B. S. T. C. Sco res at
Eastern Teach ers
Colle ges Convent ion
UNESCO Delegate Was
Princi pal Speaker

Dean ' s Hon or Lis t

THE MAN WHO
CAME TO DINNER

The following students have a Quality Point average of 2.5 or better for
the First Semester , 1945-46, and a cumulative average of at least 2.0 while Current Play
to be Presented
in attendance at this College:
by
Bloomsburg
Playe rs
the
1—Na me of Student ; 2—Curriculum ; 3—Address; 4—High School.
FRE SHMEN

Cope Verna G.—Secondary ; 1601 Lincoln Ave., Berwick ; Berwick.
Garard , Louise M.—Elementary; 130 Market St., Lewisburg; Lewisburg.
Lehet, Elizabeth—Business; 34 Kulp St., Wilkes-Barre; (James M. Coughlin , Wilkes-Barre).
Webb, Anita D.—Secondary;" 338 Iron St., Bloomsburg; Bloomsburg.
Wrigh t, E. Anne—Secondary ; 58 E. Fifth St., Bloomsburg; Bloomsburg.

* With Doctor North as the facultymember of the Board of Control for
the State, and Janet Gilbody as the
student member of the Board of Control for the State, Bloomsburg State
SOPHOMO RES
Teachers College has the honor of
officially representing the entire state Baldy , E. Anne—Secondary; 127 S. Third St., Catawissa; Catawissa.
of Pennsylvania in the Eastern States Hathaway, Mar tha—Elementary; 207 Grand St., Danville; Danville.
Association of Professional Schools Rush, Mary E.—Secondary ; 340 Center St., Bloomsburg; Bloomsburg. •
for Teachers. This organization of Winkelblech, Dorothy E.—Elementary ; 1133 Orange St., Berwick ; Ralston.
JUNIORS
seventy-three teacher training colleges in eleven Eastern states held Keiser, Shirley J.—Elementary ; Church St., Dalton; Dalton.
its annual convention in the Hotel Moore , Ellen L.—Secondary ; 227 W. Main St., Bloomsburg; (Washington,
Commodore, New York City, on the
Milwaukee, Wis.)
fourteenth and fifteenth of March, Rhodes, Harriet W.—Business; 414 Jefferson St., Bloomsburg; Bloomsburg.
with BSTC represented by three facSENIORS
ulty and five student delegates.
Bucinell, Araia Barbara—Business; 829 Hudson St., Forest City; Forest City.
The main address was given by Comuntzis, Athamantia—Secondary ; 403 Light St. Rd., Bloomsburg, Bloomsburg.
__
Dr. George N. Shuster, President of
Dickinson,
Doris Jean—Elementary ; LaPlume; Dalton.
Hunter College, New York, and a
member of the Delegation to the Falvey, Eileen L.—Business; 413 E. Front St., Berwick; Berwick.
United Natj ons Conference on Edu- Gabuzda , Bernice R.—Secondary ; 899 Center St., Freeland, Freeland.
cation, Scientific and Cultural Co- Gehman, Isabel A.—Business; 215 N. State St., Ephra ta; Ephrata.
operation at London in November, Guis, Lillian V.—Secondary ; E. Pine St., Sheppton; (E. Union Twp., Shepptbn) .
1945. Dr. Shuster, in a splendid
Kigh
t, Karliss L.—Secondary; 453 E. 3rd St., Bloomsburg; Bloomsburg.
Crosses
speech entitled "Education
McCracken,
Ralph A.—Secondary; 202 Gearhart St., Riverside; Danville.
the
need
for
stressed
Boundaries,"
education in building - world peace. Parsell, A. Althea—Secondary ; Pine St., Orangeville; Orangeville.
He gave as the four long term ob- Schroeder , Mary M.—Business; 252 W. Wilkes-Barre St., Easton ; Easton.
j ectives of UNESCO; the training of Shaffer, Jacqueline—Elementary; 360 Glen Ave., Bloomsburg; Bloomsburg.
SPECIAL
teachers in world-wide thinking, the
Ed.;
1109
Elmira St., Williamsport; Williamsport.
achievement of better international Jacobson, Amy E.—Spec.
relations through exchange of students and teachers, the elimination FORENSIC AND MUSIC
President Andruss ,
of trends in education in all countries LEAGUE TO RESUME
that menace the peace, and the com- THEIR ACTI V ITIES
Addresses Students
mon sharing of scientific cultural inPresident Harvey A. Andruss adformation and materials. He spoke
The Pennsylvania Forensic and
dressed
the students of Susquehanna
of the desolation of educational op- Music League , sponsored by the Exp ortunities in Europe and emphasiz- tension Division of the University of University at a recent dinner meeted the good work that organizations Pittsburgh, will resume its activities ing in Seibert Hall on the subj ect of
like WSSF can do.
this Spring. This will be the six- "Discovering the Business World."
Mi ss Helen Wrigh t of BSTC w as a teenth season for the League and the Job opportunities for veterans and
the possible development of new inspeaker on one of the student panels first program since 1942.
The final State contest will be held dustries and new occupations will be
and had the subj ect "Teacher Education Program for the Atomic Age." April 26 and 27 at Johnstown, Pa. given some attention.
Following the address an open
The most unusual feature of these District eliminations will be held forum
discussion was held at which
yearly Spring conventions is the ex- April 12 and 13 at a location to be time returning
veterans had an opby
Boyer,
District
Rep
John
ceptional amount of student partici- selected
portunity
to
raise
questions in terms
contests
will
be
County
resentative.
pation in presiding at the meetings,
of
their
own
personal
problems. This
Bloomsburg
State
Teachheld
at
the
leading discussions, and participating
type
of
service
to
the
student
recentMarch
30.
Columbia
College
ers
in debates, and many visitors are
ly
returned
from
the
armed
forces
desiring
to
County
schools
particisurprised at the ability and talent
has
been
developed
in
the
European
immediate
contact
pate
should
make
that is demonstrated.
with John C. Koch, County Director, Theatre of Operations, and President
Student Topics were:
Andruss has participated in a series
at the College.
1. The Student in College.
of conferences held on board the Aira. Student Government P r o b craft Carrier U. S. S. "Enterprise " on
Teachers
For
the
Preparing
3.
Sharlems.
the
return trip, from Europe in Deing in Improving of Education.
b. Curricular Needs and Interests.
cember,
1945.
Faculty delegates from BSTC were
c. Stvident Publications.
Doctor North , Dean Kehr, and Dean
d. Extra-curricular Activities.
Koch
. Student delegates were Helen RESUMES WORK AT
2. Teachers and Human UnderstandMay
Wright, Janet Gilbody, Eileen TRAINING SCHOOL
ing.
, John Hmelnicky and Ralph
Falvey
a. Science and Human UnderMcCracken.
The Speech Correction work is bestanding.
The
student
representatives
reportorganized by Miss Johnston at
ing
b. Understanding the Russians.
c. Understanding Race Relation- ed that in their off-time they man- t h e Benjamin Franklin Training
aged to have a lot of fun , to visit the School. During Miss Johnston 's abships.
d. Labor-Management U n d e r - RCA Building and the Natural His- sence from the College, there was no
tory Museum, and to see "Oklahoma " way of continuing her work lor the
standings, \
and "The Voice of the Turtle." They children with minor speech difficulFaculty Topics were:
wish
to express their appreciation to ties.
1. Real Life Appraisal of Teacher
Dean
Kehr and Dean Koch lor their
At present Miss Johnston is workEducation Problems.
planning which contri- ing with 22 pupils. This work is a
thoughtful
a. Trends Toward Making Teach er Education More Functional. buted greatly to the success of the plan to give individual aid to those
children who have trouble forming
b. Future Avenues of Progress and trip .
Joseph Lyons was recently elected letters or words. The children are
Experimentation.
2. Problems in Building a Curricu- i Boy Representative of the Sopho- divided according to their grade or
more class to C. G. A.
to their speech difficulty . 4
ium For -Education of Teachers,
rt

