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Die Them 'SEEDS ''

by AD HOC
^^
Haley O'Cab, lecturer, rider, writer, spinster, mother-in-law
and all around flunky of the literary world has just arrived in
Bloomsburg to promote his new book dealing with his heritage,
or family bush if you will, entitled "SEEDS." Yes Mr. O'Cab,
related to Haley 's Comet, will be appearing in Haas Moritdrium
on Friday night to show the students of Bloomsburg State
Normal School how they, too, can trace back in the winds of time
to their family seeds.
In his book Haley O'Cab tells of campfire stories Uncle Ernie
used to tell in Ireland. "Uncle Ernie used to say to me Haley,
'Haley' he said, 'we've been tormented too long in Ireland.
Those munchkins or midgets or leprechans or what ever you
want to call those little bastards have been on our asses for long
enough and it's time that we, The Big Green, rebel and fight
those little' monkeys until they waste away.'"
After he finished the story about the midgets, the boring
author told the sleeping audience about his stint in the IRA as a
port-a-john cleaner. "Yes, I cleaned those damn things for
fifteen years and every night I had a chance to write about it in
my diary. Here's an example of a typical days wdrth of my
writing. 'Dear Diary, Today I got up and washed my face, I
think. I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed somemore. Them
gems were spotless, G'night diary.' I also had an opportunity to
write letter for my associates in the IRA because they didn't
know how to spell. I used to write the best damn letter to their
girlfriends, I'd get pretty mushy in them. I used to think that
their colleagues would be proud of them, then I walked off the
boat when they were there to meet us at the dock. Man they was
ugly submitches!! Anyway, after I was out of the army I joined
the Irish answer to Playboy, it was called Blarneyboy. My first
interview was with William Butler Yeats, a well known
politician and part-time poet. Willy was quite the man of letters
in his hey-day and I'm glad to have had the opportunity to ta^k
with this fellow oppressed Irishman ."
The Irishman also said that his SEEDS went back In Ireland
1
as far as when Saint Patrick chased all the snakes out of the
country. "Yes th ese are my SEEDS. St. Patty was a firsit in the
O'Cab family line to make something out of his life instead of
!
being a deadbeat like his father, Arnold."
After the lecture the famous author took time out to have,
lunch with the group on campus that scrounged up enough
money, by what means we don't know, and that was the Irish
Gnomes Intellectu al Turd Society , otherwise known as IGIT,
which they are a bunch of , but that realy doesn't have anything
to do with this story. The IGITS toofc O'Cab oh a tour of BSNSf
which lasted a total of ten minutes and showed him the place
where the new statue of the Husky will be erected, or at least put
)n the pedestal. They then informed him that the pooch cost the
students about $18,000, to which Mr. O'Cab replied "Holy shit, I
would have done it for a buck anda quarter ."
Mr. O'Cab's last comment had to do with the fact that anyone
could be a writer if they tried hard enough and were oppressed
by a majority especially in the UnitedStates.
Take it fro m me, I've got stories that I made up In my own head
that would drive you wild. It's great to have an imagination."

They get what '*
iney deserve

It has come to the point in the
cosmic cycle of things when we
journalistic college students
raise hell by doing a lampoon
issue. Bearing this in mind,
here is a "poonie"list of awards
which should be given .at the
awards convocation (providing
of course we have a lampoon
ceremony) .
convocation
here
they
are — The
Anyway,
Lyle Slack Memorial Awards.
Eat your heart out, Boyd...
Dean Norton :winner of the L.
S. Student Consideration
Award. Dean, for your efforts to
ensure the quality of justice
which supports the Constitution
of the United States (if you don't
count the Fourteenth Amendment and the Fifth) we award
you with oar coveted award,
which truly befits your
illustrious student' s rights
record — an autographed
picture of Idi Amin.
Pierce Atwater: winner of the
Marxist Propaganda Award.
Hutch wins this one for having
the balls to go around on
campus with a picture of Marx
on his back. He gets a twenty
kopek note bearing Fritz
Engels' signature.
Jill Sanderlin : winner of the
Non-Committal Award. Jill
wins the award for her many
"abstains " uttered at CBA
meetings. The award of five
thousand dollars is given in the
hope that more members of
CGA will follow her example —
Especially Dean Norton.
Tom Mulhern : winner of the
Husky Statue Promotional

