A c oustic pry oblem$ I solved, The Planning Commission has just announced that they are scrapping the Haas auditorium renovation proposal They've come up with acoustic a solution to "the ;' ' ; : ; ; :' ''^: \\ ;'- ' ^$ . problem. / ¦ ¦ '.' . Haas auditorium will be torn down and in its place will be built ah economical open air theater using only open air. It reduces the problem of seating arrangements and no smoking restrictions. For rest room facilities, Job Johnny's will be placed at strategic places around the theatre. To tackle the acoustics that have long been a problem for the old Haas, the sigh language group Image will be retained to perform at all functions. You can bee bop to the upbeat swing of the Image movement. The heating problem created by such a theatre has yet to be solved but for now is being overlooked, Prof. Fletcher., has also voiced some concern as to where to plug in his microphone and if he will have to learn sign language for '' his Biology I lectures.;., Students Have expressed enthusiasm for the new theater, especially those taking Bio.. I. They feel they will be able to understand the lectures much better. ' The commission has sighted Carver Hall as its next acoustics improvement project. For those of you who admire the fine architecture of Carver we advise that you take your last look, before it falls into the hands of the Planning Commission; (^ttin |^ exams New alternatives to final exams have been proposed at Bloomsburg since the ones presently^ practiced have not been effective. Students now have the opportunity to choose exactly what type of final they prefer to take, depending upon the course and the instructor involved. ; One of the alternative finals is sexual favors to pass exams ( this is usually most useful to attractive females or macho males), and this alternative comes with the option of bootlicking, brown-nosing, , or any other functional service to a prof essors anatomy ( useful for so-called friends of profs). Also included in BSC's alternatives to finals are popfinals and bribes. Pop-finals may be given at any time or any place including the Scranton Commons, Hess's Tavern, a student's dorm room, or in a classroom. The second alternative, bribes include grading papers, baking cookies, giving presents, inviting faculty members over for drinks, and doing laundry. ( Sorry students don't do windows) . Additionally, finals will be given in the dark to accommodate night school students. BSC is the first school in the country to have alternative finals and it may just get Bloomsburg on the map for something besides Anita Bryant, Gays and a fair. It should be noted that BSC students have claimed the Christmas song, "I'll be home for Christmas, Maybe," as their theme song due to the late date on which final exams end. Film '" . * ' . at 11. ' by THE CHIEF In response to the appeal from the town mismanager of Bloomsburg, CGA has granted a yearly stipend to hasten the purchase of an aerial ladder fire truck. r "The town needs the truck more than the college," the town official explained at a recent CGA meeting. "However," he commented, "they insist that the college students should pay for part of the truck." The town official explained that he did not mean that the truck would actually come in pieces. To clarify his sentence, he said that the truck costs a lot of money and the town refuses to pay for all of it. "If students make a good will effort, maybe the town will actually purchase the much needed rescue equipment in a year or two. " After much debate; CGA members voted Id pay the town to purchase the truck. However, the problem of what to do in case a fire breaks out before the truck is purchased arose. The problem quickly solved when Surdovale reminded CGA what a Trustee of the college suggested: ''Hang some chains from the roofs of the buildings, if there is.a fire, students can just swing down the sides. " p a yingf o rtruck Students The town official thanked the students for their assistance and rushed off to the BSC office to enlist higher aid. Shuutlebus of f and running The proposed shuttlebus plan, which was