> The comedy, "The Man Who Came
To Dinner," will be presented April
11, 1946 , by the Bloomsburg Players
and directed by Miss Alice Johnston.
The play has been "in the making"
for the past threes weeks.
The following people are members
of the cast: Harry Reitz, Bernice Gabuzda , Ann Williams, Karliss Kight,
George Smith, Harold Swisher, Harry John, Jean Richard, Jerry Demaree, Jack O'Donnell, Robert Mallard , Willi am Miller , Robert Martin ,
Robert Llewellyn, Gloria Mainiero,
and Gladvs Kuster.
The authors, George S. Kaufman
and Moss Hart, are fellow Pennsylvanians who have met witK ^much
success on the Broadway staged The
play has created many minor characters with important parts in. conj unction with the play 's plot. It is a
play of humor which is brought
about by clever lines. The plot itself
is possible but highly improbable.'
The following is quoted from
TIME , October 30, 1939: "In the 'Man
Who Came to Dinner,' George S.
Kaufman and Moss Hart had a smash
hit on their hands. Tale of a famous
lecturer who goes to a dull dinnerparty in an Ohio town, gets hurt, and
has to stay- on. in the: house for weeks,
the play's wit is as gleamingly cutthroat as its antics are gorgeously
custard pie . . . Though no stage
character but Whiteside has ever
made a wheel-chair seem so much
like a guillotine, Kaufman and Hart
have filled their flabbergasted Ohio
living room with more than verbal
slaughter, have turned it also into an
immensely comic beer garden. While
wisecracks pour out of one faucet,
nonsense nours out of another."
A quotation from THEATRE ARTS;
November, 1939 , reads as follows:!^
"And he (the author) can mold ai,
rollicking script like 'The Man Who "
Came To Dinner ' j ust as well as a
sombre play like 'Of Mice and Men,'
and with equal variety . . . The wit
and wisecracks of this scorpiontongued farce are perhaps too insular
for wide consumption, as they certainly are too topical for long survival, but as presented here and now,
'The Man Who Came To Dinner ' has
come to stay."
After several weeks of try-outs,
the cast was selected from a group of
the original contestants. The talented members of this group will strive
to make the play even, more interesting and entertaining than the rendition of the professional stage . Many
of the male members of the cast have
been away from the amateur stage
for a number of years. This opportunity of again performing was met
with much enthusiasm by the students, which will give the play the
added factor necessary for success.
Gladys Kuster, chairman of the
Stage Set Committee, and her assistant , Robert Llewellyn, have designed a stage set which is both clever
and original.

