CAS m ^datesf eetting BY EILEENY WEENY CHILLYBEENY A mandatory feeding of butterscotch pudding to students at all of the state owned collective institutions was passed recently. Crafty as Sin ( CAS), the student activeless group! circulating around the state, promoted the passage of this mandatory feeding to keep the butterscotch pudding economy from going under. CAS has joined with the butterscotch pudding lobbyists ( BPL) in Harrisburg for a stronger lobby. '"Now that students have to eat the pudding, the market will pick up and we can expect quite a kick back from the BPL," explained statewide ' Crafty director Calf "the students don't really matter anyway" Upsydownsy". The passage of the mandatory feeding caused quite a stir on the hills of Bloomsburg. The newspaperpersons were quite against the mandatory feeding idea. Following is an excerpt from a recent editorial: "If students want to support the BPL by eating the pudding on their own initiative, fine. But Attack staged at concert BLOOMSBURG — Assault and battery charges were filed against Statewide CAS Coordinator Jeff A tila the Hunsicker for assualt with a deadly weapon against Hagan 's Heroes reporter Bill Foxhole when he refused to pay the CAS (Cursed Association of Sadists) mandatory fee of $2, The incident is said to have occurred at the recent David Broomstick Concert. Hunsicker in a fit of rage picked up a A A A A A A f t n / iA "Ouch! " nearby 350 pound speaker and proceeded to smash Foxhole's foot. An on the spot reporter quoted Foxhole as saying "OUCH P ^Teee^T VAAAAAAAAA A The foot in question (See Photo ) was repeatedly struck with the speaker until Foxhole stated that he would think about paying the fee. Hunsicker then forced Foxhole to sign a sworn statement that he would assassinate the editors of Haga n's Heroes for their abusive stand against the fee. Foxhole, who is suffering from severe mental shock could only say "Feeeeeeee," when our reporter tried to talk with ' him. , Foxhole's shister lawyer ($$) Sue Dumbsinker has linked this incident to the Bloomsburg Stupid Concert Communists (BSCC ) and believes that Atila the Hunsicker was planted in the crowd in order to prevent Foxhole from giving Broomstick a bad review; BSCC spokeswomen Mou th Rapalot stated , "We did not plant Hunsicker in the crowd he came on his own free pass ! If he and Foxhole can 't agree on the CAS fee then what does BSCC care so long as we get a good then review. " - Rapalot proposition the proceeded to giving Hagan's Hero staff into Broomstick a good review. who wants some self-important little lobbyist to tell us what to do. Besides, do you think the senators and representatives are going to care if they have 5V00Q people eating pudding 3 times a day because they are forced to?" However, Jeff Hunsicker, BSNS and sta tewide cooridinator continues to argue to anyone who will listen: "The students don't,care anyway, if they aren't forced to eat the pudding they will just eat any junk food that comes along." So, CAS has taken it upon themselves to redirect the energies and eating habits of the students". Senseless Olivetti, BSNS chapter president of CAS, further explained the purpose of this mandatory feeding. She stated that with the eating energies redirected to pudding, CV snooze editor finally writes a story! by DENTAL FLOSS ROSS Even though I am one of the two 'News Editors of the Campus Voice I haven't written anything all semester, so since this is the absolute without a doubt last issue for the 1977-78 year, I figured I better get busy. I left everything go all semester including the newspaper now I have to cat ch up. Actually I should write about 20 stories tonight, but I'll roll them all up in one. My typewriter's just getting warmed up, my roommates haven't seen me this whole semester. They think I was kidnapped bit no one has sent them a ransom note yet. My profs all think I am dying of a rare disease due to my infrequent appearances in their respective classes. Flowers and condolences may be sent t^he Campus Voice office, third floor Kehr Union. See it really isn't that hard to write an article once the old