passed last October, will finally be put into effect in February. The buses will pick students up for classes on Mondays at the Susquehanna Valley Mall and return them on Friday afternoons. . It will also pick students up at the 6th Street Car Wash, making a stop tin the way to campus for faculty members who frequent the Good Old Days. Students who protested the original route wasted their time, according to Frank Baloney and Andy Capillary, head of the route protest group. "We demanded a different route, this is what we got," they explained. "I think the new route is terrific ," said John the Bellringer, housing director at BSC. Think of all the open spaces between here and the SVM, cheap housing may be available." Hi! I'm Jose' Surdovalh I'm the president of CGA, the ca m p u s government association here at BSC. You've probably seen me around campus often. I cut quite a dashing figure don't I? Anyway, the reason I'm addressing you on such a personal-level is because I feel that there is a gap between you (my constituarits) and me. This is one of the reasons I'm having an open house at my apartment, and everyone on campus is invited. / My underlying reason however, (I am a politician, what did you expect?) is to spring something really big. No, I'm not running for governor. But my good friend David Millard is! Although David was massacred in his bid .for state representative, he feels that he's in touch with the students and would like to hear some of your views. In my own opinion, he knows as much about politics as those already in office. He also likes commons food. My wife Debbie will be your congenial host, and of course David and I think it would be really terrific if ya all could come. See yous .at my place vvB&vxmwm wm Season's Greetings See you next semester ( »:*_«. *L:£*J.**.:£»*. tow'.t**.few: Rotten concert by IRVING THE MUSICAL The Concert Committee has done it again. They blew another big deal with a No. 1 group (we won't say who but it begins,with Led and ends with Zepplih) but they have another group planned to play in their place. . ' The Nick-Nings LUZERNE HALL r«c»ntly drew pralw from BSC pr««)d*nt Jam#t McCormick and oth«r administrative staff personnel at Its' opan housa lor being on* of tha cfoanast, most ardaHy and wall kopt dorms on campus. Lot's saa what's behind mis rantomly chosen door... Parly with Jose' Association will play in full figleaf dress in Rm. 410 Schuylkill on Dec. 25 at 6 a.m. Tickets are a mere $20 and one must be dressed in.,white to enter the pure doors of the music phenomenon hall. slated * "The concert should be gerrate," says Lybch McCarty, committee chairman , "I can just see my fellow classmates now, beebopping to Seek Cows and my favorite, I Want to Swing With my Teddy Bear. Oh, golly, I can't wait!" Other songs the Nick-Nings will probably sing, maybe, well sometimes they do are: The Fags From Becon Town. Sctll Me, Punch Me, kill Me, and Willow's Pillow Dream. (continued on page two) ' " ?¦' ' ¦ ' ir- i' .¦ ¦' "WfSft^ ' ; : v- ' " C ' ^i__ ^ &aitariat Suppor t credit for experie nce The Campus Mute has requested funds from the Community Government Association to expand to five days a week. However , the question was raised in the urgent meeting as to whether there was enough news to cover a five day a week schedule. Of course. All we have'to do is request 15 credits from the registrar for work on the Campus Voice. After all, what better way can the eight editors of this paper spend their time? Reading, writing and arithmetic just fade in comparison to the coverage of sports, political action and in depth feature coverage. The only obstacle to such coverage right now is the demand by professors, that we attend classes, take tests and even write papers ! Not only that , but we are expected to read text books , novels of all sizes and subject matter and do research work at the library ! What is more important? On the spot experience or classroom theory? In these days of job scarcity, experience will look good on our resumes ! Editorials must have a resolution or suggestion. So , pay attention ! All you educators , students, janitors and administrators start sending letters to the registrar and Dr. Louis Thompson, English Department supporting "credit for experience." As Tiny Tim says: God bless you everyone. ¦NMMflBflaa iaMBflBtaMMnMSBaMMnMBfl 9 1 B tl C 7 >; n o eo-g -Sow H :' t8.a**n I _ M ¦ ¦ ¦ — 1 i^ '» K I y . — <5 CN .