Litters to the editor...

—TVP>JJiQbr\L A BL^—
Students to enter cosmic classrooms?
By the power invested in me, by the Creator , in His most
infinite wisdom and power , i am making an editorial edict
to the students of this college. This decree will be heeded
and followed to the max.
All students will quit BSNS and join the Student Cosmic
Awareness Movement , thus becoming ascetics. We will
eliminate all forms of college tyranny. To hell with HB 1833,
campus beautification , fraternities and .any other items,
which students might be concerned with.
In order to be cosmically aware we will give away all
of our earthly possessions , take up our begging bowls and
roam the country endlessly in search of absolute truth.
We will not retaliate against those, who might want to assert
any type of repression on us. We will allow people to drive
nails into our heads and set fire to our shorts. Thus, we will
eliminate apathy through non-resistance.
All of this will be possible through that most absolute
and omnipotent being, our Uncle Jim. He will lead us to
nirvana and never ending bliss, which lies in Harrlsburg .
He will be aided by his earthly successor and pupil, Tommy
Mulhern. Unto these, we will offer all of our dedication.
P.S. Good luck Hoot !

Out damned margins
Are you tired of buying reams of notebook paper each
semester? And are you outraged at the high turnover rate of these
expensive notebooks? Do you feel like the butt of one very unfunny joke aimed at claiming all of your hard earned dollars?
Well I so! This gross injustice is being aimed at college students
where it will hurt the most-in the notebook.
I, for one, am tired of giving over nearly half of my note taking
space to a mere margin. When looked at philosophically, what
purpose doesa margin really serve? As far as I have been able to
ascertain , it's only benefit lies in providing doodle, space (certainly a worthwhile pasttime) But that is not what is in question
here. Will we continue to be abused by bid time notebook
manufacturing compan ies or will we assert our inherent rights as
free people and demand back that space that was so unjustly
taken from us.
Give margins back to the notebooks, give notebooks back to the
students and give Irelan d back to the Irish !
Peg O' My Heart Moran
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Anacreonic Society of Bloomsburg State
College Journalists f i r st annual meeting Friday, Dec. 17 at St. O 'Brien 's Last
Chance Cathedral - B YOP (Bring your
own Poltergeist.)

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Adviser
Sir Richard Pauoge
Reporter*
Jack Furnace . Stlnkln' Oarlaf , Stuart SlngUi Bar
Copy lNd«ri
Stiff Smyth* , So Right , Vary forty Tarry Sw»*ny
AdvertisingManager
Crock ad Spllntan
CirculationManager
Ilia E-Clolre Danish
CopyEditor
Koblckle , the tilth laol
Miotofraphy Editor*
Woynar Palm, Al Paclno
Ad Hoc, tha local jock
Sport* Editor
F««tur* Editor
Barbeckrlchogenrot*
Mawa Editor*
III! Foxhole. Diana Aborlglna*
Managing Editor
Peg O' My Haart Moran, lady Montagua von Snlpplngton, III
Jerry Elseneras . th* Pol
fcwln—* Manager
ExecutiveEditor
Dally Myers , the kid, Esq.
C* rto««l»t......,
Stava Pratial
Tha DAILY MVEIS office* ora located on tha tacond floor of tha Kahr Union and our
pawn* number I* unlisted, Tha MYERS I* o lackluster organliatlon having no *at adllorlol
policy, but thay try to maintain thalr reputation ai th* ulnteiience of shoddy collegiate
|o«irttallsm. Editorial decision* ore mode by the coitlng of foti , but no strict formal
I* adheredto,
Th* opinion* voiced In tha DAILY MYERS' column*, editorial* , and feature stories ,
or* usually plag*rl>ed from the N.Y. TIMES.

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Wind breakers sound-off Fri day at 11 a.m. in the English
Seminar Room. Bringyo ur¦ copy

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The Campus Voice deserves the right to p ick and choose
any litters that agree with our op inion. A limit of ten words
will be p laced on all letters because that as highas Kahickie
can count Don 't bother signing your name because we don't
care who writes them.
to declare our feelings about the
album I think Stuart should
Paypoties
man who runs the newspaper.
definitely review it has such

Dear Editor:
I would like to bring up the
somewhat private topic of going
to the bathroom . I think that we
here at BSC should install pay
poties in all dorms. Do you
realize how much time the
average student spends in the
bathrooms? If they had to pay
everytime they entered it would
crowded
on
cut
down
bathrooms.
I do realize that this will
create long lines in dorms if
everyone goes at once. It could
also cause many students to be
uncomfortable if they fail to
cash a check. BUT
I still feel that a tidy sum
would be collected and then
maybe we could build a community swimming pool or an all
night drinking room. The latter
being my choice.
If not, I would be willing to
split the profits with anyone
interested. If you'd like to see
pay toilets installed in the
dorms write me a letter. Send it
to Stall 3, 4th Floor Elwell. I'll
be glad to hear from you.
Yours truly,
Chadwick J. Toilet