Award. For his efforts to block
approval of the $12,000 expenditure which will go towards
a Husky statue and matching
chain link fence, Tomr will
receive a Husky miniature.
Since Tom will be student
teaching next semester, and
will not be able to witness what
will result from the disasterous
legislation he so desperately
tried to prevent, he can put this
small copy of the statue on his
windowsill and watch the
pigeons shit on it at home. ;
Duane Lone: winner of the
Ludicrady Award. Oarlof wins
this for writing a column of
utter insanity, for being short,
for being weird, and for putting
up with Dale Myers' bullshit. He
receives an autographed picture of H. P. Lovecraft, and
Hunter S. Thompson .
Dale Myers: winner of the
Out-oi-the-Frying-Pan Into-theFire-Award. Dale wins the
full wardrobe of asbestos sweat
suits for bearing the brunt of a
Aussling lawsuit and sundry
other instances of faculty and
administrative flame-throwing .
Keep cool, Dale.
Russ Houk : Winner of the
Paul Bunyan Award. Russ wins
a copy of Sampson 's Judicial
Process and the Libel Laws of
the State of Pennsylvania, for
tearing into freedom of the BSC
press like a termite in a
sawmill. Keep chewing !
Mick Myers: winner of the

(ABOVE) AH HA11! 11 THAT'S HOW HE WON 111 i! Joe
Surdovdl passes the buck before the CGA election. (Below)
A closer look at such diabolical action.
_____ ¦
(Photos bv Ed Barrett)

B.N.R.O.C. Award (Big NonRevolutionary On Campus).
For Mick we have an
autographed photo of Che
Guevara and one of Fidel's
unsmoked cigars.
Craig Winters : winner of the
Windbreaker 's Award. Craig
wins a free sample of wind
broken at the Yalta Conference
by none other than Joseph
Stalin. Better watch out , that's
no whiff of Jif, Craig.
Louis Hurisinger: winner of
the Nelson Rockafeller Sound
Alike Award.For Lou we have a
very special prize — a package
of Hormel bacon. ,
Vickie Mears : winner of the
Cognitive Dissonance Award.
For being a ^feminist par
exellance and overall aware
woman, we present Vickie with
a token of male equality — a
used jock strap. Wear it in good
health.

Gushers

BSC'S ANSWER TO THE
ENERGY CRISIS?
President Jimmy Carter has
dispatched a team of energy
experts to Bloomsburg to
research what may be the
answer to the nation's energy
crisis - BSC's steam gushers.
The "gushers" were spotted
several weeks ago as steam
sputtered up between the
sidewalks near Carver Hall and
several other sites about
campus. The unexplained
natural phenomenon has perplexed authorities and brought
many inquiries. It has even
been rumored that representatives from Gulf, Exxon and
several Arab concerns were
seen checking them out. To
limit the possibility of these
corporate interests staking
claim, the gushers have been
ingeniously disguised as
"steam leaks," with the use of
cinder blocks and wooden
horses.
The special energy research
and development team is expected to conduct testsin order
to discover the source and
extent of this powerful energy
reserve. These tests will prove
beyond the shadow of a doubt
whether there are, in fact, vast
steam reserves beneath BSC.
Positive results will end rumors
that he gushers are simply
vents for the secret underground cooking operations
of Brian Sarris, and that there
are secret
underground
meetings of CGA and administrators "letting off
steam ." It has also been
thought that the Bloomsburg
Town Council holds meetings in
these chambers, if they do in
fact exist. (The latter two explanations were felt to have
some merit due to the extreme
hot air spewing from the leaks.
In any case, President Carter,
after reading reports of the
incident, felt that the situation
warranted a full-scale investigation. If the study proves
to be successful and some
means , to harness the energy
reserve is found, BSC is due for
some tremendous changes. If
not, we can call the gushers
"Old Wastcfull" and create a

tourist trap.

EDITO
RIAL
MWAi The red p lague

I suppose you've all been hearing a lot about CAS which
supposedly stands for the Commonwealth Association of
Students but don't listen to the people who are running
around trying fo get you to give them your money . Don't
listen to them ! This organization is actuall y the Communist
Association of Students and all the money they collect for
their supposed membershi p fee goes right to the Kremlin.
They actually were supposed to wear red armbands at the
subversive rally last week , but they couldn't because they
didn't have enough money to buy them. Don't think for one
minute that your money went to help fight the tuition increase because they're going to buy red arm bands. Pretty
soon they will be in the Commons eating all of our dogs
and beans. You may think that they're fust in the Union but
they're everywhere. Bakeless , Old Science and carver are
now run by the Pinko bastards.
The question is, "What can we do to stop the threat of
this dreaded disease called Communism?" Do you want to
wake up in the middle of the night and have six or seven
of the red herring jumping all over your bed. Last night I
even found five in my bathtub. Pretty soon we'll be eating
our breakfast with chopsticks.
Don't give them any more of your hard earned money
unless you want it to be used to paint red stars on the side
of Commie tanks and guns. Don't listen to any people who
ask you to sign petitions. It can only get you a CIA file. If
you signed one it's too late. You've already been implicated.
We can't fight this enemy alone. Why don't Uncle Jim and
his boys do something before it's too late. Even Tommy
belongs to them now. The statewide representative, or I
should say comrade , even wears a picture of MAO on his
workers hat.
Don't be tricked by them. Don't let those girls with those
cute little smiles talk you into signing anything. Behind those
smiles lie the eventual destruction of the American way and
all that's good. Four of the top members of the Communist
Association of students even hold an assylum for alcoholics
and drug addicts. Please do something before the workers
of the world are allowed to unite and we all have to use
red hankies. Please, its a desperate situation.