typewriter gets in gear. Actually anyone can write all you need is that trusty old keyboard. I finally got all the water out of my basement. The spouting was just fixed, funny the rainy season is over. My cat has grown so big I can 't afford to feed her, so I let her eat anyone who unexpectedly comes to the door. The house looks like a disaster area . The cat kept getting sick on the floor and it left dark little stains on the carpets. We started out with 3 dozen glasses and now after 5 months of doing dishes we are down to a grand total of 6. Just tonight we lost one of our two bowls so I guess we'll have to eat less until the end of the semester. See it really isn't hard to write a hews story. That's about all the news that has happened to me this semester ar en't you glad I spared you from reading all this until now. Assault and battery Grass is sp rayed over Bloomsburg By POFFALOFFAGUS The government has done it again! Once more they have applied their innovative and creative techniques to quell an overwhelming problem. They have just proceeded to spray Paraquat over all the grass of the nation. According to Senator I, M. Great, the drastic measure has been installed to prevent anyone from walking over grassy places. "If they are going to destroy this fundamental part of nature, they might as well let the government do it first.'' Evidence of the sprayings have already reached BSC. Many sections of the campus which used to have grass now don't. For instance, there is no more grass outside of BakeJess Hall or between the Union and the Commons. Asked as to how they feel about the government's measures, students gave mixed felings. "Like, wow, man , they've gone to far this time. They are taking away a constitutional right. " "Personally, I don't walk on grass, but I don't feel the government should do this nasty thing. Think of the heartbroken people who won 't know where to walk. " "I agree. I also think they should put anyone in jail who is caught smuggling grass into the country from other countries. They only ruined it for themselves." As of now, many campuses are being depleted of their natural supply of grass. How can we stop this? How can we compliment the government'for their fine work? How can we make up our minds? Write a letter of concern to your Congressman on how you feelconcerning this harmful spraying of a natural resource. the money of the pudding manufacturers will increase, the pudding packagers income will increase, the box makers for the packagers will increase, the sugar growers income will be given a shot in the arm, and so on down the line. "With all of this money flowing around, Harrisburg will sit up and take notice of the power of the people!" Olivetti concluded. However, this reporter talked to a source is the capital city, who called the whole mandatory feeding a farce. "Who the heck listens to a bunch of 1822 year olds anyway.Especially those who don't care about their constituents anyway*' , the source said. However, due to fear for his job, and the wrath of Calf Upsydownsy^the source wishes to remain undisclosed - Deep Pudding if you like. BLOOMSBURG — Assault and battery charges were filed against Mouth Rapalot for assault with a deadly typewriter when she attacked the entire staff of Hagan 's Heroes for refusing her proposition to write a good David Broomstick Concert Review. y A A A A A A A AA i 1! i)estroye3f six Ty p & writers and injured five staff members. THE FOOT IN QUESTION...This foot , belonging to Hagan's Heroes reporter Bill Foxhole, was maliciously mangled at last Sunday's concert featuring David Broomstick. (Photo by A. Cam. Era) Rapalot destroyed six typewriters *md injured 5 jstaff members in her fit of rage. The incident has 'been linked to the assault charges filed , against Atila the Hunsicker who attacked a Hagan 's Heroes reporter who was reviewing the concert. Litter to the Editor... Lettersmust be typed on a 6,000space-line in Arabicand be in the Voice office via Outer Mongolia no later than the time the editor draws out of her hat every other day. There is a word limit that only we know, so you can guess but if