Love letter 1

Dear Editor : (you little cutie)
I would like to tell you just
how much I love you. You are
my heart throb.
Each night I dream only of
you . . . your soft blonde hair,
that marvelous body. I can
hardly stand to be without you,
therefore, I sit most of the time.
I am a busy person but I had
to tell you of my feelings.
Charlie's Angels keeps my mind
stirring. That's the only thing
that keeps me from you. If you
coiild find it in your heart to
send me a picture, I would be
overwhelmed .
Everytime I read your paper ,
which is for sale everywhere, I
fall in love with your editorials.
You are the best. I must stop
this, Im becoming emotionally
involved .
So, until our paths cross, I'll
have to blow kisses to you over
national TV. Lee really doesn't
mind. Be good and remember I
love you.
AH my love,
Farrah Fawcett

Music... music
Dear Editor :
I am truly impressed with
your music critic, The only
question I have is, when will he
get into some heavy music?
I will use several cosmic
examples. First to keep with the
season, Alvin and the Chipmunks have a great new single
Santa Claus is coming to town.
(They also do a mean Rudolph
the Rednosed Reindeer). Frosty
the Snowman just released a
new album that has reached
number 5000 on the charts.
Get'em Frosty, He's really hot ,
(Be careful Frosty you'll melt).
Bert and Ernie of Sesame
Street also have several new
albums. The Count Counts is an

Communist tendencies.
Last but not least I think that
Stuart should go dig up Sally
Star and do an interview with
her. A most wonderful thing this
would be. Every kid on campus
would certainly kiss his big toe.
" So there you have my
suggestion. It's a big order to
fill but I' m sure Stu can get
cookin.
Into the Big Time ,
Warped Record

Love letter 2

Dear Editor ;
For months we have been
faithful readers of the Daily.
Myers. In this time we have fast
become acquainted with the
mind and feelings of the editor
of this paper. We feel it is time

Through his words we have
found meaning for bur lives. His
words inspire us to go out and
right all the wrongs of
Bloomsburg State Normal
School . But this is not enough
any longer. We can no longer
live on words alone. WE MUST
HAVE THIS MAN.
Dale, we love and desire you.
We must have you before the .
girls in our dorm throw us out
for using the cold shower all the
time. If our skin gets any more
wrinkled , you won't take us.
Contact us before it's too late,
our dearest Dale. Our hearts
call out for you ! Answer soon.
With panting breath,
Babyclothes
Numptions
Sweetbreath
Main Chick

Campus Voice

The people pape r

What makes up a successful newspaper? Is it the paper it's
printed on? Is it the typewriters that type it? Is it the presses that
press it?
NO! •
Then what is it, you may ask.
Well, I'll tell you.
It's the people, the writers, editors, and staff that produce a
successful newspaper.
So what about the Daily Myers?
Take the editor for example. His name is Dale. He's cute. It is
his job to keep the staff members happy arid working. His job also
entails complete responsibility for all the newspaper says. Undoubtedly, this is a big job. But not too big for Dale. He handles it
with grace and competency . Even wh en he botches it badly, it is
done gracefully. This man called Dale is a true intellectual. He
even keeps an armchair in his office for his part time job as Staff
Armchair Philosopher.
' Now, for Peggy, the Manag ing Editor. The manag ing editor
must be a tough taskmaster, who is responsible for the actual
production of the Daily Myers. She often seems to take the role of
midwife, seeing that all the staff members .deliver . At times,
however, to the staff members, she resembles the slavedriver
aboard a Roman galley.
About the news editors ; there are two. This leads the av erag e
reader to believe that this is a tremendous job. But don't be
fooled. The Daily Myers editorial board is trying to solve the
unemployment situation by using two incompetents rather than
one normal person. The people holding this position are Bill and
Diane. They try their best to do the impossible: find news on the
Bloomsburg campus. Don 't get mad at them, they try.
As for the features editor , Bar b, she is a small, sprightly
character. So is her mind, by the way. It is her duty to oversee all
the features done by the Dally Myers. Being short as she is, this is
a rough job. However, by thegrac eof stilts, the job is done.
The sports of BSC are covered by Ed. If he were only a little
fatter, he migh t be able to cover everything. Since he is on the
skinny side, the reader should not unjustly criticize this great
journalist when he does not see his sport in the paper.
These are the people who make up the Dally Myers.
They are the voice of Bloomsburg State Normal School. '
Too bad they are all mute.
The Dally Myers finan ces are han dled by that whiz-kid business
manager, Jerry. His duties involve balan cing books (usually on
his head) and solicitation for the Dally Myers. He does this
solicitation through the largest fleet of prostitutes ever to grace
Bloomsburg Stat e Normal School.
Vickie is the dear girl whose job it is to try to see how much
room all the copy will take up. Th is job entails counting lines and
then dividing that number by 7.5. With the help of her new
calculator, she has cut down her deviation by 30 per cent . When
she gets that other 70 per cent, her work will be perfect.
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From all of us to all of you 1
Merry Christmas
§
Happy New Yea r too!!!