K ampus Kwizz

1.) Why is the college spending
$12,000 for a sterling silver
Husky dog?
a. To keep the cats out of
Bloomsburg
b. To satisfy Percival Roberts
c. Because uranium dogs cost
$22,000
d. $12,000, you ain 't seen
nuthin' yet.
2.) Why would anyone want to
run for CGA? '\ '
a. A free banquet
b. To party at Uncle Jim 's
c. It's too far to walk
d. Some people
are just
¦
masbchists. • " ' • ¦;
3.) The President of CGA is:
a. Tammy Mule-hernia
b. Serpico
c. A 29 year old' black chick
d. A jackass ,
4.) Why don't students of BSNS
join CAS?
^
a. Because they are A-S-S-E-S
b. It's a pinko organization.
notv
a
pinko
c. It's
organization
pinko
d. What's
;a ¦
organization ? • " '. : , . . '
5.) Why shouldn't the editors of
the Daily Myers get paid?
a . Scot
Wei tz e l ' s
autobiography doesn't deal with
this.
b. Harry Strine isn 't the
advisor.
c. Sally Wilson doesn't read
the newspaper
d. Because they're all independently wealthy.

Off on a taiteent

JOE SYLVESTERI

Editor 's Note: Due to the fact
that he was kidnapped, Joe
Sylvester could not write "Off
On A Tangent" this week.
•However, his abductor was
kind enough to write it for him.
Dan Rather-not, FED news,
Somewhere on a protractor
(If you don't read this column
I'll kill Joe Sylvester, but read it
anyway, please!!) It is time
again for the longest running
off-broadway, on-campus show;
Finals Week. Involving a cast of
thousands of students, several
professors cast in bit parts and
Ralph the Wonder Rhine, tiiis
action packed drama-comedy
will again keep everyone
guessing the plot well after the
last curtain call.
(Remember, I have Joe so
keep your nose ta dis here
paper, see?) Let us review
some of the major acting parts
involved, Of course some people
will rise, annihilate their alarm
clocks, and head over to breakfast. After their return from
Bloomsburg Hospital where
they had their left, hind fetlock
removed , they will begin
booking it all day so that they
can head out to their favorite
nightclub later... The Library.
Yes , in case you haven 't
noticed, this is the "in" place to
be for an extremely active
social life on campus.
Other more serious students
will again review their texts on
the art of joint rolling and
practice their eye exercises for
fifty minutes a day. They will
frequen t their favorite study
lounges...Hess's, GODS, and the
Little Dull Inn...and be constantly annoyed by some joker
coming in asking them to
equate "Pi" to a thousand

6.) Tripling is:
a. The birth of triplets to
every BSNS female student.
b. Kinky if the rooms are coed.
The Kehr Union activites
c. Jennie's last HURRAH.
board , after bringing such
d. One short of a homerun.
delights as the Hollywood
7.) What is the Olympian?
Squares and the Gong Show to
a. Bruce Jenner
campus this year has promised
b. A Greek Novel
a real whopper for the fall,
c. A good question
namely, the first annual
d. A good try anyway.
Celebrity Sea Rodeo . The
8.) The college yearbook's nautical nonsense will feature
name should be changed to:
Hollywood
and
campus
a. The Orbiter
celebrities in an exhibition at
b. Anything prouncable
Nelson Hollywood and campus
c. The Life and Times of Scott celebrities in an exhibition at
Weitzel
Nelson Pool as our boys tusseli
d. Fahey's Follie
with the scaly little devils.
9.) Cosmic awareness is:
Training for the rigorous
a. An excuse for group sex. event has already . begun as
b. 20th
century 's man celebrity captain Pearce
greatest affliction .
Seawater and Otter Preminger
c. Doing drugs with J.
lead their star-studded squad
d. Unconstitutional
through calisthenics at Fishing
10.) A tuition increase......
Creek while the renovation of
a. doesn't bother me , 1 am a Nelson pool is being completed.
senior.
The pool is being remodeled to a
b. beats the shit put of me, I depth of 500 feet to allow for any
am a junior.
deep water species that may be
c. means transferring to entered in the contest. Several
Misericordia , I am
a BSC members have shown
sophomore.
great promise In recent ind. sucks, I am a freshman. tramural events.
11.) The BSNS Nursing DepFor instance faculty member
t
Dr. John Surf displayed
a. is bed pan bound.
amazing epidermal strength by
b. needs an I.V.
laying on a bed filled with sea
o. practices malpractice.
urchins while Dean Smelton
d. is headed by Flynn the (Flounder Face) Hunainger
Eskimo, everybody jump for was lying on fop of him. Uncle
ioy.