dRaramt nnb (&$lb

Published at*the Bloomsburg State Teachers*College

yX UJy

Associated Cblle6iate Press

*

^

, |^^3

<%

I' S T A F F .
Jean Richard
Editor
-1
^"Editorial Board
_
'
Barbara
McNinch,
Eloise Noble
^,; -^_ . n
_
___
1^L
Helen
Mae Wri ght
Z
J$ri' Business Manager
-.-£_
Peter
, '^i. Sports Editors
Parnell,
James
Scarcella
-W
^"
'
_
_#_
Greenly
Barbara
'
Editor
^Exchange
~ ^W^'^
¦
_
__
'
Broad t
Rosanna
III.
Manager
Circulation
Zimmerman
Albert
Art Editor _>^
;
William Hummel
Fea t ure Wr l§r ___
Livzey, Ralph McCracken,
R eporters—Estelle Friday , Peggy.;Lewj .s, Jane
Arbuta Wagner, Anne Wright|sh^ley Wal ters, Gretchen Troback, Harold Miller, Dawn Eshleman ,' ^oo'ert Martin, Dorothy Kocher, Peggy
Suchy , Zita Spangler, Anne Baldy, James Smith.
Typists—Carolyn Hower, Gladys, Kuster, Martha Jane Sitler, Raymond
' "h Popick, Harold Reinert, Samuel Pleviak, Sara Graham.
jfc|<

Sponsor—S . L. Wilson

individua lity

I

Those Little Gold
Buttons

Persojujl individuality is one of the
basic differences which separate men
Carson Whitesell is another Freshfrom other forms of animal.- The man who likes to ride horseback. He
purpose of education , among other is taking the Elementary course. His
goals, is to intensify this distinction. sport is volleyball , and his home is in
There is something admirable in the
' ' ' character of any man—something Hunlock Creek. "Carse " was a general clerk in the headquarters of the
which is easily spoiled by attempts at Anti-Aircraft Command of the Army
imitating the personality of another. Coast Artillery at Richmond, VirginAlthough one can profit immensely
with the rank of Pfc.
from an earnest observation of his ia,He
spent six months in the station
fellows, he can likewise lose many hospital and liked the nurses so well
of those good characteristics which they had to write a special order to
are essentially his own by attempting get him out. When asked about the
to remodel his character after the campus girls, he said, "It' s love at
pattern of an ideal acquaintance.
The firs t indication tljj gt su'(&i a re- first sight!" What a wolf!
vamping is underFway^j ^usually rePaul Rowlands comes back to
vealed in the reformer's pronunciaBSTC
Commercial studies after three
tion. It is not uncommon in; reality to
years
in
the Air Force as a radar inof.,
group
witness a case wherein a }
structor
and radar bombardier-navadoptedr
roommates have completely
igator
with
the rank of Second Lieutheir
the.manner of expression of
ey 's" home town is
tenant,
"Smil
senior or best liked member.
Plymouth,
and
sport is baseball.
More dangerous than this is the He says that thehisoperation
radar
possibili ty of a similar uniformity in while flying in unfavorable ofweather
reasoning. Any individual who is
"some stuff. " He was discharged
£| able to express himself long 'enough is
in
November. Marital status—Marand loud enough will usually succeed ried.
'xM a indoctrinating a small proportion
¦his colleagues with ^his dogma
?«$:
¦This process of stronjij|pelf-assertione
In order to represent the Navy, we
present
former Signalman Second
is subsequently repeatea , resulting in
G, Tierney, who was a
Class
James
more converts to the irrational opinV-12
at
BSTC.
"Jim" comes from the
ion.
Bronx
and
is
a
Biz-Ed. Sophomore.
There is still another trend which "Jim" was in the
for three
is more fundamentally collegiate. years and overseas Navy
for
19
months
,
This is the trend toward atheism. It coverin g a lot of territory—Africa,
finds its support in the study of biocily , Italy, British Isles, France,
logy and other sciences , and even- Si
Salerno,
and Normandy with
tually it becomes a part of the col- a LCI (L)Anzio,
75.
lege spirit. It is a manifestation of
He says his most interesting event
the will of the student to become was
sighting the "Green Lady " in
more closely identified with his col- New York harbor
from the deck of
leagues in every respect.
the Queen Mary. He is a bachelor,
In the process of completely adapt- and when asked about BSTC girls
ing himself to the trends of his en- said , "Actions speak louder than
vironment, the student is inevitably words."
stripped of all personal distinction.
o—;
He also loses many of the high spirProgressive Chap
*
itual concepts which were bred in
Why do you call your boy friend
him from his childhood. Eventually
cynicism and disillusionment creep in "Pilgrim "?
Because every time he calls he
to take their place—with the result
• Mthat comradeship and education have, makes a little progress.
in the end , profited him nothing.
Uncomfortable
What the student gains from felThe
new
law makes you wait five
lowship should be amusement and
. , s;
you marry .
day
s
before
understanding. He cannot, on the
¦'
. ^;;
all
right.ikf
But
ihat;s
other hand , become too much like his
,
you
Say
would
All
ffghi;?
tip|
companies without spoiling the atgun
a
days?
for
five
like
to
stare
at
C,
A,
P.
traction of fellowship .—