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THE KAMPUSKW1ZZZZZZZZ
1.) Will Bloomsburg State 5.) Who benefits from the
Normal School ever get an campus beautification project?
overpass?
a.) The squirrels
a.) Maybe during Passover
- b.) The contractors. .
b.) Not until the ambulance c.) The workmen ,
service folds.
d.) The dogs. -. '
c.) Yes, when hell freezes oyer.

2.) What is the name of the new
hall on campus?
a.) Monty Hall
b.) u-haul
c.) Daryl Hall
d.) The hall of Montezuma

6.) Who is going to be the next
sports editor of the Campus
voice?
a.) Pee Wee Reese
b.) Heywood Hale Broun
c.) Peggy Moran (at last)
d.) An East Berlin clam.

3.) What is the result of the
NEW style of coed living in
Montour Hall?
a.) Increase in pregnancy rate.
b.) Less cold showers.
c.) Less cavities.
d.) More penicillin consumption

7.) What will be the next surprise BNE (BSCC) have in store
for concert lovers?
a.) The Eagles
b.) The STeelers
c.) Enrico Caruso
d.) Hunsinger & Surdoval

4.0 How are you getting home
after finals?
b.) In a plastic bag.
c.VFTD
d.) COD
e.) DOA

8.) What is the new fraternity
that is trying to form on campus?
a.) OTR
b.) GAY
c) NBA
d.) FDR

9.) What is BSCC?
a.) A sub-committee of WBSC.
b.) All the above.
c.) Bavarian Side Car Committee.
d.) Bloomsburg State Connell
Corporation.

10.) What do you want in your
Christmas stocking(s)?
a.) Farrah-Spiget Majors
b.) Clean feet,
c.) My two front teeth,
d.) My two back teeth.

11.) Dale Myers i's...
a.) A marshmallow .
b.) Kehr Union janitor ,
c.) Cool
d.) Kosmic.

12.) What is House Bill 1833?
a.) The college electricity bill,
b.) My phone bill ,
c.) My Girl Bill,
d.) Bill Dennis.

i3.) Who runs Bloomsburg State

View from the shore

by STINKIN'OARLOFF
Now that the Devil's Sea is
Overwith , I feel I should clarify
a few things . Despite the fact
that the Bermuda Triangle has
assumed a reputation of
mystery and ill tidings, I do not
feel it is deserving of these
connotations.
The
pseudoscientific claims of
occult authors are totally
without foundation in either fact
or logic.
Anybody who has been
through the area (and that
includes me) , will tell you that
all that disappearance stuff is
just bullshit. I also would like to
say that all that backwards
aging stuff is dumb. I j ust don't
'"WHAT
—
.

K>£S

IT

know how anybody can believe
that people can become younger
and younger.
Especially when the ways
things are supposed to be is just
the exact contradictory...Oh my
gosh ! Look what' s happening
to the typewriter ! It8s geteting
bigger and bigger!! My finhers
cqn hqrdl y reach the keys!!!!
I muxt fin sh th s befor I get
to small too tipe. What i said
befor about backward aging is
not what i think ... (GOO...
GIGGLE ... GEEP) ... is ...
( GLUG)
...
quite ' ...
(MEEBLEEDOOP ) ... what ...
(AARG) ... seems to ... be ... DA
DA MA MA, WAAAAAAH!

"For God's sake, somebody
give that kid a lollipop or
something."

Normal School?
a.) Brian Sarris ' prunes.
b.) Laubach's Distributors.
c.) Sper.
d.) Frank Shorter.

15.) Who is the President of
CGA?
a.) Taummy Mulheam (Uncle
Jim's favorite son)
' ,
b. Cathy Anderson.
;
c.) Millard Fillmore
d.) IBM 2000.

14.) What is the Snack Bar 's
»
hottest item ?
a.) Ed
b.) Hot Tillie.
c.) Cold Turkey Sandwich.
d.) Dale's shorts.