you 're wrong, we won't print it. And you had better sign your name. BUT, it doesn 't matter if you do sign your name because we won't print your letter if we *don 't agree with it. cerned person and I think Dear Editor , To the Editor : I am a consciousness I would just like to say that I Peffley deserves a reward. physical my think Jim Peffley is the greatest MRS. JAMES PEFFLEY traveller. I leave (Jim 's Mom ) body and journey through the News Editor in the entire world. Although I know nothing about conscious minds of other people. This past year, I chose . newspapers I think Peff is the Letter to the Editor : cutest thing in the world. to explore the minds of college I wish to , complain about council representatives. I enHisin-depth-GGverage of CGA people who complain about joyed myself thoroughly ! How meetings and his riotess apathetic students. I, for one, refreshing to travel in total headline concerning the am very apathetic and love Guys) Thesbians (Local open-space instead of the usual being apathetic. Nobody should provided terrific humor for thought-cluttered minds of force their opinions on me or your comic paper. logical human beings. any other apathetic student or Without further comment I I recommend the trip to any faculty member. So what about would just like to say that Jim other consciousness traveller CAS, CGA, Housing or any other Peffley should be awarded a club, group or problem we are who's bored of encountering journalism scholarship for consistent thought patterns. supposed to be involved in; I uniqueness in writing, Bon Voyage, love being lazy, uninteresting I am a total unbiased con- and totally anal. I chose to be Cosmic Mon that way and I refuse to become involved because of other's harrassments. Let's hear it for the uninvolvers ! SIGNED, Anonymous (I don 't want to become involved ) .SO, YOU THINK SUMMER IS HERE!...Some people just can't seem to get enough of that white stuff. This young man has been seen importing snow from the north country and placing it on the walkways around campus. Do you think he will get a service key for public service? „ (Photo by one of those polaroid people) HI YA EDITOR : How ya doin? I'm ok cept that 1 think I have truly gone crazy!!! Only because i think i'm starting to like it here... I don't know why may be it is cause of all the nice people here at bloom...especially those nice security people who thoroughly enjoy letting people in their dorms, .the nice people in the commons who are only too glad to tell you can't eat somethin as a side dish...or just those all too friendly people on campus who go out of their way to stare at the ground so that they won't have to make you feel good by saying hello., very conside rate don 't you think????? Im beginning to wonder dear editor...maybe i told a fib...maybe it is the other way around maybe i like it here because i'm crazy...or maybe i like it here because of the little people on campus like me who are crazy and are getting crazier by the minute!!! All my Love, A little person who doesn 't know how to write Close encounter in the p lanning stages The Aumiller Plaza, proposed site of the Husky dog, has been revealed as the site of the upcoming landing for visitors from another world. At a recent Board of Trustees meeting, a member revealed the plans to welcome these cosmic wanderers to Bloomsburg State Normal School. The Careless Union Program Board has planned a wild and crazy kind of weekend, featuring President McCormick modeling todays fashions, and Brian Sarris preparing delectable, imitation earth dishes to tantalize and tease their tongues. However, while everyone has been busy preparing these events, Marianne Maureen Montague has found a startling revelation : the college is being put to sleep when the visitors arrive. "I can't blive it", she exclaimed. Such a historic event, I think I should be allowed to plan a mixer between the visitors and the plain, studious run of .the mill earthlings. This statement immediately gave away Montagues identity, she identified herself with the alleged aliens. The whole campus has been fooled! Even the Uncles Trathen