MY F L I G H T O V E R S E A S

The. Vnight was clear and bright climbed to ten thousand feet and
with"vthe stars shining like diamonds made sure we were on the right
We could not afford to miss
in the sky. All around us planes course.
t h e Bri t ish Isles , since an icy grave
were crawling into their appointed would be pur fate.
positions like great dragon flies. Now
The radio operator sat by his
and then a light would blink from equipment listening to the code comtiie control tower. One by one the ing through. He was always alert
planes would answer with a roaring for an emergency signal. I sat down
of engines! and then they were gone, on the radio floor to check my equipheading for England.
ment. Soon the engineer came in to
Our plane was gradually nearing sleep. The plane was loaded with all
the flight line; the pilot ever watch- kinds of equipment, which made our
ful for the light which would send us little space much more uncomforton our way across the cold Atlantic. able. I fell asleep.
The crew, like myself , was tense
I was awakened by a rude shaking.
with anticipation. I looked at the My engineer stood above me pointing
boys and wondered what they were out the window. Standing up I lookthinking. Would we go down in the ed out and there below us lay the
sea? Will our engines carry us isle of the Blarney Stone. It seemed
through ? Questions such as these to be arranged like a patch quilt. We
ran through my mind as well as left Ii-eland far behind us and crossthose of the members of my crew. ed the Irish Sea with its hundreds of
Suddenly the plane shook and we ships marching as though they were
were roaring down the runway. Very soldiers on parade.
soon our wheels lifted. I looked back
In what seemed minutes, Scotland
at Maine where I could see other came into view. We crossed the coast
planes lif ting into the sky. We were and turned slightly north. The navon our way.
igator had made a slight error. Off to
I crawled up front with the bom- our lef t anoth er American bomber
bardier who sat there watching the was approaching f or a landing. We
Atlantic far below us. Now and then climbed into position behind him and
the moon; would send a ailver shaft started to make our dgseent. The
across the wings of our plane. Our wheels hit with a bump and we roilengines throbbed their throaty song ed to a stop. We were in Scotland.
into the cold winter night. The sky Our flight overseas had come to an
was empty of planes, although we end with a total time of sixteen hours
knew some were ahead and still I and thirty-eight minutes.
more were coming behind us. We !
William Vought.

Campus Cliques

i

"B orro we d Banter "

Kappa Delta Pi
He bade the girl good night,
Kappa Delta Pi is an honor society The color left her cheeks;
in education . The purpose of this so- It stayed upon his coat lapel
ciety is to encourage high profession- For six or seven weeks.
al , intellectual and personal stand—The Collegio.
ards and to recognize outstanding
contributions to education.
Flue
This National Society was estabTeacher—How
do you feel today ?
lished in 1909, and now hasofover 130
John—Sick.
Kapp a
chapters. J^e local chapter
Teacher—Flue?
Delta Pi is';"Gamma Beta."
John—No
I walked today.
Meetings are held on this campus
The High Arrow,
two Thursday evenings each month
Indiana
High School.
in the Science Hall Social Rooms.
The officers of the local chapter
I put my faith and trust in you. I
are President, Eileen Falvey ; VicePresident , Mary Shroeder ; Recording thought I could , silly but now I'm
Secretary , Althamantia Comuntzis; I disillusioned. I wish that I might
Corresponding Secretary , Shirley die. I made you my ideal, you see,
Reiser; Treasurer, Kathleen Hess; and so I copied you. I should have
copied some one else, for now I'm
Sponsor , Dr. Maupin.
flunked too.
Pi Omeg a Pi
German Hi-News,
The National Professional Business
Germany High School.
Education Fraternity on the campus
is Pi Omega Pi. The Alpha Delta
Senior—You can be mastoid of
Chapter was installed at Bloomsburg
ceremonies.
,
M ay 28 1935.
Freshie—A mastoid is a pain in the
The aims of the Fraternity are (a)
ear.
To encourage, to promote, extend and
Senior—See what I mean?
create interest and scholarship in
—The Girard News.
commerce, (b) To aid in civic betterment in college, (c) To encourage
and foster high ethical standards in
Did you ever do any public speakbusiness and professional life , (d) ing?
To teach the ideal of service as the
Yes, I once proposed to a girl in
:
.basis of all worthy enterprise.
the country over a party line#-,
V,, " ,
Meetings are held on the second
Friday of the month.
you make these biscuits
The current officers of this Frater- byDick—Did
ourself?
nity are: President, Mary Shroeder;
Louise—Yes, why?
Vice-President, Eileen Falvey; Secshouldn't have. You're
retary, Kay Kurella; Treasurer, • Ann to Dick—'You
delicate
for
such heavy work.
£
Bucinell; Historian, Isabel Gehman
—-Lebanon
High Newsette.
^ pfclt
Sponsor, Mr. Earl Gehriq,
%

-#

¦

1

1

,

I,.—

^..