- • * p w. .• II J.. ^n r T1 I s i o oo S2 < eo» t- *• o >« o» - o s- -31 .u A S"l a§ . »• ", • £ (D «> (1> fl> 1 .2 "> e " » i-8 1-g • "s . S j!= T» :• "" :J^ 1T u. • ** = O " 5 -E : ^3 ' *x i '' S « — s ® « -°MI =• O ~ ° SL X ° u x- 5-8 °* E s 11 >. ° •- •£ = * -S = £ a s% ;Ii iii! i u in : E : o!«: ' u «c g s « gx s ¦& -: •£ 7 ¦£ a i i" « » ? H I ea. sy, *. t ° 2 M l i ¦ A c . : 1 * .r |1| s ^^ £ ao- . ¦PHI '"¦¦I ¦d -a t'J; ¦? x" ^ F ¦£ 5 8 ' * •• • • ~ : : - c - t* | : ;H W g « - t =a2 • z • ' a ' . © •. j* Z -• »: S cn -s. . . S* c I Z ^^¦ »* 0—\ . ' ' ¦¦¦¦ . in OC ? £ ^^J ¦ V ¦¦¦( *" ~ * ° I £ ' a £ o I 11 \ ?¦£ v -a * " •• j - — 5. : J *21 , gMMMMnfaM . : .g :. :-§ -3 :«o O g « c "o tf- c J: s. S t s g -g s ^ ^ ^i 8 ? S i° | 2 I LV - l S s i-l Ji «--$ J f 1'i g- 3 Z £ * is . sj HH i* I M iJIM IIIlllWl ilU ll W II mill^^ cookie time Guess what we're doing; this Friday? Having , a. milk and cookie party at the Newman House; Admission is admittance of one's sin since it is illegal to charge a dollar at the door. You can have your choice of milk or bug juice since gorilla is out of season, and hash brownies will be served. The guest list is endless. You simply sign your name as you enter. Mystery guests are welcome. Entertainment will be provided by the Madrigal Singers who will be accompanied by the Bloomsburg Band. To elleviate any parking problems, room will be made in the basement of the house. As you enter be prepared to receive your muzzle. That way the noise will be kept to a minimum so that security can continue to sleep. God bless you and He'll see you there! FINALS TIME AGAIN...while others scurry and scramble to make passing grades by the end of the semester, others start early Christmas/New Year's celebration. AS"noted in the above before and after pictures , all good things do come to on end. (Photos by Mark that rhymes with park or dark) Need help writi ng letters? by SLIM FLEEPIE Having trouble with your correspondences? Don't know how to phrase that 'Dear John' letter? At a loss for words? Don't let a writing block destroy your relationships. Letters, Inc. has begun at BSC to help alleviate this problem. Begun just a few weeks ago, it has risen in demand and need. Bill Schmuckenberg and Gino Staschak (alias GGTDM) starred the corporation at the urging of their fellow roommate George Hamlet. According to Schmuck, Hamlet was having trouble writing a letter several weeks ago. Schmuck and GGTDM decided to help out by writing it for him. To prove the success of their corporation , Schmuck announced recently that Hamlet's letter got him "a date and as of today a wedding proposal. Schmuck and GGTDM will be ushers at the services. The uniqueness and creativity of?) the letters is evident in the way they write them. They alternate sentences between each other to arrive at a composition of absolute j diocy. In fact , most of the thoughts started by one are not completed by the other, causing an extreme case of turmoil. For instance, the following is an example of their efforts : Hi. How are you ? I am fine, ( the writer now turns to Letters, Inc. ) My dog Ralph just killed our next door neighbor , (Schmuck, with the emphasis on melodrama.) How would you like to sleep with me? (GGTDM, with the emphasis on sex.) If you don't want to, we can-just lay there. You do realize, of course, that I have a previous engagement on the Gong Show. My neighbor and I were going to do a dance routine, but I guess I'll have to do it with my dog now. You do realize, of course, that I do not expect the world of you, just a part of it. At least, the top part. Let me remind you of the question : do you think masochism is what it's cracked up to be ... And so it goes. Believe it or not, the letters get fast, quick results with no guilt. The author of the letter cannot