Dan Rather-not, FED UJS,
^ ^
^
^
somewhere on a p rotractor:;HMHM
decimal places or asking to
borrow their slide rule when
they know damm well you're
Using it to keep track of how
many beers you 've had! During
power failures they also take
your last match, so that while
they play Abe Lincoln by
candlelight down the study
lounge you are left with your
funny cigarette and no way to
smoke it.
(Joe just lost his index finger
because you didn't laugh at that
last line now keep reading!)
The next part is that of a
professor. Although any stuttering bum over forty with a
beard and a sex hangup wiE do
the trick, this part requires a
special person because he must
decide whether your final will
be comprehensive over the
entire World Book Encyclopedia , or just simple
memorization of the reference
volumes. The audience will
usually be awestruck whichever
way he decides to do it and it is
rather doubtfull that he will
receive a standing ovation or a
curtain call,..although a few cat
calls and tomatoes may be in
order.
The acts are performed on
various stages from Navy to
Nelson and may be frequently
divided by a long intermission
termed a bomb scare, But
usually the final act is always
the same: we find the stunned
student and the laughing
professor are talking about
their ratings for the show.
There are two possible endings
for this act ...
it just depends on who gets to
the gun first.
As always, there will be the
Academy Awards presented to

^^GeleSrit^^

V |• • • • ¦
«

Jim (Tuna Teeth McCorrriick)
amazed the team by playing
leap frog down at the river with
real frogs. Tuna teeth was the
only guy with enough stamina to
out-hop the slimy little leapers.
The visiting team , was
collected several weeks ago by
the Biology department in
recent field trip to the
Galapagos islands. Visiting
team captain Chuck Darwin
promises a very competitive
team as soon as his squad
evolves completely.

CGA
president
Tuna
Mulehernia indicated that
several new events will be
added to the normal sea rodeo
format. Such events as underwater Greco-Roman
wrestling, Curling, Blind man 's
bluff and the ever popular
Shark chase the Geese (a
modification of that ever
popular childhood game, Fox
eliaBe the Geese) . To compensate for the weight
discrepancies in the wrestling
events the fishies are undergoing a strict weight gaining
diet in which only nutritious ,
high protein food is served. For

those who really deserve them.
These categories go hand in
hand , or foot in mouth , or finger
up nose. There will be awards
for most cups of coffee consumed and most time spent in
the bathroom. Awards for the
best bullshit story to a prof and
best comeback line from a prof.
Also, which prof can give the
hardest final and the most
original student suicide after
taking the hardes t final without
study. Awards for who can play
their stereo the loudest and
fastest total time for hammering a stereo to death by a
neighbor. Who can party the
most during finals week , and
who can use the most original
crirse words to someone who
cars party during finals week.
There are also those funny
characters who add the humor
to finals week. Like the Polock
who comes to a math final with
only ah indelible ink pen and no
scrap paper. Or the Italian, who
throws up his Zucini soup on
your freshly, done term paper
due today. I'm sure these
characters have many other
funny, funny stories to tell...if
they, live: (Joe, the judges are
¦„¦
'¦: ''
watching!)
And of course after the play is
all over most serious students
will remain for the weekend to
totally destroy any brain cells
left by getting fubarred any way
they can. For after all, it was a
really good year...that is the
parts of . it that are still left in
my memory banks. (No ! No!,
Joe, don't do it, don't ... damm
he got away. Well, I guess that
means you don't have to read
the article after all. But if you
don't reread it I'll get you and
your little dog toooooo.)