and Mulka. We a}l thought Maureen was such a nice quiet girl ! Hmmmm". When asked how they plan to deal with this infiltration The Uncles replied, "Well, we could place her in the fenced in trilevcl, .give her plenty of food and water; then, we could charge students 50 cents for a look at a real alien. " The Uncles are always looking for a way to entertain the students in their off hours. Montague has been unavailable for comment , although she has been spotted placing landing lights along the dirt foot, path which runs diagonally from the Aumiller Plaza. As often as I have tried to encounter Maureen , she has turned slightly grpen and rambled incoherently about the duties of her job. Maureen , if you are reading this, please come out of the closet and show your true color. Remember, we have a picture of you in the office , %: Foto Phoruin S % comp iled by Small Change ^ and Egg McMuffin JL. What dp you think of the Campus food? { A Stew Dent — It's not like Mom» usta make. Mule Gibbon — Did you know that many parts of a pine tree are edible? Especially at the .._ . _ . bottom. .. Dave Shizt — Ya wanna play fe hockey. RIP - BYE <£>*~^ ^ ^ * NOW ! &£^^ ^ ¦ ¦¦• ¦ *•« ¦ cam*3 " . *" ¦ • ¦ j s< ?r?fe &-l "5goJ>ot 5 I l lw i ' - S " «3 ¦' • * - :* If ij 8 « :|sl ; ; In f ro :4 e J • llf L/ I i «tt. ' *! il -o » ^k c. ; il l ; 1 'r-ii i iff 1 i i] c * £ ? . ft ° 61 X . *•* N i :t± £ I lit Si ililii in i o 1*-^ - Ill i «* « II IJ /M! 1J ill H! W *] JSsl ^¦£ » KH . " I; • » "3 ? i Its -j II I III . W-J 1 t i l l II i ¦ ' S Ml! mlm , ¦ I » liii i |}1« |HWI 'His % I I II ^ II i l8 &S& |l &„ k 1 £ l l k s ! S i i 3 i Si 2 l^lllllll-Sliti, ¦ ¦ f* l SI a * "11 d8 X ** ic l iKampus KvvizzzJ 1. A rare sijgh t on campus is: (a) A quorum at a CGA meeting. (b) An administrator walking to any building. (c) Jose Surdovale without Deb "Moneybags" Heffner. (d) A parking space any place on campus. 2. What is Sun-Day? (a) The day after Saturday. (b) The day ' before Monday. (c) When women give up their first born male child. (d) Oliver Larmi's yard sale. 3. Greeks are: (a) Future Shock, Jr's excuse for not showing up on work nights. (b)A unique and crazy bunch. (c) Roamin ' GDI' s latest enemy. (d) Alright but they don 't make good pizza. 4. What is the Harv c'y Andruss Library?:- , (a) The social spot on campus. (b) Dr. Thompson 's boardinghouse for Bib and Lit students. (c) A novel amusement park. (d) All the above. 5. Cathy-Lucrezi is: (a) a cosmic mind. (b) an £e|^$%;al person who likes to'see her name in print. (c) not having an in depth feature done on her. (d) finally graduating from BSNS. 6. The Information Desk is: (a) not informed. (b) always busy. (c) the last place to look for information. (d) Mrs. Richey's last domain. 7. The CAS mandatory fee is: (a) one helluva way to take my last buck. (b) not going to be paid no matter what. (c) a sneaky way to send Jeff Hunsicker to Bermuda. (d) Jose Surdovale's only reason for using a bull horn outside the Scranton Commons. 8. President McCormick is: (a) a clone. (b) Pierre Cardin's first and last customer. (c) everyones Uncle Jim. (d ) a figment of your imagination. 9. Parking on campus is: (a) at your own risk, (b)-available to faculty only. (c)*Security 's way to get their jollies. (d) no trouble for pedestrians. 10. The tri-level fence is: (a) Fra nk Davis' playground. (b ) a four-foot , outdoor playpen. (c) one way to get rj d of a few thousand dollars. (d.) not high enough. 11. Balshazzar is: (a) a Bloomsburg sidewalk sale. Wlfi WH*| X7CZ3 J |W Campus Teller coming soon to Haas Center f o r Arts the P erforming ' ¦ - ¦ ¦• • ' • : (b) a name of some Roman. (c) easy to pronounce. (d) a Roman sidewalk sale. 12. The Scheduling process is: (a) always running smoothly, when running. (b ) a number two pencil exercise (c) a test of patience, skill and mostly luck! (d). trial and error . 