'

'

Momma , do angels have wings?
Bum Cook
Yes, dear.
Personally, I'd rather make love to
Daddy said my nurse was an angel.
my wif e than eat.
Will she fly?
Is she so beautiful?
Yes, dear, tomorrow.
No,, it's j ust that she 'sju ch a bum
—Duquesne Duke.
*
cook.
f||

BEWARE OF THE APRIL FOOL!

N e w s Ho u n d s
Editor
f||ft6rial Board ___ !
'GlVculation Manager
Business Manager
Exchange Editor
Art Editor
Sports Editors
Feature Writers

Big Cheese Richard
"__ Weasel Noble , Mousie McNinch
Big Wheel Broadt
Moola Wright
Barbara the Swap
%i-T
_'"Rembrandt Zimmerman
Drop-kick Scarcella , Pete the Punter
Dirty-dig Hummel , Grand-slam Baldy

They find fault with the editor , the stuff we print is rot
The paper 's about as peppy as a cemetery lot
¦
Each paper shows poor iirrangement; the jokes , they say are stale;
The upperclassmen holler , the lower classmen rail .
But when the paper 's printed , and each issue is on file ,
If someone missed a copy—you can hear him yell a mile!

APRIL

F O O 'S D A Y

Congratulations! This is your day, , ditional ioo" and the "unsuspecting
you know—at least Webster goes on I|foo" while "Foo Number Four " comes
record by naming it "All Foo's Day." ; along to inform him that his shoe
•¦ string is untied and he too stoops,—
So again , congratulations!
J
In case that word "Foo" concerns not to conquer — but to but ton his
you , it's a pleasure to elucidate it shoe.
So get hep—
here.
Watch your step!
"Foo" is one of the most flexible
Double-check what you do
English
language.
It
words in the
Or your destined to be an
appeai-s in a variety of familiar exApril Foo,
pressions: the descriptive, foo-man 's
Too!
shoe; §hey don't bother me; or the
Foo-Well.
profound nominal statement: There 's'
J. Shaffci
no foo like an old foo! So much for
the foo part.
Forewarned
The part April has a very interesting and enlightening history . The
An employer called his men toword April became attached to the gether to place before them plans for
words "Foo's Day " not because this bettering working conditions.
day is celebrated 011 May, June, July,
"Now, whenever I enter the shop, "
August, September , October , Novem- he said , "I want to see every man
ber , December, January, February 01 cheerfully performing his task, and
March first but on April first!
therefore I invite you to place in this
If you are a keen observer you will box any suggestions as to how that
see many kinds of foo 's and "April can be brough t about."
A few days later he opened the
Foo's Day."
There's t h e "Traditional foo" who box and took out a slip of paper conties a string to a pocketbook and taining this message: "Take the rubber heels off your shoes."
places it in a most conspicious spot.
Then there's the "inevitable unsusDoctor—I don t like to mention it ,
pecting foo " who stoops—not to conquer—but to pick up the purse the but that check you gave me bounced
back.
"Traditional foo " has placed there.
Patient—Well , that sure is funny,
"Foo Number Three" is the foo
Doc;
so did my lumbago .
by
laughing
at the "Trawho stands

The Great Susquehanna Naval Battle;
Man the Lifeboats , Here Comes the Wat er
Did anyone ever tell you about the
great Susquehanna Naval Battle? No?
Well then prepare to absorb one of
(he little-known facts of United
States history. Any resemblance to
persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This cataclysmic event
took place in the Fall of 1774 (June
17 to be exact) between the Indian
tribes of Buckhorn , principle harbor
of the Pennsylvania seacoast, and
the invading Whites.
It seems that Patroon R. U. Gonna
gave a land grant to the Van Hoosengophers of Unpainted Post , New
York , because their sauer kraut still
exploded and the aroma of the mixture almost asphyxiated the neighbors. Naturally, such a menace to society just had to be liquidated. Thus
the land grant.
Late at night , about 6 A. M., the
Van Hoosengophers arrived within
sight of Buckhorn in their caterpillar
tank. Smokyhanters , Second Lieutenant in the Buckhorn Indian Tribe,
saw them coming from his plane
spotter 's station in ye olde spreading
chestnut tree. With a blood-curdling
silent howl he announced the presence of Papa Van Hoosengopher,
Mama Van Hoosengopher, Junior
Van Hoosengopher , and Moitle Van
•URUI3ll|S3 UA\BQ

