CAS m ^datesf eetting

BY
EILEENY WEENY
CHILLYBEENY
A mandatory feeding of
butterscotch
pudding
to
students at all of the state
owned collective institutions
was passed recently.
Crafty as Sin ( CAS), the
student activeless group! circulating around the state,
promoted the passage of this
mandatory feeding to keep the
butterscotch pudding economy
from going under. CAS has
joined with the butterscotch
pudding lobbyists ( BPL) in
Harrisburg for a stronger
lobby.
'"Now that students have to
eat the pudding, the market will
pick up and we can expect quite
a kick back from the BPL,"
explained statewide ' Crafty
director Calf "the students
don't really matter anyway"
Upsydownsy".
The passage of the mandatory
feeding caused quite a stir on
the hills of Bloomsburg. The
newspaperpersons were quite
against the mandatory feeding
idea. Following is an excerpt
from a recent editorial: "If
students want to support the
BPL by eating the pudding on
their own initiative, fine. But

Attack staged at concert

BLOOMSBURG — Assault
and battery charges were filed
against Statewide CAS Coordinator Jeff A tila the Hunsicker
for assualt with a deadly
weapon against Hagan 's Heroes
reporter Bill Foxhole when he
refused to pay the CAS (Cursed
Association of Sadists) mandatory fee of $2,
The incident is said to have
occurred at the recent David
Broomstick Concert. Hunsicker
in a fit of rage picked up a

A A A A A A f t n / iA

"Ouch! "

nearby 350 pound speaker and
proceeded to smash Foxhole's
foot.

An on the spot reporter quoted
Foxhole as saying "OUCH P

^Teee^T

VAAAAAAAAA A
The foot in question (See
Photo ) was repeatedly struck
with the speaker until Foxhole
stated that he would think about
paying the fee. Hunsicker then
forced Foxhole to sign a sworn
statement that he would
assassinate the editors of
Haga n's Heroes for their
abusive stand against the fee.
Foxhole, who is suffering
from severe mental shock could
only say "Feeeeeeee," when
our reporter tried to talk with '
him.
,

Foxhole's shister lawyer ($$)
Sue Dumbsinker has linked this
incident to the Bloomsburg
Stupid Concert Communists
(BSCC ) and believes that Atila
the Hunsicker was planted in
the crowd in order to prevent
Foxhole from giving Broomstick a bad review;
BSCC spokeswomen Mou th
Rapalot stated , "We did not
plant Hunsicker in the crowd he
came on his own free pass ! If he
and Foxhole can 't agree on the
CAS fee then what does BSCC
care so long as we get a good
then
review. " - Rapalot
proposition
the
proceeded to
giving
Hagan's Hero staff into
Broomstick a good review.

who wants some self-important
little lobbyist to tell us what to
do. Besides, do you think the
senators and representatives
are going to care if they have
5V00Q people eating pudding 3
times a day because they are
forced to?"
However, Jeff Hunsicker,
BSNS
and
sta tewide
cooridinator continues to argue
to anyone who will listen: "The
students don't,care anyway, if
they aren't forced to eat the
pudding they will just eat any
junk food that comes along."
So, CAS has taken it upon
themselves to redirect the
energies and eating habits of
the students".
Senseless Olivetti, BSNS
chapter president of CAS,
further explained the purpose of
this mandatory feeding. She
stated that with the eating
energies redirected to pudding,

CV snooze editor
finally writes a story!