13. Off-campus housing at BSNS is: ( a) Monopolized by BSNS faculty . (b) Not a nice place to visit and you wouldn 't want to live there. (c) Not Good Housekeeping approved. (d) Think of your own answer we're tired. % 14. Is this the last Kwizz Question? (a) Yes (b) No (c) Who cares? . (d) I want my mom. DID YOU LOSE YOUR FAMILY?...This wild, crazy homeless bunch have been roaming the third floor of the Kehr Union for the last five months. If anyone has any information as to where their parents are so they can claim these aimless Campus Voice refugees please call 389-3101 after May 13. Buttlescutt...Buttles cutt MEETING SLATED CGA will hold their next meeting on June 10, 11 and 12. At that time, the yearly orgy will take place, with Joe Surdoval reigning as King Kink. All members are urged to attend. Bring your own toys. INTERNSHIP AVAILABLE The psych department has offered an internship in head shrinking in the Bahamas. Cost for the trip is $4500. Heads for shrinking will be available on the plane. The internship will offer three credits, but only psych majors are eligible. CONCERT SCHEDULED BSCC will hold their final concert on May 13 at 4 a.m. in Bakeless Faculty Lounge. The famous punk rock group "McCormick's Nose Pickers" will present an evening of boring and tasteless music. MEETING NOT TO BE HELD CAS will not have a manda tory meeting next Wednesday, due to the fact that everyone is broke from paying the mandatory fee for next year. m PLEDGE CLASS ANNOUNCED NTA, the coed fraternity of Nation al Tards Anonymous, are proud to announce their new m wmimimmmmm members : Tillie "tard" Callahan, Teddy "tard" Peffley, Terry "tard" Howard and Tessie "tard" Hagan. POSITIONS OPEN The Campus Voice and the Obiter are now accepting resumes for the following positions : Crab editor, Complaint manager , Nuisance editor and Pain-in-the butt coeditors. Send all resumes to Eileen Callahan. KUB PRESENTS Kehr Union will present their last event of the 1977-78 academic year. The "Spring Fling " will consist of the election of Mr. and Ms. Nude BSC, an interpretative nude dance by Frank Lorah, an oral reading of erotic literature by Marianne Montague and a "bare-it-all" tug of war. Everyone is invited for this weekend of good, clean fun. tasteless albums and for the remainder of the semester. programs , commentaries WBS C Play list "Mandatory Fee Blues" - Hagan's Heroes "Manic Depression" - Starsky and his "you know, like" Band "Just Another Jewish Martyr" Rapidmouth "Sex & Drugs & I'm So Cute " - Shaun Cassidy/Boob Conrad Band WBSC 640 AM Kehr Union 389-3501 VVBSC TO BE OFF In response to the radio station ( WBSC) being off the air recently, the staff would like to announce that they will now be off the wall , by presenting many ¦ __ ^_M_ . T^TT 5) j _jy JS A tultcai* adv«ntur* l B*»t •ducation allowed by law I Cotti only a f«w dollart more l Develop a useful lifestyle whIU enjoying an active campus Ufa. Com* to Bloomsburg Stat* College. Writ* NOW for Information, application! are b*lng accepted. Dean of Admissions Bloomsburg State College Bloomsburg , Pa. 17815 Chicken Defense Society is a national concern functioning about cruelty to fowl. Next week is National Anti-Fowl Abuse Week. We need your support. All donations are tax deductible. _ ' '__J 'J ^. ' ' ¦-¦ .: ¦-' . ¦ ¦ ! - - - ¦ ¦¦¦ i n 1' ,, - '¦¦ • ¦ ¦¦¦•' . t ... ..-_._... ^... ^, ¦ Ij aOl^liiJSlftP1 'bdmled} : m&t ^MLuMmM ^LiSMFTBM£l3-^9 ^ by ELLIE HATCHEY , MALATCHEY The Bkcmsburg woman's lacrosse team took a sound thrashing last Monday, as they fell to the Houston Oilers 14-0 The onslaught started when Bill "Whiteshoes" Johnson scored the first goal just 3 seconds into the contest. Goalie Loretta Sutcliffe was fired on constantly during the :game; and the offense barely got the ball in their attacking zone. In case you are wondering how the Oilers came all theway from Houston to play lacrosse, it was not really planned. The Oilers were on their way south from Boston, where they wejse having a team meeting. While stopping off at Elby'S for lunch, coach Bum Phillips and quarterback Dan Pastorini decided to take 'a stroll toward campus. There the lacrosse team was waiting for their game with the Pittsburgh. Steelers to begin. It was soon announced that the Steelers wouldn't make the trip, so Phillips compromised to have his team provide opposition". "I don't know if it was good