*- Lenny ba by !!!

Diversedirty
deeds done

Here you are. That long
awaited and anticipated
dissertation of those most
imminent and recognized shitty
people. So without further
adieu, the Daily Myers shit list.
Pierce Atwater — For trying to
organize a group known as CAS,
which is. actually a front for
communist subversion. He is
trying to overthrow the BSC
campus by violent means.
HUAC has declared this unsafe.
Don't join, it's a communist
plot.
Steve Arcus — For being a
real cool operator and exceeding even Casper in the fasttalking category. Give us our
money back.
Jose Surdovale — For trying
to take over CGA before the
election in April. Also for voting
in
favor
of
campus
beautification and misleading

Dr. Bryden — For never
being in his office when we're
trying to find out when his
committee meets. This may
lead to.limited coverage and the
extinction of general education .
Jack Mulka (aka HAPPY
Jack ) — For trying to make
leaders out of the incompetent
students, Myers , Atwater ,
Lucrezi, and for having the
audacity to say that the college
has no clear-cut objectives.
Fortunately Jack, we can 't see
any either.

sw' :in 7 :
~-^

council members to believe he
was against it.
Betsey Miller (aka Ms. 3.86)
— For undermining the attempt
to form - the student cosmic
awareness movement and for
placing bugs in the Myers office
in an attempt to expose our
private lives. .
Harry Strine (aka Talkers
Tops...) — For forcing the staff
at gunpoint ~ to run extemporaneous articles on the
forensics team. It's our word
against yours.
Frank Lorafa' s secretaries
( Gloria, Jean and Betty) — For
consistently absconding with
the staff members' lunches and
for going to the banquet with
just Jerry and no one else. We
want our hamburgers back
cause we're all hungry.
Willard Bradley — For being
the only minority student in the
photo forum on racial prejudice
and for recopying. novels and
trying to pass them off as letters
to the editor.

¦

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Barb Fahee-ha-ha-hoho —
For being a constant pain in the
ass.

OH MY GOD mill A bowling boll. What dirty BSC student would daro to bowl down tho slop lino. Wo'ro offering
a reward for catching this porvone culprit.
(Photo by Konnor, It's fun)

Taummy Mulhern •— For
yelling at members of the
faculty evaluation committee
without knowing what the hell
he was talking about. Also for
taking money away from the
International Club. We'd like to
go sightseeing too.
Last , but not least.,.Bob
MacMurray... the axe •— For
creating a major disturbance
by suing the school and for
having the gaul to insinuate that
the school might do something
illegal. If you don't get the
money, Bob, wcUl all get knives
and "follow you around.

FWCSvvhiiewashes old clubs

by AD HOC
A new organization that was
formed on the Bloomsburg
State Normal School campus
this semester is the First World
Cultural Society.
The FWCS, as it is known,

was formed when a group of
White - Anglo-Saxon-Protestant
peoplewere kickedout of a local
rest rooni and razzed to the
point of crying. The head of the
organization, B.D. Papers, was
extremely displeased with this

treatment and to protest this
behavior, he and his fellow
WASP's stood on the front of the
President's lawn boogying to
K.C. and the Sunshine Band.
What-ho! Not only do they
protest malicious treatment of

fellow students, but they also
had a suggestion to the
Bloomsburg Student Concert
Committee that they bring in
such groups as Freddie and the
Dreamers, Strawberry* AlarmClock, The Dave Clark Five and
The Zombies. They guarantee
that these groups will sell-out
almost immediately, if not
sooner.

The First World Cultural
Society has also promised that
they will serve the college well
by participating in such activities as Homecoming (and
probably sweep every possible
event including the skits) plus
have a week that would exploit
cultural events that the WASP's
have participated in during the

course of history ; i.e., the
Crossing of the Delaware, Man
on the Moon , the Emancipation
Proclamation, formation of the
Bull Moose Party, and the
establishment of the John Birch
Society.
The FWCS doesn't plan to
disrupt the stream of things
here at BSNS, but with the way
things have been going they
most certainly will do
something crazy like cry
prejudice when an article about
the track team includes
slighting remarks dealing with
fast white men.
In closing the FWCS plans to
start off the new semester with
a host of activities with reenactment of the riots of Watts,
Newark and Chicago.