by DENTAL FLOSS ROSS
Even though I am one of the two 'News Editors of the Campus
Voice I haven't written anything all semester, so since this is the
absolute without a doubt last issue for the 1977-78 year, I figured I
better get busy.
I left everything go all semester including the newspaper now I
have to cat ch up. Actually I should write about 20 stories tonight,
but I'll roll them all up in one.
My typewriter's just getting warmed up, my roommates haven't
seen me this whole semester. They think I was kidnapped bit no
one has sent them a ransom note yet. My profs all think I am dying
of a rare disease due to my infrequent appearances in their
respective classes. Flowers and condolences may be sent t^he
Campus Voice office, third floor Kehr Union.
See it really isn't that hard to write an article once the old
typewriter gets in gear. Actually anyone can write all you need is
that trusty old keyboard. I finally got all the water out of my
basement. The spouting was just fixed, funny the rainy season is
over. My cat has grown so big I can 't afford to feed her, so I let her
eat anyone who unexpectedly comes to the door.
The house looks like a disaster area . The cat kept getting sick on
the floor and it left dark little stains on the carpets. We started out
with 3 dozen glasses and now after 5 months of doing dishes we are
down to a grand total of 6.
Just tonight we lost one of our two bowls so I guess we'll have to
eat less until the end of the semester. See it really isn't hard to write
a hews story. That's about all the news that has happened to me this
semester ar en't you glad I spared you from reading all this until
now.

Assault
and
battery

Grass is sp rayed
over Bloomsburg
By POFFALOFFAGUS

The government has done it again! Once more they have
applied their innovative and creative techniques to quell an
overwhelming problem. They have just proceeded to spray Paraquat over all the grass of the nation.
According to Senator I, M. Great, the drastic measure has
been installed to prevent anyone from walking over grassy
places. "If they are going to destroy this fundamental part of
nature, they might as well let the government do it first.''
Evidence of the sprayings have already reached BSC. Many
sections of the campus which used to have grass now don't.
For instance, there is no more grass outside of BakeJess Hall
or between the Union and the Commons.
Asked as to how they feel about the government's measures,
students gave mixed felings.
"Like, wow, man , they've gone to far this time. They are
taking away a constitutional right. "
"Personally, I don't walk on grass, but I don't feel the government should do this nasty thing. Think of the heartbroken people
who won 't know where to walk. "
"I agree. I also think they should put anyone in jail who is
caught smuggling grass into the country from other countries.
They only ruined it for themselves."
As of now, many campuses are being depleted of their natural
supply of grass. How can we stop this? How can we compliment
the government'for their fine work? How can we make up our
minds? Write a letter of concern to your Congressman on how
you feelconcerning this harmful spraying of a natural resource.

the money of the pudding
manufacturers will increase,
the pudding packagers income
will increase, the box makers
for the packagers will increase,
the sugar growers income will
be given a shot in the arm, and
so on down the line. "With all of
this money flowing around,
Harrisburg will sit up and take
notice of the power of the
people!" Olivetti concluded.
However, this reporter talked
to a source is the capital city,
who called the whole mandatory feeding a farce. "Who
the heck listens to a bunch of 1822 year olds anyway.Especially
those who don't care about their
constituents anyway*' , the
source said.
However, due to fear for his
job, and the wrath of Calf
Upsydownsy^the source wishes
to remain undisclosed - Deep
Pudding if you like.

BLOOMSBURG — Assault
and battery charges were filed
against Mouth Rapalot for
assault with a deadly
typewriter when she attacked
the entire staff of Hagan 's
Heroes for refusing her
proposition to write a good
David Broomstick Concert
Review.
y A A A A A A A AA i 1!

i)estroye3f six Ty p &
writers and injured
five staff members.

THE FOOT IN QUESTION...This foot , belonging to Hagan's
Heroes reporter Bill Foxhole, was maliciously mangled at
last Sunday's concert featuring David Broomstick.
(Photo by A. Cam. Era)

Rapalot destroyed six
typewriters *md injured 5 jstaff
members in her fit of rage. The
incident has 'been linked to the
assault charges filed , against
Atila the Hunsicker who attacked a Hagan 's Heroes
reporter who was reviewing the
concert.

Litter to the Editor...