or bad for the team," said Phillips; "Pastorini just played for tfe heck of it, but I believe Ronnie Coleman is hooked on the sport. He'd rather carry the ball on a stick instead of in his hands." . FUN IN THE SUN...Richard Hurtz shows his spring traying form for our staff photographer. Whan asked about tha difference between spring and winter traying, Dick said "1 like It better now, It's too cold in the winter." ._ (Photo by Insta Mafic) w ^ ^C ,A If New f aces for Husky 9 by FUTURE SHOCK , JR. With injuries to starting pitchers Bob Gibson and Rick Budweg, Bloomsburg coach Clark Boler has decided to bring up two pitchers from the Huskies' Catawissa farm team. But there are still rumors of a trade between the team and the Kansas City Royals. "It' s a durn shame that we had to lose Hoojj and Bud ," the veteran coach said, "but it's a good chance for us to look at our upcoming talent. However, some of the players think there will be new faces on the Husky bench when today's three-game series with California begins. "I've overheard coach Boler and (Bloomsburg A.D.) Cecil Turberville talking about ^ getting Al Hrabosky from the Royals," said centerfielder Tom Fulton. "I don't know how serious they are. " Turbotville made the comment that the Huskies are "very serious about getting Hrabosky. After all, our relievers Eddie Hess and Brad Moharter have been getting a lot of work this year, and they could use some help." Tennis team loses \ t by CINDY PECK The men 's and women 's tennis learns both scored victories in home action on April 30. The men beat the New York Apples, 8-1, while the women shut out the Phoenix Racquets 5-0. The only loss of the? afternoon was when BJoomsburg 's Jim Hollister was shot in the arm and couldn 't compete. TEACHERS WANTED Wost and other states. Placements But who is dispensible on the team now? "Well, Scott Vercoe doesn't get much playing time in now, but his legs are the thing that the Royals are afraid of„ But if we can get a fake report out that he's alright, we might swing the deal." If Turberville can acquire the Mad Hungarian , he hopes it will I JAVELIN CATCHING | 1 - Third World | 2-Winchester Rifles ! 3-Catc h 22s ¦ HUBCAP STEALING | ¦ 1- Kappa Al ha Psi p I 2 - Goon Platoon I ¦ 3-Qulncy Adam. I I 2 • Frosty Heads 3 - Eighth Floor Carver TEAM STANDINGS I Scorpions 2,003,547,984 ! TKE Yellow 234 ¦ 8 | ^ TKE Brown M7 I ™ ° ^ 2 ¦ Nardy ™ ?*°" TKE Orange 200 J f TKE Beige 198 I SIO Purple 198 | Derelicts off campus 170 | Derelicts on campus 166 ! tM.uSPR5NG TD.wiur TRAYING I-TKE Orange 2 - TKE Chartreause 3 - TKE .Turquoise PARKING TICKETS 1 - Campus Security 2-Sper 3-CAS Van Team JELLO EATING 1-Scorpions LHHHHM-lHHH.lHHHSJiWHHa.lHHM i« w u v v u g a v v v v v u u v v u w j since 1946. ; Warhurst Apartments I Furnished apartments available for summer sessions : ! i ¦ Q . -± craft/ : sm i I & g ft ¦ open dosj #[717) 387 0436 V LOSfs S ; I ID and meal ticket , e I Keep $5.00 but re- « I turn to Beth Mays , < I Box 5013 , Lycom- \ I ing Hall. I 0 « • am i <„ SNEIDMAN'S Jewelry Store 130 last Main St. 714-2747 Watches, trophies, and greek items a specialty £ A o ! Roongo 'sPizza l cr^tcfe...bcfikcts,„r»ccnse..CRf:lFT5 1 WTUto*. FO005..brcod.,ccrcols, dried (Tu»ts..sprc*Jte.„floor.,rice,.oils.Vogut.,joicc&..t0C«.,hcrbs.spices..., chips,.,sccds..9rolns,..rHJts...Decns taTnai pc6ta.. CRRf:TPlrlN€,,,morl< by contemporary crctftspeodeT stainedglossrbjomn ofoss....meibl aopo.,,^c©lp(n,ScY^ujcye..(OKJ , ca^c^ f, lxifKidipp(^ m m m m m m m ^M a ^ ^m m mf ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^a^ mUJr1XC;N ^m — m #. : Telephone784-0816 I @7k I rI ----------—~—*~i 1 Intramural results Bonded, Southwest Teachers Agency, Bx. 4337, Albuquerque , N.M. 87196 ¦*———— '¦' * make up for the lousy trade he made over the winter, when he got Jaquin Andujar for Bruce Wilson. Andujar broke his arm in Florida when catcher Dave Hower fell out of his bed ( which was on top of a dresser) onto the right-hander 's arm. In Houston, Wilson is 8-0 with a 0.38 earned run - average. 134 E. Main St. (foot of Carver Hill) . 0 '*' . 784-3385 * ¦ I. . - .1 .; , *\i