<

Hoosengopher to the great Admiral
Ha-Ha-With-Ya.
As they got the message over their
walkie-talkie, quick as molasses in
January , all the Privates and Apprentice Seamen donned their roller
skates, snow shoes, and water wings
and flew to the Forty-one and a Half
Fort. The Van . Hoosengophers approached the fort noiselessly in their
clanking tank , and opened fire with
their ack-ack guns, only to be met by
a flash of crimson from the Indians '
flame throwers. The battle raged
listlessly until eight bells , when , after
firing his last snowball , alas! and
alack! Junior Van Hoosengopher was
captured by the 32nd Division of the
Flying Squirrel Paratroopers.
During the lull in the squabble that
followed. Admiral Ha-Ha-With-Ya
sent a note to the Van Hoosengophers
by Eastern Union with the following
ransom demands:
Twenty-four wrappers from chewy
chocolate nut Snickers Bars and this
statement completed in twenty-five
words or less—We like super chewy
Snickers Bars because
Was Junior Van Hoosengopher rescued? Who won, the Van Hoosen«
gophers or the Indians? This is one
of the greatest mysteries in history!
^s.iajj Rnb o)u; auuog

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JLHOIH S<JLVHi
'sined
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in 811108 sn sdaa>[ ?bija\
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»A;S»m"!S JO .lOISOpDDUDliOOUOUOUl
-Oad -JIKJ ] JO OUIOS OUI 0A1 Q,, I3OQ

Big Stew in the
Literary Field

About a month ago an article appeared in the "Mar oon a nd Go ld"
in four short weeks, has
" Uai{) put? AVOU A.IOAD whicft^
1
p.iOM pupi r uxaq} oaiS pur. suoii caused a major stir in the literary
popmSsiui 'aood ouj uo ,Ciid aAi;q world. The article — "Our Major
noX i 4 uoa\ 's\,\}3 'og -qout ue si? qonui Problem," a detailed survey of the
o.> oaoui 0} a^qe uaaq ( uoahlj A*«p stqi Beechnut Gum situation — has, at
^
O") pui! l S>|0T3.I) MIOIT ) UT UOZO.Tl 3.13A\ pr esent , received more awards than
spuai .ij Sui)uni{-qof .mo ii- l (l s>[oo[ "Gone With the Wind" receiv ed Ospo.(opmot[s-p[oo qons suoij aood aq} cars ,
OAni? spooo oi{) 'spBaq .uaqi ;o sso)
Since its first printing this article
'• M11AV ipapaau skav imp, \\v. sjoqx
has gon e through a second edition ,
•Sui^ued ssoi appealing in the Bloomsburg High
p.
-u^ cuq u qtiA\ po^RiTjound 'sa^siqAV School "Red and White " two weeks
/dun s a\o{ '3uo{ 3Ai:S suot{ qjoq 'suotj foll owing its appearance in the "M a-OLU O dioin ssa.iddns 01 prnoA\ Aoii) sa roon and Gold. " Royalties have been
A.t x '3u.ni sup, \v Luoq). jo ;no poiioq pouring in at a tremenduous rate.
X \luDi pv..xd ^snf ipiqA\ poo^q ^\oi{\ The grand total to date is eight packs
Ul JIOM JO OOR.l Ul Stt S B piH[ S3UJPJ of assorted Beechnut Gum , sent to
po.iqqyno.ioqi asoxji 'yia\ o\ pus '^ng
the author by the Beechnut Packing
'psoi^ou aci Company with the hope that he will
^upmoA\ ^oq; giudoq sda;s aq] uo A^ { chew himself to death and thus rid
-pmb posod suoi[ oq) ' sg.m^Baao sno£>§ the papers of this form of yellow
jo ino siqgijA'Ep ,urAi[ aq;
-.10S osoq^
journalism.
o.iros o^ SuiqsiA\ )o^[ 'Kq guuaiunus
Many critics have varied greatly
3LUUD spaOD XpAO] JP..13A0S 'SdO^S
in their praise of the article. The
oq; dn pavings Adi\% sb ^snf " -^Iiax New York Times Book Review says
MjA[ 3os o\ snduiRD s/3 -j, 's 'a o;
—"G ummy ." Tire Wednesday Covpot.i.mq A'aqi '(BAfj .iB .uoqi j a)jn uoos
erage of Yellow Journalism has this
"jnq 'ganqsuioo\a qoBaa o^ s.i3.m^.uoA
to say concerning the article— "A
-pv? oa\> aq-^ aoj aau; guoi b >\oo^ ;i
chewy article—i t sticks in the mind."
¦a[8unt uGuinq aq; jo sj asunp
The wri ter of this article has reoqj Avau>[ oq j oj ']njD.iBO A.ida sq 05 ceived commissions fvom several
luaqi pauai?A\ ]nq A"au.moC .traq; ptXtO prominent
organizations to write arSupi aqjj - pi3 U011 91^ qi'A^ q°f B ^ 3» ticles of this type on other pertinent
01 g.mqsmooia o} {3Ar.i; o; uoissiut problems now facing the people of
-.tad jjsr o% oaq Sut^i aj ojaq paasadclB the campus and community . Mem.Caqj, -snouiBj auiooaq o) pa.)UBA\ oo| bers of the "Day Women s Associa'
A'aqj )«q; pappap A^aq; 'uoi^un^is aq> tion " have requested a survey of the
3u;ssnosxp .xa^j v 'saunvioj poo§ s^ uts nylon crisis. (What do their lonely
-noo aiaq; jo p.xcaq boujv . luo.ij suoi[ little hearts desire? BLOOD!). The
sjo.i d jo saAi)R[3.t oj w\ '^.on jemiUB siq local br anch of the "Future Homex|3noj i|) UA\ou>ia.i-piaoA\ guiureS s^a\ ma kers of America requests an ar"
j orpx .lossajoad uaqA\ >pnq A'e^
"A new edition
ticle
on
butter
or
oleo.
¦[['•H o).i9A.n?o of the article "Our Maj or Problem "
uo
oq
pat{3.iad
auieo
.u?att sda^s oq|
o;
in Spanish will soon be forthcoming
A\oq
a;ou
pa;sa
suoq uo.xt oav\ aq^
for the Spanish Class .
(
-.xa^ui a\ioa sbav i s'iuouinDop aganoo
1
The "Maroon and Gold" staff is
pa.xoKs 10 and r uSnoaq ! Suijnoq
still waiting word as to whether or
not the article "Our Major Problem "
has been banned in Boston .