Lettersmust be typed on a 6,000space-line in Arabicand be in the Voice office via Outer
Mongolia no later than the time the editor draws out of her hat every other day. There
is a word limit that only we know, so you can guess but if you 're wrong, we won't print
it. And you had better sign your name. BUT, it doesn 't matter if you do sign your name
because we won't print your letter if we *don 't agree with it.
cerned person and I think
Dear Editor ,
To the Editor :
I am a consciousness
I would just like to say that I
Peffley deserves a reward.
physical
my
think
Jim
Peffley
is
the
greatest
MRS. JAMES PEFFLEY
traveller. I leave
(Jim 's Mom )
body and journey through the
News Editor in the entire world.
Although I know nothing about
conscious minds of other
people. This past year, I chose . newspapers I think Peff is the
Letter to the Editor :
cutest thing in the world.
to explore the minds of college
I wish to , complain about
council representatives. I enHisin-depth-GGverage of CGA
people who complain about
joyed myself thoroughly ! How
meetings and his riotess
apathetic students. I, for one,
refreshing to travel in total
headline concerning
the
am very apathetic and love
Guys)
Thesbians (Local
open-space instead of the usual
being apathetic. Nobody should
provided terrific humor for
thought-cluttered minds of
force their opinions on me or
your comic paper.
logical human beings.
any other apathetic student or
Without further comment I
I recommend the trip to any
faculty member. So what about
would just like to say that Jim
other consciousness traveller
CAS, CGA, Housing or any other
Peffley should be awarded a club, group or problem we are
who's bored of encountering
journalism scholarship for
consistent thought patterns.
supposed to be involved in; I
uniqueness in writing,
Bon Voyage,
love being lazy, uninteresting
I am a total unbiased con- and totally anal. I chose to be
Cosmic Mon
that way and I refuse to become
involved because of other's
harrassments. Let's hear it for
the uninvolvers !
SIGNED,
Anonymous
(I don 't want to
become involved )

.SO, YOU THINK SUMMER IS HERE!...Some people just
can't seem to get enough of that white stuff. This young
man has been seen importing snow from the north country
and placing it on the walkways around campus. Do you
think he will get a service key for public service?
„
(Photo by one of those polaroid people)

HI YA EDITOR :
How ya doin? I'm ok cept that
1 think I have truly gone
crazy!!! Only because i think
i'm starting to like it here... I
don't know why may be it is
cause of all the nice people here
at bloom...especially those nice
security people who thoroughly
enjoy letting people in their
dorms, .the nice people in the
commons who are only too glad
to tell you can't eat somethin as
a side dish...or just those all too
friendly people on campus who
go out of their way to stare at
the ground so that they won't
have to make you feel good by
saying hello., very conside rate
don 't you think????? Im
beginning to wonder dear
editor...maybe i told a fib...maybe it is the other way
around maybe i like it here
because i'm crazy...or maybe i
like it here because of the little
people on campus like me who
are crazy and are getting
crazier by the minute!!!
All my Love,
A little person
who doesn 't know
how to write

Close encounter
in the p lanning stages

The Aumiller Plaza, proposed
site of the Husky dog, has been
revealed as the site of the upcoming landing for visitors
from another world. At a recent
Board of Trustees meeting, a
member revealed the plans to
welcome these cosmic wanderers to Bloomsburg State
Normal School.
The Careless Union Program
Board has planned a wild and
crazy kind of weekend,
featuring President McCormick
modeling todays fashions, and
Brian
Sarris
preparing
delectable, imitation earth
dishes to tantalize and tease
their tongues.
However, while everyone has
been busy preparing these
events, Marianne Maureen
Montague has found a startling

revelation : the college is being
put to sleep when the visitors
arrive. "I can't blive it", she
exclaimed. Such a historic
event, I think I should be
allowed to plan a mixer between
the visitors and the plain,
studious run of .the mill earthlings.
This statement immediately
gave away Montagues identity,
she identified herself with the
alleged aliens. The whole
campus has been fooled! Even
the Uncles Trathen and Mulka.
We a}l thought Maureen was
such a nice quiet girl ! Hmmmm".
When asked how they plan to
deal with this infiltration The
Uncles replied, "Well, we could
place her in the fenced in trilevcl, .give her plenty of food

and water; then, we could
charge students 50 cents for a
look at a real alien. " The Uncles
are always looking for a way to
entertain the students in their
off hours.
Montague
has
been
unavailable for comment ,
although she has been spotted
placing landing lights along the
dirt foot, path which runs
diagonally from the Aumiller
Plaza.
As often as I have tried to
encounter Maureen , she has
turned slightly grpen and
rambled incoherently about the
duties of her job.
Maureen , if you are reading
this, please come out of the
closet and show your true color.
Remember, we have a picture
of you in the office ,

%: Foto Phoruin S

% comp iled by Small Change
^
and
Egg
McMuffin
JL. What dp you think of the Campus food? {
A

Stew Dent — It's not like Mom»
usta make.