be held responsible for what Schmuck and GGTDM write. However, neither can they. (You figure it out.) In an interview with Hamlet , the quality of the letters was stressed. "I'd recommend them to anybody, but especially illiterates. The corporation goes out of their way to serve illiterates, since they were once illiterate themselves." If you think you could use these services, it is requested that you send $15.95 to the address below, but hurry, since the holiday season is aiding in the booming business of the So, get your problems out of the way by having this dynamic duo writing your letters. They are exceptionally good with asking money from parents, breaking the news of a pregnancy to a boyfriend, or telling enemies to get lost ( their favorite). However, they do not do resumes. Send your check now to: Munchies Fund, c-o Letters, Inc .' Riverview Apartments number 5, RD 8, Bloomsburg, Pa. 17815. Or call and add your name to their mailing list at 3870346. No collect calls will be accepted, but they make; exceptions; in the case of heavy breathers or girls that talk dirty ; >: . (continued from page one ) The guys are just a groovy gang, of peachy guys. Ollie Karpski , lead singer, brown hair , blue eyes, who wears numerous rings; nail polish, panty and a garter, but only at home, says, "We* thrill the audience with our bazoos and spoons bul most of all everyone loves bur special song of "busH," That' s when we bust our balloons of water oil the audience in symnietry.- Tee hee. Immediately after I talked to Ollie, I saw Uncouth Rappawart and Jiffy Humsuckle walk by arm-in-arm. Uncouth is the cochairman of the Concert Committee and Jiffy is something of some freaky title. When I asked what they thought of the concert , Jiffy collapsed with laughter and Uncouth sneered and screamed , "Anything Lynch likes I hate, I ; hope it flops ." ' ( continued on page four) group. Better yet, send $17.95, and they will include S&H green stamps yrith every,; letter: A% bonus gift is included with every order "over $35 - - ho%eve¥;"33efr' muck and GGTDM refused1 to explain what the gift would be. "We haven't figured that out yet," said GGTDM. Another rotten concert slated Kampus K wiz..... 7. The drug problem on campus is: a. concentrated in the nurses's office and Bloomsburg hospital b. leading to home pharmacies c. exceptionally high this year d. speeding towards the 714 mark 8. The Campus Voice is: . a. a radical organization designed to destroy BSC b. dead from the waist down r c. hungry d. going out of business, come by our rummage sale! 9. A fire in Luzerne is! a ?. a weekly affair b. casual wienee roast c a n arsonist's way of having fun 10. Ei ieen Callahan is: a. governess to a bunch of two-year olds . b. a God-fearing, but warped person 7 c. in love with William Falkner d. a refugee from Danville State 11. The Rocky Horror Picture ;.• Show is: a. daily leftovers at the commons ~~ b: a true-to-life depiction of modern college life c. a promotion by the Rice Growers of America 12. BSC maintenance workers ¦¦ ¦ are:' ' •/ • " . • ' './, a. sleeping in the corner b. overworked and un; derstaffed c. the campus grapevine 13. The Greek system is: a. an entertaining topic for Kamp us Kwiz 1. Scheduling lines are: a. Lance McCarty 's way of a. too short impressing girls b. wrapping around the b. Ruth Rappaport's shot at equator for the second time the big time c. great for meeting people c. A pharmaceutical com" /. d. nice if you have nothing to pany • do for 12 hours d. a bunch of groupies 2. The shuttlebus system will be called: 5. What should a student do if a. foul by the cgmmuters he or she is propositioned by a who can't use it professor ? b. "Who's pushing it" a. fill out a student c. off , due to bad ^weather _: evaluation ','/ d. Mercer's Express b. smile; smile, smile *> 3. Erich Frbhman is: c. look happy and gay a. a close pal of Bob Altman d thro^up• "';..' . .•".' /' " ^ b. BSC's ^ayprite professor l;. 