this reason, the fish are not
permitted within a 500 mile
radius of the Scranton Commons. The Blind Man 's bluff
event is really hell as the
blinded contestant of one squad
is placed in the pool with the
entire opposing squad. The
blinded member who captures
the most opponents in two
minutes wins the event; A novel
twist will be seen in the way that
the contestant is blinded. Instead of the traditional blindfold, the bluffee will be forced to
chug two quarts of Tiger Rose,
(some fun , huh). The final event
of the night will be shark chase
the geese. In this event a 25 foot;
Great White Shark will be
placed in the center of the pool.
The team with the most survivors after swimming three
lengths . will be proclaimed the
winner.
This event promises to be the
highlight of the upcoming social
season so don 't delay in getting
your tickets. If you apply now
you will get a 20 per cent
discount off the $6 admissions
charge and a stomach distress
bag will be included at no additional charge. Interested
students should consult Mike
Mouthwash in the Union for
ticket info.

iaasi Letters to> the editor..•
Passover?

Dear Editor *.
What's all this I hear about
Passover on Lightstreet Road?
Why it's high time that people of
Jewish descent are given their
rights. I don't know , granted ,
much about their religion , but
they have a right to practice it.
This is a free country, isn 't it?
Why , The very foundation of
our country rests on freedom
and equality f o rall ! As long as
they don 't infringe upon the
rights of others, I think they
should be able to observe
Passover anywhere they want even Lightstreet Road. Though
I don't know why anyone would
want to hold Passover there,'
why, without an overpass that
could be dangerous.
Overpass !_ ?! Sorry, never'
mind.
Respectfully,
Emily Lietella
Perth Amboy, N.J.

Editorial abuse-yeah!
Dear Editor:
It gladens me that you have so
seriously abused your position
as Executive Editor of the
CAMPUS VOICE.
The non-stop waterfall of
words headed
"Judicial
Inaction" in last Friday 's Voice
got only one side, yours. And
who needs a way to pick out
what was fact and what was
only one man 's opinion. You

indeed printed all of the facts
and made them clear , losing no
impact in column after column
of relevant back-biting.

Sixty-six column inches of
type not only makes your
message powerful , sixty-six
more would have made it even
more so. You should have
realized how important this
issue is to your readers. You
had many good points to make
and even an extremely
illeterate reader would have
picked them up.
Your purpose in writing the
article the way you did had an
aura of effectiveness * that
enhanced your respectability.
If you get little administration
feedback on this article, don't
be surprised , for surely your
effectual ranting and raving
stunned them into silence.
Articles such as yours, and
there have been similar ones
published throughout the year,
have brought the VOICE great
respect among administration
and faculty members. Not that
this matters, because respect
from the administration and
faculty won 't make your words
any more powerful.
In fact, you have chosen the
most effectual way of getting
the problems you have
presented solved — editorial
abuse.
The CAMPUS VOICE will
continue to gain readers and
respect , on campus as it

Royal record

by SO WRONG PEFF
Yes, fans, they 've come
through again ! After a yearlong wait in breathless anticipation, the world can hear
the new album by that famous
group from Tibet, "King."
Following their previous
record breaking successes,
including "King ',, "King Zwei,"
"Sheer Arteriosclerosis," and
"A Night at the Brassiere
Factory, " King has just
released their latest, "A Day at
the Morgue. "
Known for their extremely
high falsettos, King has had a
long line of hits. "Killer King,"
the poignant tale of Henry VIII,
borught King to world renown.
This
was followed
by
"Afghanistan Symphony," a
remarkable song, chiefly known
for its operatic arias and gong
crash. "You 're My Worst
Enemy," their third hit, told the
sad story of a loner who falls in
love with a porpoise, which dies
after having a masectomy.
Another sorig, although not a
hit but still popular, was "I'm in
Love with My Refrigerator ."
The new album already
boasts two hits. "Somebody to
Hate," about a teen idol who is
._. ,„

,..
^

; LOST: Koys on brown chain and /
' bluo |ackot with "Hungtlngton" f
i on It. Call Rich ph. 2258 Montour •

I 146,

W:.. k .
.
.
.
.