Mule Gibbon — Did you know
that many parts of a pine tree
are edible? Especially at the
.._ . _ .
bottom.
..

Dave Shizt — Ya wanna play fe
hockey.

RIP -

BYE
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iKampus KvvizzzJ
1. A rare sijgh t on campus is:
(a) A quorum at a CGA
meeting.
(b) An administrator walking
to any building.
(c) Jose Surdovale without Deb
"Moneybags" Heffner.
(d) A parking space any place
on campus.
2. What is Sun-Day?
(a) The day after Saturday.
(b) The day ' before Monday.
(c) When women give up their
first born male child.
(d) Oliver Larmi's yard sale.
3. Greeks are:
(a) Future Shock, Jr's excuse
for not showing up on work
nights.
(b)A unique and crazy bunch.
(c) Roamin ' GDI' s latest
enemy.
(d) Alright but they don 't make
good pizza.
4. What is the Harv c'y Andruss
Library?:- , (a) The social spot on campus.
(b) Dr. Thompson 's boardinghouse for Bib and Lit
students.
(c) A novel amusement park.
(d) All the above.
5. Cathy-Lucrezi is:
(a) a cosmic mind.
(b) an £e|^$%;al person who
likes to'see her name in print.
(c) not having an in depth
feature done on her.
(d) finally graduating from
BSNS.
6. The Information Desk is:
(a) not informed.
(b) always busy.
(c) the last place to look for
information.
(d) Mrs. Richey's last domain.
7. The CAS mandatory fee is:
(a) one helluva way to take my
last buck.
(b) not going to be paid no
matter what.
(c) a sneaky way to send Jeff
Hunsicker to Bermuda.
(d) Jose Surdovale's only
reason for using a bull horn
outside the Scranton Commons.
8. President McCormick is:
(a) a clone.

(b) Pierre Cardin's first and
last customer.
(c) everyones Uncle Jim.
(d ) a figment of
your
imagination.
9. Parking on campus is:
(a) at your own risk,
(b)-available to faculty only.
(c)*Security 's way to get their
jollies.
(d) no trouble for pedestrians.
10. The tri-level fence is:
(a) Fra nk Davis' playground.
(b ) a four-foot , outdoor
playpen.
(c) one way to get rj d of a few
thousand dollars.
(d.) not high enough.
11. Balshazzar is:
(a) a Bloomsburg sidewalk
sale.

Wlfi WH*|
X7CZ3 J

|W

Campus Teller
coming soon to
Haas Center f o r
Arts
the P erforming
'
¦

-

¦

¦•

• ' •

:

(b) a name of some Roman.
(c) easy to pronounce.
(d) a Roman sidewalk sale.
12. The Scheduling process is:
(a) always running smoothly,
when running.
(b ) a number two pencil
exercise
(c) a test of patience, skill and
mostly luck!
(d). trial and error .
13. Off-campus housing at
BSNS is:
( a) Monopolized by BSNS
faculty .
(b) Not a nice place to visit and
you wouldn 't want to live there.
(c) Not Good Housekeeping
approved.
(d) Think of your own answer
we're tired.
%
14. Is this the last Kwizz
Question?
(a) Yes
(b) No
(c) Who cares? .
(d) I want my mom.

DID YOU LOSE YOUR FAMILY?...This wild, crazy homeless bunch have been roaming the
third floor of the Kehr Union for the last five months. If anyone has any information as to
where their parents are so they can claim these aimless Campus Voice refugees please
call 389-3101 after May 13.