6; ^Sidewa^. ^ hiud patches c. an example of the powertz ¦-y ; '^sepjpr^ting; y ¦ of tenure . •; '5^;". .';:'; ' - "^ ' :'-:..'; l; b; cpj%ririg grass 4. The Concert Committee ^is: : >^c. walking sideways CONTRARY TO^POPULAR BELIEF;,,the students at BSC are kind ona generous^ Here (above pic) they are giving their friendly paperboy~an early Christmas gift. Unfortunately (bottom pic) the quarter was not enough to pay off the debt he incurred when betting on the Eagles-Vikings game. Consequently, the cute little tyke was severly beaten. (photos by Mark that rhymes with park and Narc, again) letters' to the editor ' -„ b. Greek to me c. revival of an ancient language .*,d. oneway to get into parties 14. The Registrar's Office is: a. the slave of a computer b. lost in the files c. planning a world overthrow 15. The Olympian is: a. BSC's version of Playboy, y b. Zeus' pad c. Barb Hagan 's first novel 16. The Haas Renovation Committee is: a. dancing to the tune of a . quarter of a million dollars b. working their way to other buildings c. evicting the pigeons from the roof of Haas This is: A. Cordin's spring collection B. Bizarre .C. A statue carved by Oscar Myer ,D. Daring, even on Halloween Father Time can set his clock-why can't BSC? et / ^ l us write the letters that will ^ ^ en9u,f y°ur love life /A #**^JM^\ ifl g g am® s ri w h '* ^ " / ^^^%^^^^A ers i Co., Inc. l ^ M m ^t ^t 4b il Let* Suite 5 \w Jw Tr F^*** %J\ ^'verview ^ fi * ' X / RD 8 , Bloomsburg ¦r ^Ss^ :: ' : Phone 387-0346 _^S lc.V. ad stoff ot work..^.; ¦ *y w • Only eiassy People Read .,; the Campus Mute i — — '¦ ' —¦"—* *— — PE department holds meetings ¦ At a recent meeting of the athletic department, which was held at the Wrestling-Soccer house, aciross from :Nash;and AAuiias" the following things happened. The football team was voted a two year vacation , effective immediately. The reason for this was sited as follows: ''Since the football team has spent eight years (since 1970) trying to earn a winning season, they are understandably tired. Their fatigue is credited in part to the fact that it takes considerable time, effort and energy to think up ways to spend approximately $21,000 and to keep nine coaches and numerous student assistants occupied for a whole season. . "' . "Seeing that • this tiring routine is repeated year after year, and it's taken eight years and over $100,000 to get a winning season, they deserve some time dff. " The soccer team was appropriated a box of chalk, so that coach Lou Ingrown can do a better job of painting the lines on the soccer field, since the regular line painters went on a lunch break in August and haven't yet returned. When the necessity of the appropriation was questioned, Ingrone stated that he found white shoe polish applied with a q-tip rather inefficient when laying the lines N this semester. The soccer coach also requested letter-man varsity sweaters for the members of his team. He said that since F. Davie Begood wears one, everyone wants one. The request was denied. The hockey coach, Zoo Klutz and son, asked that less public relations work be done for the team. She stated that it was true that some of the team members had been selected for the eastern regional team, but the fact that they were only members of a woman's team, and therefore less deserving of attention, should be kept in mind. The request was granted, and the chairman added that he would talk Hose Surdova about having the hockey team 's budget reduced from $75 to $51.39per season. Klutz and son consented, stating that the women really didn't need to eat lunch on away trips anyway. Cross Country coach Clark Kent suggested that instead of having the . Oatmealer Plaza ¦ ¦ ¦ ¦ Committee erect a statue of bronze husky dog, a statue of "Fat" - Ekus, the infamous distance runner, be raised instead. This proposal was also rejected , but a "Save His Sneakers" Committee was established to look into the possibility of having Eekus' sneakers bronzed and saved for posterity. Women's tennis coach Doctor Dentist was complemented on the team picture of the women. Since the gals looked so good in a canoe, the tennis team Will be disbanded and a canoeing team established in its place. Races will take place in the tunnel that runs underground from Carver to the College