Cement the Husky !
Dear Editor ,
Waste, Waste, Waste! We
always
complain • aboivt
government waste. Now our
own CGA £oesv and appropriates
money for a $33,000 Husky
statue. We would have been
glad to steal President Mccormick's dog and stick it in a
batch of cement if you would
reimburse us for the $12.95 bag.
Yours for a thrifty CGA, .
The Hunsicker Twins (Lou
and Jeff)
and their Uncle Elton

John Birch award
Pear Editor : ;
Congratulations on your
receiving the Dow Jones Industrial Memorial Journalism
Award for your outstanding
in
a c h i ev e m e nt
cinematography. It does my
heart good to hear that anyone,
especially you, that;rants and
raves about being a hip college
student into Marx, Lenin, et si
would wind up in possession of a

EQE&I

Slipped disc

.
.... ,

dedicates itself to serving the
college community as a
responsible, respective news
source.There is no need to walk
hand in hand with the administration on any issue, and it
is best to deliberately antagonize them with every issue.
With all good intentions,
Kim McHale Coyote

_..__. ..._. „-__ ..¦¦^¦•life.ama^lt^tott***"

m*

Sincerely,
Henry Ford, XXXVI

A team of huskies!
Dear Editor,
I feel that the Campus
Beautification Committee has
not gone far enough with its
Claris to erect a statue of a
Husky, which is the BSC
mascot. If we really want to dp
it up right we should erect a
statue of a whole team of
huskies leading a sled being
driven by Uncle Jim McCormick dressed as Sgt.
Preston of the Royal Canadian
Mounted Police. As an added
feature perhaps we should place
a fire hydrant in a strategic
location close to the huskies.
Yours truly,
Buffalo Atwater

Lou's bacon
Dear Editor,
I
must
express
my
displeasure with the BSCC this
year/ All we bad this year was

CCAA holds
final session

by SO WRONG PEFF
disgusted by the teeny-boppers
A summer vacation, further
who follow him, and "Tie Your campus beautification and an
Sister Down ," the heart- execution were planned at a
tale
of
a recent meeting of the College
warming
necrophiliac's incestual love for
Campus Final Association.
his dead sister, are rapidly
The spending of CCAA's
moving up the charts.
budget for a summer vacation
King 's . lead singer and for all members was endorsed
manager, Fairy Venus, is proud by CCAA's members. However,
of his group 's success. In they spent most of the alloted
"Crawling Rock," a weekly meeting time figuring out
newspaper on rock music, where to go.
Fairy stated the following :
Dr. James Bryden , chairmy
dear,
we
are
doing
person,
suggested Siberia. He
"Yes,
simply well (giggle). We plan to claimed that the tundra is
release our next album on lovely in the summer.
Joe
Surdbval , student
Halloween (giggle). The title?
Oh, yes , love, it's to be called member, expressed his wish to
"Afternoon with a Sadist. "
go to Poland. "I have relatives
And there you have it. The there!" he exclaimed .
world is once again waiting in
Dr. Carig Himes, chairperson
breathless anticipation for of biological sciences, settled
King's new disc. For now, turn the argument by suggesting a
on to "A Day at the Morgue. " place which all members
Especially listen for a short, but heartily agreed upon — Berrapidly growing, song entitled wick. "I've never been there,"
"My Father has Rigor Mortis claimed Cathy Lucrezi, student
and My Male Dog Had Pup- member," and golly ! I heard
pies," which promises to be it's even more exciting than
their third hit from this in- Bloomsburg! How could we
pass it up?"
novative album.
Further plans for campus
beautification were discussed.
These include : blowing up
¦ Thoro will bo a mooting for all ¦EKvell Hall in order to build a
new girls dorm/and shooting all
|thoso Intorostod in establishing I
¦tho Sfoopy Tlmo Half-Way Houto Ifemale students which did not
5 Fodoral Subsidatlon Committee. I meet Dr. Himes criteria (on a
I This monoy will bo usod for bigger |scale from one to ten , those
¦partial , moro boor, and now |rating one to nine would be
I sleeping bugs. Coma support tho |,shot).
I causo ( Mooting tlmo Is Friday at I Dr. Bryden claimed that
these plans were being put into
3 t m t l mWm\ m0l mm
m m,' WM mm
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mm
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__

placque with "Dow Jones "
inscribed on it. Maybe in the
future you could cop the John
Birch Society Award, given
every thirty five years to a BSC
graduate attending a Midwestern graduate school of
journalism . Now if you could
tell me who died, was it Dow
Jones or was it Journalism?

action. However, the bombing
attempt on Elwell failed in its
first try. Bryden claimed that
he would continue in his project.
"Anything to beautify this
campus is worth the trouble."
Plans for Dr. Himes
execution were made. On May
14, the final day of the spring
semester, he will be taken to the
front of Hartline Science
Center, tied to a telephone pole,
blind-folded, and be shot by all
CCAA members. He will not be
allowed to have a farewell
cigar ! Dr. Himes was found
guilty of constantly qomplaining and rejecting the
association 's proposals.
CCAA will return from
Berwick in September (minus
Dr. Himes) to continue their
service to BSC.