Buttlescutt...Buttles cutt

MEETING SLATED
CGA will hold their next
meeting on June 10, 11 and 12.
At that time, the yearly orgy
will take place, with Joe Surdoval reigning as King Kink. All
members are urged to attend.
Bring your own toys.
INTERNSHIP AVAILABLE
The psych department has
offered an internship in head
shrinking in the Bahamas. Cost
for the trip is $4500. Heads for
shrinking will be available on
the plane. The internship will
offer three credits, but only
psych majors are eligible.
CONCERT SCHEDULED
BSCC will hold their final
concert on May 13 at 4 a.m. in
Bakeless Faculty Lounge. The
famous punk rock group
"McCormick's Nose Pickers"
will present an evening of
boring and tasteless music.
MEETING
NOT TO BE HELD
CAS will not have a manda tory meeting next Wednesday, due to the fact that
everyone is broke from paying
the mandatory fee for next
year.

m

PLEDGE CLASS
ANNOUNCED
NTA, the coed fraternity of
Nation al Tards Anonymous, are
proud to announce their new

m

wmimimmmmm

members : Tillie
"tard"
Callahan, Teddy "tard" Peffley, Terry "tard" Howard and
Tessie "tard" Hagan.

POSITIONS OPEN
The Campus Voice and the
Obiter are now accepting
resumes for the following
positions : Crab editor, Complaint manager , Nuisance
editor and Pain-in-the butt coeditors. Send all resumes to
Eileen Callahan.
KUB PRESENTS
Kehr Union will present their
last event of the 1977-78
academic year. The "Spring
Fling " will consist of the
election of Mr. and Ms. Nude
BSC, an interpretative nude
dance by Frank Lorah, an oral
reading of erotic literature by
Marianne Montague and a
"bare-it-all" tug of war.
Everyone is invited for this
weekend of good, clean fun.

tasteless
albums and

for the remainder of the
semester.

programs ,
commentaries

WBS C Play list

"Mandatory Fee Blues" - Hagan's
Heroes
"Manic Depression" - Starsky and his
"you know, like"
Band
"Just Another Jewish Martyr" Rapidmouth
"Sex & Drugs & I'm So Cute " - Shaun
Cassidy/Boob
Conrad Band

WBSC 640 AM
Kehr Union 389-3501

VVBSC TO BE OFF
In response to the radio
station ( WBSC) being off the air
recently, the staff would like to
announce that they will now be
off the wall , by presenting many

¦

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. T^TT
5) j
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JS

A tultcai* adv«ntur* l B*»t •ducation allowed by law I Cotti only
a f«w dollart more l Develop a
useful lifestyle whIU enjoying
an active campus Ufa. Com* to
Bloomsburg Stat* College. Writ*
NOW for Information, application! are b*lng accepted.
Dean of Admissions

Bloomsburg State College
Bloomsburg , Pa. 17815

Chicken Defense Society is a national
concern functioning about cruelty to
fowl. Next week is National Anti-Fowl
Abuse Week. We need your support. All
donations are tax deductible.
_

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by ELLIE HATCHEY
, MALATCHEY
The Bkcmsburg woman's
lacrosse team took a sound
thrashing last Monday, as they
fell to the Houston Oilers 14-0
The onslaught started when
Bill "Whiteshoes" Johnson
scored the first goal just 3
seconds into the contest. Goalie
Loretta Sutcliffe was fired on
constantly during the :game;
and the offense barely got the
ball in their attacking zone.
In case you are wondering
how the Oilers came all theway
from Houston to play lacrosse,
it was not really planned. The
Oilers were on their way south
from Boston, where they wejse
having a team meeting. While
stopping off at Elby'S for lunch,
coach Bum Phillips and
quarterback Dan Pastorini
decided to take 'a stroll toward
campus. There the lacrosse
team was waiting for their
game with the Pittsburgh.
Steelers to begin. It was soon
announced that the Steelers
wouldn't make the trip, so
Phillips compromised to have
his team provide opposition".
"I don't know if it was good or
bad for the team," said Phillips;
"Pastorini just played for tfe
heck of it, but I believe Ronnie
Coleman is hooked on the sport.
He'd rather carry the ball on a
stick instead of in his hands."
.