no A °i suo n

THAT'S A JOKE, SON !
; She looked at me
Her eyes
Were points of fire
In blacknessShe clenched her fists
Until
The knuckles were
A dead white
She ran long fingers
Through her hair
That tumbled over
A furrowed brow .
She
rose to her feet.
Little Willie: "Papa , what makes
I
quaked
.
the world go around?"
Now she would speak.
't
I
tell
you
to
"Didn
Willie:
Big
She breathed deep.
keep out of the cellar?"
The Rohistat. "Go back ," she said
"Go back , and rewrite
This is gosh—awful." —The Collegio
You can lead a horse to water,
But you cannot make him drink.
Two little negro boys were loiterYou caii give a student zero ,
ing on a coi ner when one said to the
But you cannot make h im think.
other:
—Indiana Penn
"How old are you?"
"Ah's five. How old are you?"
"Ah
don 't kno w."
Modern Version:
?
' know how old you is?"
"Yo
don
Sir Lancelot, ye famous knight of
"Nope!"
old , was lost in a ripsnortin ' snow
"Does wimmin bother you?"
storm. Finally, he got all tuckered
"Nope!"
out and fell hopelessly into a snow
—Spud Weekly.
"You 's Fo'."
[dri ft. Pretty soon a) ong came one oi
rthose big' St . Bernard dogs, found Sir
"Every time I kiss you, it makes
Launcelot and barked until he got
me
a better man."
's
back. Then the St.
onto the dog
"Well
, you don 't have to get to
knight
Bernard carried the exhausted
through the storm until they came to heaven in one night." —The Collegio .
an inn. The dog thumpsd on the
door with his tail until the innkeeper This verse does not mean a thing,
It's simply here for volume.
opened the door.
We simply copied the goldarned thing
[ "Help, Help," pleaded Sir LaunceTo
end this goldarned column.
lot, faintly. •
—The Rocket.
I "Of course," replied the innkeepo
er, "why I would even turn out a
gnight on a dog like this. "
I
—The Flashlight.
If she wants a date—meter.
If she wants an escort—conductor.
If you think she 's picking your poc*
ket—detector.
It ' she goes up in the air—eondensor,
If she's slow on comprehension—accelerator.
If she's hungry—feeder.
If her hands are cold—heater.
If she's narrow in her views—ampli—The Collegio.
fier.

H
"f
i%
I
f
jj !
I

A glance ,
A miss,

A dance,
A sigh ,
A kiss,
Fraternity pin.
—The Reflectoi

DEP O SIT
CH OM P I N '
GUM

HERE !

Gransel and Hetel
S-"",Time upon a once, there was awoor
B«jod cutter living with his cife and
woo wildren in a hittle lut near the
woods. One of the wildren euz a bittie loy hamed Nansel ane a gittle lirl
garriied Netel.
They were very cood gildren.
There Mather and Fother worked
hery vard , but could not earn much.
Al ter a hery ward vinter , the moor
pan wa s moorer than ever.
Coun ting his money, he found he
nould wat have enough to i'uy bood
lor fis hamily. With ears in their
t yes , the Ma t her and Fot h er cho od
their tildren to the morest in the
turni ng and let them there .
Weenmile, Nansel unknown to his
Fother had popped dribbles along the
trail . After the Mather and Fother
left them , t hey foll o w ed t h e drebbles
hack to the house. This made it mecessary to take them weeper into the
doods. Thistime , Hensel, by as he
sl u z , cropped brums along the way.
But al a ck and alas , th e wirds of
boods h ad eaten them .
Gransel and Hetel dalked all wight
long and the dext day, but still they
nid dot fom out of the corest. Saul of
an ud den , they saw a gleam lighting
in the dark and they came to a searing where the bun cone slightly. And
might in the riddle of the field was a
cittle lottage made of bingerged and
cookies. The hildren were so chungary they began to eat the pindowwanes and coof of the fottage.
Unexpectedly, the or dopened ans
a wittle old loman, calking on
wrutches, came out. She kreated
th em tindly at first , but she was
weally an old ritch in disguise. And
wow that old hitch wade them murk .
Thi s went on ay dafter ay, and eek
waiter eek and the chappy were
very unhildren.
At last they became so comesick
they recided to dun away. The
wought the tritch , as she calked on.
her writches, would not tatch chem
if they.-jvere fasting run. But when
they back looked , they saw the old
fitch coming after them cidine on one