Hit the heach

musical attractions such as
Billy Joel and the Dirt Band
when we could have had the
ultimate of campus attraction
Lou's Bacon with his scrapple,
deformed gopher and other
renditions (along with a good
light show). A good warm-up
comedy act for Lou would be
Ron Troy being himself. This
would have been the star attraction that BSC students have
long awaited. To the committee
I say Hum Bug !
Sincerely,
Connell Matt
P.S. I hope next year's
committee realizes their
mistake before these two fine
, performers"leave our campus.

A husky asset
Dear Editor ,
CGA recently allocated
$11,000 for the purchase of a
sterling silver Husky statue to
be placed in Aumiller Plaza. I
feel that this would be a vital
asset to our fine campus.
However I believe that it is of
high importance that this statue
be protected from vandals,
thieves^ rapists, robbers, arsonists, homosexuals, highw ay m e n , c o m m u n i st s ,
muggers, and of course, the
worst threat to freedom in
college
today,
America
students. For this reason, I urge
students to support the administrators proposal to spend
$1.2 billion of CGA funds to buy,
land mines, barbed wire, a
trident, submarine and a B-l
bomber to protect this aesthetic
marvel.
Please sign me
A concerned administrator .

Hickie haven?

Dear Editor ,
Whatever happened to the
good, old days when hickeys
were fun and everyone wore
them. I am shocked by the lack
of scarred necks on Sunday
nights in the Scranton Commons. In my freshman year
hickeys were everywhere. But
they were especially prominent
the first weekend that 24 hour
visitation went into effect. Then
all we "Hickey Hunters" were
delighted to be assured that
BSNS students were alive and
virile.
.
But alas, it seems as though
sex and the subsequent hickey
are dead at BSNS, and all we
"Hickey Hunters " mourn its
passing,
Hugs and Kisses,
A concerned onlooker

B*Wtafii

Brabby-T.W.D.

by E. MUNCIIKIN
The story of Barb Fahey who
was reincarnated as a wonder
dolphin after she gave up the
ghost. I
Brabby wasn't always so
wonderful. She became a
wonder dolphin after the good
Sea King Dale Coralmyers
waved his magic wand over
Brabby's snout and said the
magic word, "slaw ". When
Dale said that all of a sudden

Brabby could think and reason ,
something she could never do
before.
Brabby was
lonesome
however because she couldn't
communicate with any of the
other sea animals (except for
maybe Catfish B. Lou, the B. is
for Bacon) so off she went in
search of fame of furtune.
Brabby and many exciting
adventures so look for the
Adventures of Brabby starting
next week.

16 set recdixfe ^n
'77 school year

YOU SAID A MOUTHFUL — A member of the BSNS month lacrosse team makes her way
down field during last week's championship game with Lock Haven.
- (Photo-byShields)
~
" ¦
_
«

BSNS TOMOR R O W

PUBLISHED IN THE
STUDENT ACTD7ITIES
OFFICE
LUNCH & DINNER IN THE
COMMONS ... Grilled ground
hogs, roll, oleo, and yesterdays
salad, assorted beverages ...
Roast Ham Hocks, greasy
french fries , stringed beans,
salad with puke dressing and
Hot Dogs with peas.
Today 's Events
Movie "Brabby the Wonder
Dolphin", KUB Multi. Rm. II &
I Discussion by Mr. Davis on
how Brabby the Wonder
Dolphin affects the political
process, KUB Multi Rm. A ,-3:30
p.m .
Study Group, KUB Ladies
Room, on the second floor of the
union.
Sensational George — will
pull Brabby the Wonder Dolphin
from his hat.
Celebration , KUB Green
Room. Feast day of Brabby the
Wonder Dolphin.
Ring Day, College Store, get
our ring with an insert of
Brabby the winder Dolphin.
Orleans, Bardo Gym , W.
Third St., Williamsport, will
sing praises of Brabby the
Wonder Dolphin.
Phi Beta Brabby meeting,
6:30 in the green room.
Health Science Center

HAUY >* B06

Guidance Program featuring
Dr. Albert Lansing & Dr.
Shirley 'Atkins?Will discuss the
care and feeding of dolphins in
the wild.
Another Big Record Promo,
in the College Store featuring
recordings of Brabby the
Wonder Dolphin from depths of
2,000 it. below the Atlantic.
Report Your New License
Plate No. to the Coast Guard.
All pet dolphins must be
registered before the twentyl

1 Advisor
Advertising Manager
, Circulation Manager
Copy Editor.
Photography-Editor
Sports Ediitor I
Feature Editor
News Editors'
Managing Editor
¦
Business Manager
Executive Editor
Cartoonist

fifth of May or it could cost you
$5.00.
The Month of June is Dolphin
Orientation time. All interested
in teaching incoming freshmen
how to care for their dolphins
properly please sign up at the
aquarium up at Nelson Field
Hov«se before May tenth.
Undersea Horticultural Club
presents the "Plants that
Brabby loves Best"...7:30 KUB
Green Room.

