, are setting their sights on the January 2 Rose Bowl meeting with Michigan. Although most newspapers around the country say that the Wolverines are playing the Washington Huskies, we all know that it's our Huskies that will be in the grandaddy of all bowl games. When asked what the game plan is for the Huskies, coach Ron Puhl put it bluntly, "Well, I don't know. But any team that throttled such a squad as Texas should have a lot going for them. I believe now that we have the exact mixture of running, passing,and defense to come but on top in Pasedena." Ail-American running back Mike Morucci and quarterback Joe Perotti will be the meii on the spot for Bloomsburg. If they can mix up the plays just right, it could mess up the Michigan defensive tacts. On defense, such standouts as Doug Pfautz, Lou Sanutti, and Chris Betterly will be keying on the high powered Wolverine offense. Now, you may ask, how did a team such as Bloomsburg get picked to play in the Rose Bowl. Well, it started with a mistake in the medical laboratories at the University of Pittsburgh. Some how or other, a Pitt med student developed a virus that infected half of the school. With football players j Matt Cavanaugh, Elliott Walker, and others incapable of playing, the Penn State game was cancelled. Well , Penn State needed another game ( most likely another win) in order to get into the fight for the national championship. With Oklahoma, Texas, Alabama, and Arkansas unavailable, the Nittany Lions sent out bids, open to anyone, for a season ending game. Bloomsburg Athletic Director Cecil Turbervjjl e immediately jumpedat the chance of playing Penn State, and the game was scheduled. The rest is history. Morucci gained 350 yards, Tom Brennan caught ten passes for 654 yards, the defense held the Lion offense of Chuck Fusina, Tom Fitskee, and Jimmy Cefalo to a mere 2 yards total offense, as the Huskies twisted the Lion's tails, 139-6. orange set of threads. The outspoken, colorful , flamboyant grappler , last season 's top Husky wrestler , had his usual controversial answer to the question, why the move? Capelli said, "I wanted to." Husky (6' 2", 210 pounds) coach Rogur Sanders was not pleased with the move. But, he WANTED: Mus MHKHHt ^tKtttUtt^KI ^KtttatKKttKWHHKtttMttHttKKKa^^ has a trick up his sleeve. "We Wanted: One stone were looking in the records in the admissions office, and we noticed that Floyd "Shorty" Hitchcock flunked one of his bourses. Well, now he has to go back to school to get his diploma back, and that would make him eligible for this season's matches." "I don't understand it," said Hitchcock, a one time national champion, "I never took that course, coaching wrestling. " SPORTSMAN OF THE YEAR...Huskies number 35 was named sportsman of the year for his unusual defensive moves and tactics. BSG aims for Rose Bowl f the deal. "I talked to ( Michigan Top-ranked Texas just coach Bo) Schembechler. He happened to be off the next was a little hesitant, but he week, so Turberville shrugged off the critics and scheduled the finally gave in. I'm sure it will be a fine experience for our Husky - Longhorn encounter. The Cotton Bowl crowd was boys." Well, in two and a half weeks, stunned when Bloomsburg the Cinderella story will come to lineman Walt Savitts lowered an end. No matter what the the boom and knocked Heisman outcome, Trophy winner "Soup" Campv the 4-5 team that rocketed itself to national fame bell unconscious on the first in two weeks will never be play of the game. With Camr> , , : k ./ forgotten. bell out, it was a piece of cake for the Pennsylvania team, rolling to a convincing 49-0 triumph. This time reserve back Tony Williams and fullba ck Frank Yanik combined for 248 yards, and Dan McCallum and 'Ed. Bugno. scored twice each. By mere chance, the entire P ;,J by BIKE ME ATTY Washington football team ^C The Bloomsburg basketball J" game scheduled its winter break trip ^r team won another ori» to Hawaii over the New Year's Saturday , as the Huskies, with a 3 holiday. With no competition for ^C ^ record of . 2-3\ knocked off ^ one ranked Kentucky:^ the Rose Bowl game, Michigan ^ number Al announced the challenge for ^ 110-34. Williams had 48 y L any team. Turberville again ^ TVpoints r fj went to work, and finally made * Another J < game > f Grappler switches color by FUTURE SHOCK In these days of athletes moving from team to team, it was to no one's surprise when Bloomsburg; wrestler Andy Capelli , ., switched uniforms earlier.;tbjs w&ek, as he traded his maroon ^ndjgoi^luniform for a DanyMle^ t.State, green and or "i^H^y- * be an outside dog. Call BSC. qmummmmmmmmmammmm —t—mmmmmmmi, Services required. Professional dartist needed weekly. Campus Voice KUB Experienced writers I ! Fringe benefits; chance for promotion. Campus Voice KUB Recycle New.pcper , all colored glass' Curbslde last Saturday of the month. Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ¦ ip*** .***** *^ New p layers added; Coach 'a happy man ' FUTURE SHOCK HAWAII — Bloomsburg baseball coach Clark Boler returned from the recent baseball meetings a happy Have we got a trip for you! Tired of spending Spring Brea k at home? or work with absolutely no relaxation? Come with us to Outer Mongolia sign up at the Care Union Info Desk. Cost is $ oniy 825f°. i T Price inlcudes meals (mongolian style) travel (mongolian style) and acco modations (mongolian style). Get out of a Rut ! Come to*Mongolia , (mongolian sty le)... __^^„_„__— , 1 , ¦ won 5 • - .¦ . . ajew players manvj asj i^aj ded ^ to the Husky roster. The six year coach from Alabama ignored all, budget restructions and signed superstar Lyman Bostok to a four-year scholarship in physical education. The former Twin outfielder said "I always wanted to go to college." To bolster the pitching staff ,, Boler promptly traded Bruce Wilson to the Houston Astros for vetera n Joquin Andujar, third baseman Enos Cabell, and a Curvemaster pitching machine. Wilson was unavailable for comment. , With the addition of Bostock, Boler probably will put him in center field , and- moving Tom Fulton to right. This probably will put last season's right fielder Scott Vercoe in the designated hitter role,