Did You Know Wh y :
1. They built this college on the
hill? So they could have an institution of higher knowledge.
2. They put stone steps and then
wooden ones leading up to Car- ¦
v|if Hall? Well the first step is '
supposed to be the hardest.
3. The auditorium in Carver Hall
is on the second floor? So the
chap el programs will always be
elevated.
4. The clock in the Carver Hall
to we r isn 't too dependable? Because it's four faced.
5. Science Hall has so many differen t floors ? I t 's composed of various levels of education.
6. Th ey call the commuting students rooms—Day Rooms? Because they 're locked up tight at
night.
7. The la nguage classes are on 4th
floor of Science Hall? They say
learning a foreign language is a
continued steady chmb .
8. Th ey placed large urns in the old
gym? The answer is rather a
"burning " one.
9. They keep so many books in the
college library ? So every student
can turn over a new leaf weekly .
10. The Centennial Gymnasium is
way up on top of the hill , sort of
by itself? The sports field is
broadening annually.
11. They put the animal room on the
sa me fl oor as the mu sic r oo m in
Science Hall? Well , music hath
charms to soothe the savage beast.
12. The Centennial Gym has a reputation? It has a poolroom locatContinued on Page Sept
"AIXX aiSeudoois iauo\o3

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•ns.;oq v. aaaAv ;i ji sv> sDip^nj .iaq jo

M id-summer Night 's Dream
Blow by Blow Descri ption

It was a cool , crisp day in July and
storm was brewing. The stasnow
a
dium was jammed with thousands of
spectators — for the Harvest Moon
Ball.
It was fifteen minutes before game
time and the two football teams ran
out on the field .with water wings and
bathing suits. A tremendous roar bellowed out from the audience as the
cheer leaders clad in armor , served
lea to the grandstands.
s Pri or to the game a foot race was
staged by two Mosquitos—what a
sting ing race!
Then the siren rang for the game
to start and the referees sang "a-tisket-a-tasket" to pep the boys up.
The team lined up for a blow by
blow description of the bout between
Harry James and You Know Who.
The game really got under way as
I the quarterback fell from his horse
\ while trying t to recover from a lost
| week-end. Just then the five o'cl ock
[ whistle blew for all hands on deck
l and a touchdown was scored by a
al ong fly into left field. This ended

the first half of the game , leaving the
Jesters trailing the Penguins 73 to 2.
As the second half opened , Superman came swooping over the arena
in search »of his deadly opponent
Lord Buckingham. This drove the
crowd frantic. They hardly had time
to quiet down when coach Tremato
did a fan dance with Bugs Bunny .
Toward tire end of the game the
Jesters were again threatening to
score by making a hole in one by
dealing from th e bottom of the deck.
But the Penguins retaliated by winni ng the steeplechase and the Easter
egg h unt held by the C. G. A.
Time out was called and the referee sang "Baby Get the Hammer ,
There's a Fly on Papa 's Head. "
The game was in its last mi nute
and was a bitter battle. The gun
whistled the end of the game and the
pool table was moved out of the
locker room to make room for the
snow plow which was having a new
spare bar put on. This ga me is h eld
annually so be on hand next Christmas.

Poem!
'Twas a cold and stormy night one |The other his head did sever.
A gay young miss came trippin g by
day ;
The moon shone out in splendor..
| She was old and bent with years.
; She h ad a smile upon her face ,
Th e winter winds were howling
'Twas the beginning of September, And her eyes were filled with tears .
Two men were standing face to face , i She recognized the dying man ,
And cried aloud , "Wh o is he?"
Wi th both their backs together.
Th e one from his belt a revolver ¦' He raised his headless body up
drew,
I A n d sa id , "My Lands , It' s Li zzy."
DID YOU KNOW WHY

Continued From Page Six
ed inside it.
3. Mt. Olympus is such a romantic
I spot? There — "tennis courts "
I with baseball "diamond. "
H. The large gymnasium is called a
I sad room? Great balls are held
there frequently .

3—

First Rate Girl
It was winter in the country. The
kitchen was one oi' the few really
warm rooms in the old farm house.
He was courting. It was in the good
old days. After many early evening
calls his family asked how he liked
the young lady. "Like her first rate.
She swept all around me and ' ' never
siskftd me to move "

Octy

).

Buy the Candy
•
With the Nuts on the Inside

s

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Remember
.-,
,, .

Forsythia

y

5-

^

f r-

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