=
.Sir Richard Passive
.\ Cracked Splinters
NQSBD Dennis
Kabickle, the fifth seal
Wayner Palm, Al Pacino
Electric Shock
Ad Hoc
Bill
Foxhole,
,
Barbeckrickhaganrote
Peg O My Heart Moron,
Lady Montague von Snlppington, III
Jerry Eyosanoars
Daily Myers
Stove Pretzel

The DAILY MYERS offices ar» located on the second floor of the
Kehr Union and we don'? have a phone. The Myers Is a lackluster
organixatlon having no set editorial policy, but they try to maintain
their reputation as the quintessence of shoddy collegiate journalism.
Editorial decisions are made by the casting of lots but no strict
format is adhered to.
The opinions voiced in The Daily Myers' columns editorials and
feature stories are usually plagiarized from the New York' Times.

by ELECTRIC SHOCK
It was another record setting
year here BloomsburgVState
Normal School, as the Guinness
Book of Pennsylvania College
records was dented sixteen
times by members of our
college community. The
following is a list of the records
and their infamous (or famous)
owners:
The longest yawn by PegO'
My Heart Moran, at a meeting
of the executive board of the
Daily Myers II, 2:22.14;
However, this is only a State
Normal School record. The
University mack was set by an
english major in Bucknell.
The greatest number of
nuclear warheads eaten in one
setting, 26; by Craig Winters.
Craig will be sent to the national
finals, held in Provo, Utah.
The greatest number of jelly
beans stacked on the new
Waller Hall flagpoles, by
Stinkin' Oarloff , 43. This beats
the old BSNS record of 32, set by
Chuck Daly, class of 1943, on the
old Carver Hall flagpole.
The most trips to the
bathroom on one pitcher of
beer, by Daily Myers, 12. This
was accomplished in Hess'
Tavern on his birthday in
January.
The greatest number of bowls
of lemon jello consumed in one
meal, by the 16th Street Cleanup
crew, 47. However, this does not
include jello with whipped
cream.
The fewest number of desks
used by an editor in five years,
by Peg O' My Heart Moran, one.
The longest indoor leap, by
Brabby, the length of the second

floor Union corridor.
The longest (time) descent on
a parachute jump, by Jim
Peffley, three weeks. Peffley
Started his j ump from the roof
of Nelson Fieldhouse, and
landed on the steps of Uncle
Jim's Executive mansion.
The greatest number of oral
wind breakings (continuous) at
a CGA meeting, by Sally
Wilson. This event started two
semesters ago and is still going
on. We're still, cheering for you
Sally !
The highest number of quotes
incorporated in a seven inch
news story, by Lou Hunsinger.
Lou also holds the record of
most trivia asides -'during a
mass communications class.
The most articles of blue
clothing worn at the same time
by Barb Hagan.
The highest phone bill on
record, by the bomb scare
phantom phone caller.
The greatest number of
scheduled and completed
physical activity courses in
spring semester, by Mary
Hughes, three.
The highest number of false
arrests in one school year, by
the BSNS police.
The greatest number of
people named Al on a single
newspaper staff , by the Daily
Myers 1977 staff.
These members of BSNS
should be proud to have their
names entered into the record
book. However, they are always
in danger of being scratched out
by other collegesMn our state,
including our own beloved
campus.
But , the
accomplishment alone is worth
the time and effort put out.

The Whorer of the Campus
Hugs and Kisses M»!ffl»M,l
For the longest time you've
ben readin' my collum in this
paper. Now that I'm finished
wit it I jist wanna say that my
collum has ad a lot of typpbgraphicall errrorrs inn itt. I
always read my manuscripts
real carefull wen I get finished
typing it. Would you believe
theres not a single mistake on
it?
*
It's those darn people att
Danvillee! EVery Time I see
my collum I see they 've messed
itt upp. SOmEtlmEs I gc tT

;REA1 mAd.
Anyhow, I just wanted to
show you that I can spel good.
-HUGS AND KISSES,
OARLOF
P.S. I also figured that if I
started sending in my copy in
this condition, it would come out
alright. Who knows?
11

¦

;

' "

So, as So Wrong said, this would
be an awful whole If you don't
type up a box. So, here It is: A
BOX.

By $TCV£

Wtvim