FUN IN THE SUN...Richard Hurtz shows his spring traying form for our staff photographer.
Whan asked about tha difference between spring and winter traying, Dick said "1 like It better
now, It's too cold in the winter."
._ (Photo by Insta Mafic)

w
^ ^C

,A
If

New f aces for Husky 9

by FUTURE SHOCK , JR.
With injuries to starting
pitchers Bob Gibson and Rick
Budweg, Bloomsburg coach
Clark Boler has decided to bring
up two pitchers from the
Huskies' Catawissa farm team.
But there are still rumors of a
trade between the team and the
Kansas City Royals.
"It' s a durn shame that we
had to lose Hoojj and Bud ," the
veteran coach said, "but it's a
good chance for us to look at our
upcoming talent.
However, some of the players
think there will be new faces on
the Husky bench when today's
three-game
series
with
California
begins. "I've
overheard coach Boler and
(Bloomsburg A.D.) Cecil
Turberville talking about
^
getting Al Hrabosky
from the
Royals," said centerfielder
Tom Fulton. "I don't know how
serious they are. "
Turbotville made the comment that the Huskies are "very

serious about getting Hrabosky.
After all, our relievers Eddie
Hess and Brad Moharter have
been getting a lot of work this
year, and they could use some
help."

Tennis
team
loses
\
t

by CINDY PECK
The men 's and women 's
tennis learns both scored victories in home action on April
30. The men beat the New York
Apples, 8-1, while the women
shut out the Phoenix Racquets
5-0.
The only loss of the? afternoon
was when BJoomsburg 's Jim
Hollister was shot in the arm
and couldn 't compete.

TEACHERS WANTED
Wost and other states. Placements

But who is dispensible on the
team now? "Well, Scott Vercoe
doesn't get much playing time
in now, but his legs are the thing
that the Royals are afraid of„
But if we can get a fake report
out that he's alright, we might
swing the deal."
If Turberville can acquire the
Mad Hungarian , he hopes it will

I
JAVELIN CATCHING
| 1 - Third World
| 2-Winchester Rifles
! 3-Catc h 22s
¦
HUBCAP STEALING
|
¦ 1- Kappa Al ha Psi
p
I 2 - Goon Platoon
I
¦ 3-Qulncy Adam.
I
I

2 • Frosty Heads
3 - Eighth Floor Carver

TEAM STANDINGS
I
Scorpions
2,003,547,984 !
TKE Yellow
234 ¦
8 |
^
TKE Brown
M7 I
™ ° ^
2 ¦
Nardy
™
?*°"
TKE Orange
200 J
f
TKE Beige
198 I
SIO Purple
198 |
Derelicts off campus
170 |
Derelicts on campus
166 !

tM.uSPR5NG TD.wiur
TRAYING
I-TKE Orange
2 - TKE Chartreause
3 - TKE .Turquoise
PARKING TICKETS
1 - Campus Security
2-Sper
3-CAS Van Team

JELLO EATING
1-Scorpions

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Warhurst Apartments
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Furnished apartments
available for
summer sessions

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SNEIDMAN'S
Jewelry Store
130 last Main St.
714-2747

Watches, trophies,
and greek items
a specialty

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Telephone784-0816

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Intramural results

Bonded, Southwest Teachers Agency, Bx. 4337, Albuquerque , N.M. 87196
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make up for the lousy trade he
made over the winter, when he
got Jaquin Andujar for Bruce
Wilson. Andujar broke his arm
in Florida when catcher Dave
Hower fell out of his bed ( which
was on top of a dresser) onto the
right-hander 's arm. In Houston,
Wilson is 8-0 with a 0.38 earned
run - average.

134 E. Main St.

(foot of Carver Hill)
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0 '*' . 784-3385
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