Store. At this time, "super recruiter" Sandy Beach excused himself since he had to go to Philadelphia to help the Phillies recruit Pete Flower. The Phillies enlisted his help when they heard about the amazing job he Ms doing, recruiting wrestlers on a nonexistant state school scholarship budget.' The meeting was adjourned, and at that point, a special demonstration was given by the 750 people who frequent the house on Saturday nights. After the demonstration those at the meeting agreed that "Dancing on a chair to the beat of the Village Persons" should be considered as a possible Phys. Ed. class. The meeting was adjourned at 1:30 a.m. . fii ¦ i Ba H M H M a n H iH B ia a a Kl&SSIrfe^^ closed TTI ¦ III 1 „ ' ' ¦• _ _ . jwsa^a^^.i^ys. ;^^^ SWIMMERS who refuse to stop drinking the pool water add to the water shortage. - Rotten concert (continued from page two) Othej* members of the committee, Tiby Void, Reghan Somebody or other and Beanie Snause, weren't around for comments. Advisor, Qualuades Montage, ran away when I asked her about the concert when I saw her at Spars. Personally, I've seen these wacko's and they are kind of, tonish, like "weird." In short they are an abnormal societal band of psychosomatic sex fiends and I love them. So for kinky, freaky, stretchable music go see the Nick Nings Association: It's so cool! Racquetball hoursadded Due to popular demand, the racquetball courts will be open to students. However, fear not faculty members. They will be permitted to have the courts during the hours of 3 a.m. and 6 a.m., so they won't interfere with faculty office hours which are kept at the field house. According to a reliable source, students are under the mistaken impression that they have a right to play on the courts. 'However , those who answer the phones and schedule the courts agreed to pacify the students by alloting the above mentioned hours to the illIIf f l ( ( vuuVuu Herb - Superb'B llluuvA ////////// House of Fine fill III iff ¦ P11 Ill Mil 111 '^ 8f Emporium & >^^^^^^^ ^^^ "This is a drug store, , riot a pharmacy " Phone25S-DRUG students. The students seem to be unaware of the fact that the courts were built to enhance the *'young professional" image of the BSC professors. In addition, the courts help the professors stay in shape. Whoever said looks are no substitute for brains? ¦vThe Campus Voijc that position, i of resident. career* student was SERIOUSLY A:SM < THANKS denied'Jon the^grouhds that he FOR ALL YOUR PRICELESS had too much experience. CONTRIBUTIONS,~i GOOD Foul's illustrious^career was LUCK, AND BEST WISHES! highlighted this fail when he FOULS FOOTBALL HANDreceived a complementary NOTES: Here is a reprinting of letter commanding his perFoul's most memorable story. formance ' while covering the Unfortunately,;, it never made p 0 w d e r - p u f f f o o t b a 11 the print. So, although outdated, cheerleader competition. He , >¦. . ' ¦ . - "¦ here it is. ; . .:r^K' *Satu was also spotlighted as the all _ ; Ithaca College beat Bloomtime great news writerVat the ^s^rjpStatei25-^ rday aflocal town ra^OvStatio^" with/,^.ternbon in a football igame on ^ his name mentioj rmifema^y ' the ^peri-^c^pusl Ithaca times-over the air; ;.;¦' ¦S&\ -'- -£"-. ' lookedgood, We didn't; They are In addition , the station 2-0, we are 6-i. We. play at manager let Foul actually read Shippensburg Saturday. fhe news over the air. It was Editor!s Note : Glad to see reported that he read with that Foul didn't bore everyone enthusiasm and excitement. to death with unimportant It has been rumored that Foul details, clever quips and will receive the award for wonderful prose like the perfect attendance from his Ihnercity fellow. j ournalism Persuasion professor. students take note! BSC SOCCER COACH couldn't recruit a goalie so he used a marionette instead. Note strings attached to arms and legs. nj^^^applj^^^^f II^S^^w^^wS^S^B ¦ L «HKT ' WMS vfk/ , ^¦fe f '¦ Star Room Lounge >S Sv \ \ J^J ,¦?¦ ¦• tmmf i "- '7imff ' JteA g^ we smile at everything! The Campus Mute Poplar St. Bloomsburg , —I . '¦' » ¦¦¦ ¦' ¦ ¦ ,'/ •" '""¦-" " " " ¦' "" ! " '""-"¦¦» ¦¦¦'.¦¦"« ¦ T">