All I want for
Christmas is:

PRETTY GOOD, HUH? — The BSNS Hide N Go Seek team is in action here in back of
Carver Hall. Try, just try to find those inconspicuous little devils that make the invisible
man stand out in a crowd.
(Photo by Pierre)

• •

Windbreakers sound
off at BSNS meet

by CRACKED SPLINTERS
In response to increased
student interest, the BSNS
athletic committee is proud to
announce the addition of intercollegiate wind breaking to
the 1977-78 schedule. This
popular art of controlled farting
has drifted from campus to
campus in the past several
months and this cloud of enthusiasm has now settled in the
Susquehanna Valley. Newly
appointed coach, Harry Shrine
indicated that the competition
will consist of four separate
phases, these being creative
farting, impromptu farting,
extemporaneous farting and the
everpopular after-dinner farting. All meets are to be staged
at Nelson Field House and
uniforms are optional. During
the course of competition, artificial methods (i.e. hands on
mouth, hand under arm) may
be used or the contestants may
choose to unleash their own
methane. The new sport has
been greeted with wild approval
throughout the campus and
interested athletes should sound
off now. The BSNS administration has shown their

support of the new program by
adding chili to the menu in the
Care Union.
During tryouts held at Nelson
Field House last week, several
prospective members of the
squad showed fine prowees,
especially in the creative
competition. For instance, Ed
(Edema Eddy) Roundbottom
showed'vivid imagination by
doing a two and a half somersault dive off the ten meter
board while giving a convincing
imitation of Winston Churchhill.
A split second before entering
the water, Roundbottom let fly
a magnificent blast which
ignited the American flag.
Roundbottom capped his
stunning program by lying on
pool bottom blowing bubbles for
five minutes in harmony to a
medley of ' Laurence Welk's
greatest hits. Another display of
strength was shown by Jack
(The Ripper) Windensmear.
Windensmear, who hails from
the Windy City, just blew into
town this weekend to compete in
the tryouts. In a marvelous
display of self-control , he
removed the cork and produced
a marvelous rendition of

Beethoven's Fifth Symphony.
The top performance, however,
was turned in by the lone female
on the squad, Sue (Edge )
Plantz. Ms. Plantz did her
impersonation of Apollo 11 by
blasting ten feet in the air and
remaining suspended for one
and a half hours before coach
Shrine's astounded staff. The
amazing display may result in
delay of the opening match with
the . Bucknell Blasters on September 22, for the heat
generated during liftoff caused
the ceiling tiles to melt.
All matches will be judged by
a panel of ten judges who will
display nose up and nose down
signs. All four events will be
totalled (noses up signs) and the
winner will be determined. For
team honors, the totals of the
top seven farters from each
team will be totalled. In the
case of a tie, a canary will be
allowed to fly into the arena and
the first team to overwhelm the
little devil is proclaimed the
winner. Meets will begin at 8:30
p.m. at Nelson. Get behind your
team how.

at
Eat
Joe's
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"We never close, we seldom doze.
Honest Joe sez, "In your mouth
with a sandwich. "
.

_______...

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Following is a nearly complete list of what we , the staff of the
DAILY MYERS, want for Christmas:
Daily Myers (A marshmallow)-a kill a commie sub machine gun,
and a date with Farrah Fawcett for the Senior class DinnerDance.
'
Ad Hoc-a total ofone yardrushingfprthe'76 football season and a
major (Farrah-Fawcett) . - ' . ' '
Peg O'MY Heart Moran-to graduate and another birthday party.
Jerry Eisenears (the guy with a checkbook)-a hundred shares of
PP&L and Kate Jackson (Farrah's top busy)
Stiff Smythe-Olivia Newton John (I don't care much for Farrah
Fawcett) and a Fonzie doll.
Bill Foxhole-a hat like Daily Myers or Canada
Diane Aboriginee-a car (I can't tell you what I really want) and
my LCB card.
Barbeckrickhagenrote-astep ladder so she can help Bill oversee
the news department next semester and an autographed picture
of Snoopy.
Cracked Splinters-a two seater couch and a portable keg of beer.
Stuart Singles Bar-a do it yourself acupuncturekit and a Merry
Christmas to P.B. & L.
Wayner Palimhis own darkroom and exclusive rights to Elwell's
ground floor bathroom.
Kabickie-a curling iron and her own carpeted bush to sleep under
at town park.
Faheheh Thahoho-alifetime supply of Genny Creme Ale and her
own massage parlor so she can get apid for giving backrubs.
In additionwe, as a staff would like higher wages, lower prices,
to visit East Berlin (Pa.) and yaa oonskar leeten oel! Merry
Christmas.

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—

WITH A MIGHTY BLASTII - Jack the Riper Wlnd-in Smear,
of the Bloomsburg Blaster, shows his prowess by lifting
himself off the ground In the middle of one of the Impromptu
sessions of Intercollegiate Wind Breaking Association.
(Phot© by ftobett)